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Mentioning husband's or wife's name in front of people - Muslimah - 03-22-2004
Question:
In many cultures a person is refered to as father of so and
so or mother of so and so. Also generally women do not
call their husband by name but refer to them as father of
their eldest child's name. Is there evidence in the quran
and sunnah for such a thing and if not, how do this practice
start?
Is it islamically wrong for a woman to call her husband by
his name or for a man to call his wife by her name when
mentioning him/her?
Answer:
Praise be to Allaah.
Firstly:
Yes, it was proven that some of the Sahaabiyaat (female
Sahaabah) mentioned their husband by their kunyahs ("father
of So and so"). Examples of that include the following.
It was narrated that 'Awn Abu Juhayfah said: The Prophet
(peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) established
the bond of brotherhood between Salman and Abu'l-Dardaa'.
Salmaan went to visit Abu'l-Dardaa' and he saw Umm
al-Dardaa' looking unkempt. He said to her, "What is the
matter with you?" She said, "Your brother Abu'l-Dardaa'
has no interest in this world." Then Abu'l-Dardaa' came
(to visit Salmaan) and he made food for him, but he said,
"I am fasting." He said, "I will not eat until you eat." So he ate.
When night came, Abu'l-Dardaa' went to stand in prayer.
[salmaan] said to him, "Go to sleep." He slept a while, then
he went to stand in prayer. [salmaan] said to him, "Go to
sleep." When the end of the night came, Salmaan said to
him, "Now get up." They prayed, then Salmaan said "Your
Lord has rights over you, your own self has rights over you
and your family has rights over you. Give each one who has
rights over you his rights." [Abu'l-Dardaa'] came to the
Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him)
and told him about that, and the Prophet (peace and
blessings of Allaah be upon him) said, "Salmaan spoke
the truth."
(Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 1832)
It was narrated that Faatimah bint Qays said: My husband
Abu 'Amr ibn Hafs ibn al-Mugheerah 'Ayyaash ibn Rabee'ah
sent word to me, divorcing me, and he sent with it five wasa'
of dates and five wasa' of barley. I said, "Do I have no
maintenance apart from this, and should I not spend my
'iddah in your house?" He said, "No." I got dressed and went
to the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah
be upon him) . He said, "How many times has he divorced
you (talaaq)?" I said, "Three." He said, "He was right when
he said that he does not have to spend on your maintenance."
(Narrated by Muslim, 2721)
Secondly:
With regard to a woman mentioning her husband by name,
there is nothing wrong with that. For example:
It was narrated that Zaynab, the wife of 'Abd-Allaah (i.e., ibn
Mas'ood) said: I was in the mosque and I saw the Prophet
(peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him). He said, "Give
in charity, even if it is from your jewellery." Zaynab used to
spend on 'Abd-Allaah and on the orphans under her care.
She said to 'Abd-Allaah, "Ask the Messenger of Allaah
(peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) whether it is
enough charity for me to spend on you and on the orphans
under my care." He said, "You go and ask the Messenger
of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him)."
So she went to the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah
be upon him) and found a woman from among the Ansaar
at the door, with a similar question. [Zaynab said:] Bilaal
passed by us and we said, "Ask the Prophet (peace and
blessings of Allaah be upon him) whether it is charity enough
for me to spend on my husband and the orphans under my
care. But do not tell him who we are." He went in and asked
him. (The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon
him)) asked, "Who is it?" He said, "Zaynab". He asked,
"Which Zaynab?" He said, "The wife of 'Abd-Allaah." (The
Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him))
said, "Yes, she will have two rewards, the reward of
upholding the ties of kinship and the reward of charity."
(Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 1373; Muslim, 1667)
It was narrated that Khuwaylah bint Maalik ibn Tha'labah
said: "My husband Aws ibn al-Saamit divorced me by
zihaar [saying "you are to me as my mother's back"], so
I came and complained to the Messenger of Allaah
(peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him). The
Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah
be upon him) argued with me on his behalf and said,
"Fear Allaah, for he is your cousin (son of your paternal
uncle)." I did not leave before Allaah revealed the words
(interpretation of the meaning):
'Indeed Allaah has heard the statement of her (Khawlah
bint Tha'labah) that disputes with you (O Muhammad)
concerning her husband (Aus bin As-Saamit),'
[al-Mujaadilah 58:1]
(Narrated by Abu Dawood, 1893; classed as saheeh
by Ibn Hibbaan and al-Haakim. See Khalaasat al-Badr
al-Muneer, 2/229)
Thirdly:
With regard to saying one's husband's or wife's name
in front of other people, that depends on local custom
('urf) of the people in any given society. In some societies,
doing that is disliked, and in some societies it may even
be seen as a lack of gheerah (protective jealousy). In the
hadeeth of Ibn Mas'ood mentioned above, Bilaal (may
Allaah be pleased with him) mentioned the wife of Ibn
Mas'ood by name (Zaynab). If a woman is well known by
her name and it is OK for people other than her husband
to mention her by name, then how about her husband?
It is preferable to mention people by their kunyah rather
than their names in some societies, or in front of some
people. Many problems arise from taking the matter of
mentioning people's names lightly.
And Allaah is the Source of strength.
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