08-16-2003, 11:07 AM
as salam alykom
I got this article from another board, worth reading by us women.
Pep talk to sistas faced with polygyny
As salaamu alaikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatu. This was reposted on another group I belong to and I feel like it is a good pep talk when one is down and out in this polygyny thing.
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InshaAllah this reaches everyone in high Imaan and in good health.
I have a bone to pick with myself and with the Muslimahs of this
Ummah. I may be so completely wrong about all of this but I must say it and get it off my shoulders. Bear with me.
I am beginning to feel as if we as Muslim women discount our own
selves in this issue. That we do a lot to help put ourselves down. Why is it that we are so darned concerned with what they do and what they say and what rights they take and on and on and on. When are we as Muslim women say enough is enough.
I won't be a welcome mat for emotional baggage anymore. I won't stand around and wait and wait for him to do what he wants to do then cry scream and yell when he does. When do we say ya know what I am me, I am a separate individual and I don't have to cry scream and yell. When do we stand our ground on our rights and at the same time give them theirs.
When do we stop all of the nit picking and yelling about something he wants to do. Where's our strength? Where is our individuality? Where is our ability to continue happily?
Don't we control our emotions or are sooooo caught up that we can't even see that anymore? Don't we have a choice in how we choose think about things? Where our strength? Well I am sick of it. I love and adore my husband I want a fruitful marriage with him always, but when do I say ENOUGH. I won't be depressed anymore. I won't act like a banshee anymore. ENOUGH.
I have my free will and I opt to you use it become a whole person
within myself. I don't need my husband to validate my worth.
I am a Muslim, Allah has already done that. When is Allah's love more than enough for me? Why don't I cry when I commit a sin, but I cry when he says he wants another wife? Isn't that backwards? When do I put my foot down and go with the flow of Islam? When do I stop all of this humming and hawing over something Halal? Goodness, am I that weak? Yes,I want him to love me, yes I want him to say nice things to me, yes I want his children, yes I want his attention, yes I want his compassion, his
understanding, yes yes yes. But sheesh, where is my strength to stand up and say, " I make my marriage, between you and I and not you and I and a Her and Her and Her". Where is it? Is he sooooo perfect that I sacrifice my dignity, my ticket to Jannah, my individuality?
I can do this, Insh'Allah. And I can do it well. Allahu Alim. You know
why because I am going to trust in my Rabb that he would not allow something that is harmful to me, that there is benefit the likes of that which I do not know. And when, do I think that Allah might be angry and upset with me because I have spent so much time and energy crying over this and I haven't even expended half as many tears over my sins? Shouldn't it hurt more to realize that my husband would sell me for a way into Jannah if he could? At least now he still shows he loves me, he cares, and takes care of me?
When do I get out of the dark of Dunya, and this Kufar nonsense and dump it in the garbage. I looooooove my religion. Part of this religion is Polygyny. POLYGYNY POLYGYNY POLYGYNY. So I have three choices, stay and be miserable, leave, or stay and haul myself up, get a grip on reality, the way things really are and
practice this Deen as was practiced in the past. No exceptions. I am not better than the wives of the Prophet (S). I need to get off of my high horse. My husband doesn't do this to me, because of me, or because of something I said. It simply because it the way Allah made them. What more do I need. Allah made them this way. Should I be taking this argument up with Allah, which I would neeeeever be so presumptuous to do or think, then why argue with my husband over the way he was created? Why? Isn't that a waste of my precious time? Isn't it? It's all up to me to change how I personally view this and all that it entails. So that what I am going to do Insh'Allah. I don't want the only example of polygyny in people minds to be bad and something to avoid with a ten foot pole. I don't want to end up a sad, depressed, old woman before my time. But I have to realize that if I really don't want that then I have to put that into effect myself. 90 percent of my emotional problems are because of what I choose to continue thinking and feeling, well I am done with all of that.
Enough is Enough.