Dear sister Um ummibrehim
Concerning the 2 ayah's in the Quran regarding polygyny the first one says if you can't be fair then marry only one.
"Fair" in this ayah means being fair in provision (providing for them equaly) and time (spending time with them equaly), as for emotions it is not obligatory for the husband to love both the same way because he doesn't have control of that, and that is what "fair" means in the second ayah - the emotions-.