Mentioning husband's or wife's name in front of people

[Muslimah]

Question:

In many cultures a person is refered to as father of so and

so or mother of so and so. Also generally women do not

call their husband by name but refer to them as father of

their eldest child's name. Is there evidence in the quran

and sunnah for such a thing and if not, how do this practice

start?

Is it islamically wrong for a woman to call her husband by

his name or for a man to call his wife by her name when

mentioning him/her?

Answer:

Praise be to Allaah.

Firstly:

Yes, it was proven that some of the Sahaabiyaat (female

Sahaabah) mentioned their husband by their kunyahs ("father

of So and so"). Examples of that include the following.

It was narrated that 'Awn Abu Juhayfah said: The Prophet

(peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) established

the bond of brotherhood between Salman and Abu'l-Dardaa'.

Salmaan went to visit Abu'l-Dardaa' and he saw Umm

al-Dardaa' looking unkempt. He said to her, "What is the

matter with you?" She said, "Your brother Abu'l-Dardaa'

has no interest in this world." Then Abu'l-Dardaa' came

(to visit Salmaan) and he made food for him, but he said,

"I am fasting." He said, "I will not eat until you eat." So he ate.

When night came, Abu'l-Dardaa' went to stand in prayer.

[salmaan] said to him, "Go to sleep." He slept a while, then

he went to stand in prayer. [salmaan] said to him, "Go to

sleep." When the end of the night came, Salmaan said to

him, "Now get up." They prayed, then Salmaan said "Your

Lord has rights over you, your own self has rights over you

and your family has rights over you. Give each one who has

rights over you his rights." [Abu'l-Dardaa'] came to the

Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him)

and told him about that, and the Prophet (peace and

blessings of Allaah be upon him) said, "Salmaan spoke

the truth."

(Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 1832)

It was narrated that Faatimah bint Qays said: My husband

Abu 'Amr ibn Hafs ibn al-Mugheerah 'Ayyaash ibn Rabee'ah

sent word to me, divorcing me, and he sent with it five wasa'

of dates and five wasa' of barley. I said, "Do I have no

maintenance apart from this, and should I not spend my

'iddah in your house?" He said, "No." I got dressed and went

to the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah

be upon him) . He said, "How many times has he divorced

you (talaaq)?" I said, "Three." He said, "He was right when

he said that he does not have to spend on your maintenance."

(Narrated by Muslim, 2721)

Secondly:

With regard to a woman mentioning her husband by name,

there is nothing wrong with that. For example:

It was narrated that Zaynab, the wife of 'Abd-Allaah (i.e., ibn

Mas'ood) said: I was in the mosque and I saw the Prophet

(peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him). He said, "Give

in charity, even if it is from your jewellery." Zaynab used to

spend on 'Abd-Allaah and on the orphans under her care.

She said to 'Abd-Allaah, "Ask the Messenger of Allaah

(peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) whether it is

enough charity for me to spend on you and on the orphans

under my care." He said, "You go and ask the Messenger

of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him)."

So she went to the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah

be upon him) and found a woman from among the Ansaar

at the door, with a similar question. [Zaynab said:] Bilaal

passed by us and we said, "Ask the Prophet (peace and

blessings of Allaah be upon him) whether it is charity enough

for me to spend on my husband and the orphans under my

care. But do not tell him who we are." He went in and asked

him. (The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon

him)) asked, "Who is it?" He said, "Zaynab". He asked,

"Which Zaynab?" He said, "The wife of 'Abd-Allaah." (The

Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him))

said, "Yes, she will have two rewards, the reward of

upholding the ties of kinship and the reward of charity."

(Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 1373; Muslim, 1667)

It was narrated that Khuwaylah bint Maalik ibn Tha'labah

said: "My husband Aws ibn al-Saamit divorced me by

zihaar [saying "you are to me as my mother's back"], so

I came and complained to the Messenger of Allaah

(peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him). The

Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah

be upon him) argued with me on his behalf and said,

"Fear Allaah, for he is your cousin (son of your paternal

uncle)." I did not leave before Allaah revealed the words

(interpretation of the meaning):

'Indeed Allaah has heard the statement of her (Khawlah

bint Tha'labah) that disputes with you (O Muhammad)

concerning her husband (Aus bin As-Saamit),'

[al-Mujaadilah 58:1]

(Narrated by Abu Dawood, 1893; classed as saheeh

by Ibn Hibbaan and al-Haakim. See Khalaasat al-Badr

al-Muneer, 2/229)

Thirdly:

With regard to saying one's husband's or wife's name

in front of other people, that depends on local custom

('urf) of the people in any given society. In some societies,

doing that is disliked, and in some societies it may even

be seen as a lack of gheerah (protective jealousy). In the

hadeeth of Ibn Mas'ood mentioned above, Bilaal (may

Allaah be pleased with him) mentioned the wife of Ibn

Mas'ood by name (Zaynab). If a woman is well known by

her name and it is OK for people other than her husband

to mention her by name, then how about her husband?

It is preferable to mention people by their kunyah rather

than their names in some societies, or in front of some

people. Many problems arise from taking the matter of

mentioning people's names lightly.

And Allaah is the Source of strength.

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