Hitting children

[amma]

Question :

Is it a sin to hit one's children by hand or stick. I only do this when I feel the child has not obeyed my instruction after several warnings. Also, is it a sin to lift a hand for one's wife. There are times when I feel that it should be done but have resisted thus far. As for the case of the children, I feel extremely guilty after the spanking given and beg The Almighty for his forgiveness if the act is wrong. Is there duaas which I may read daily for The Almighty to guide my children and bless them with good Aqaa'id?

Answer :

Praise be to Allaah.

The father’s duty is to bring his children up well and to take care of them, and hitting may be used as a means of discipline when the situation requires that. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) commanded us to smack children for not praying when they reach the age of ten, but this should be the last resort, when all others have failed, and there should be no harshness in the hitting, and we must not hit the face. The father should not hit his child at the time of extreme anger, or with a sharp instrument that may injure him, or with anything that may break bones, and he should not hit him in a place where a blow may be fatal. Brandishing the stick may be more effective than actually hitting. The point is that when disciplining his child, a father should follow the principle of using the gentlest means then the next gentlest; he should not resort to the harshest and most difficult means if he can achieve his aim with something that is easier and gentler.

With regard to hitting one’s wife, this is not the first choice of ways to discipline her. First of all one should exhort and advise her. If that does not work, then (the husband) should forsake her in bed [i.e., not have conjugal relations with her]. If that does not work, then he may hit her, but not severely, as Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning);

“As to those women on whose part you see ill‑conduct, admonish them (first), (next) refuse to share their beds, (and last) beat them (lightly, if it is useful); but if they return to obedience, seek not against them means (of annoyance). Surely, Allaah is Ever Most High, Most Great” [al-Nisaa’ 4:34].

The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) has told us that the best of people are not those who beat their wives.

With regard the guidance of children, the parents must do the things that will lead to that, such as advising them, keeping them away from bad company, helping them to maintain ties with righteous friends, treating them well and continuing to pray for them to be righteous and to be guided. Among the du’aa’s for children that have been narrated are:

“Our Lord! Bestow on us from our wives and our offspring the comfort of our eyes” [al-Furqaan 25:74 – interpretation of the meaning]

and:

“and make my offspring good” [al-Ahqaaf 46:15 – interpretation of the meaning]

-- or any other good du’aa’, but along with making du’aa’ one must also use other means that will help to make them strong and steadfast in Islam. And Allaah is the guide to the Straight Path.

Islam Q&A

Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid (www.islam-qa.com)