Polygamy

[Nabbe]

Salaam aleikum

This is a controversial issue. And i have thought about it a lot. I would say that as long as i know that if i want to marry i know there is a lot of good practising single brothers out there who are searching, no need to go after someone already married. Here its more muslim men than women anyway.

But on the other hand. If a man is good or not i cant really know. Until we are married. But with a man already married, i can know if he is good or not, i can get first hand info on most things about him.

Me personally i think i rather come as the second wife, than see my eventuall husband take second wife. Cuz then if i come as a second wife, its something i thought about and know and i have a choice. But to be the first and he take second, is something out of my control.

I know one of my sisters here in Norway, she is SO opposing anything with polygony, she rather divorce her husband if he wants second wife.

[Soledad]

Put it this way: you have one wife, you see her every single day (which is the case most of the time), eventually, it becomes boring. Can anyone argue? On the other hand, you have two, three or four, you see this one one day, you miss the other one, she misses you, you want to be with her. Then you miss the other one, she misses you, you want to be with her. So there's always life in the marriage there, there's always excitement, and so on.

Can anybody besides this guy Abu reply to this? I'm a non-Muslim but common sense will tell me that the Islam like any other religion talks about Love in the marriage whether you're married one wife or 10. But this message is talking about Lust ONLY. Does the Islam support this?.

[radiyah]

Posted by soledad

Can anybody besides this guy Abu reply to this? I'm a non-Muslim but common sense will tell me that the Islam like any other religion talks about Love in the marriage whether you're married one wife or 10. But this message is talking about Lust ONLY. Does the Islam support this?.

Soledad,if u read my previous answer u would know that prophet Mohammad married his wives as I mentioned for political reasons and also for pity reasons, because the islam nation was always in Jihad the men would die and leave behind them wives and family so will they be left like that?, no of course not, other sahaba will take care of them and their children, by this the society will be strong and united and there will be no poverty or helpless women, they did that by following the example of the prophet, but his wives were chosen for him by order from God he did not marry for lust,

In the Holy Quran:

In the Name of Allah most Gracious most merciful:

50. O Prophet (Muhammad )! Verily, We have made lawful to you your wives, to whom you have paid their Mahr (bridal money given by the husband to his wife at the time of marriage), and those (captives or slaves) whom your right hand possesses - whom Allâh has given to you, and the daughters of your 'Amm (paternal uncles) and the daughters of your 'Ammah (paternal aunts) and the daughters of your Khâl (maternal uncles) and the daughters of your Khâlah (maternal aunts) who migrated (from Makkah) with you, and a believing woman if she offers herself to the Prophet, and the Prophet wishes to marry her; a privilege for you only, not for the (rest of) the believers. Indeed We know what We have enjoined upon them about their wives and those (captives or slaves) whom their right hands possess, - in order that there should be no difficulty on you. And Allâh is Ever Oft_Forgiving, Most Merciful.

51. You (O Muhammad ) can postpone (the turn of) whom you will of them (your wives), and you may receive whom you will. And whomsoever you desire of those whom you have set aside (her turn temporarily), it is no sin on you (to receive her again), that is better; that they may be comforted and not grieved, and may all be pleased with what you give them. Allâh knows what is in your hearts. And Allâh is Ever All_Knowing, Most Forbearing.

52. It is not lawful for you (to marry other) women after this, nor to change them for other wives even though their beauty attracts you, except those (captives or slaves) whom your right hand possesses. And Allâh is Ever a Watcher over all things. 33 Surat Alahzab

so u see he was ordered not to marry others than he already have even if he was attracted by their beauty.

Yes he married our mother Aisha very young and I mentioned the reason, but I will mention it again

1- At that era of time it was usual for girls to marry at that age, or when she reaches puberty age. And in the arabic peninsula girls reach that stage at very early age because of its hot climate, even the jews themselves used to marry their girls at such early age, one of them was our mother Safia(her father was one of the biggest jewish masters in Madina) she was married at age 12 because she saw a vision that the moon was sitting in her lap when she told her father he slapped her and told her: u want to marry the prophet of Arabs.? and he forced her to marry one old man, so that she would not marry the prophet, but then he was dead after a battle with the Muslims and

the prophet married her after she became Muslim(this proved her vision, and visions are always from God).

2- Being Young, she will be able to learn and memeorize everything taught to her by the prophet, she was raised by him, learning the Quran the hadith, and she become a scholar at that time, she uesd to teach the sahaba, and rectify them if they were wrong, she used to teach women their relegion because there were some sensitive cases that the prophet would be shy to answer to ladies, she would because if it happened with her she will ask him and and he will give her the right answer. so were his other wives, also they learned relegion from him, they were pious respectful women. And most of the

knowledge we know now and that is written in books that we are taught and

men are making masters degrees and doctorate in various Islamic science is from our mother Aisha (may Allah be pleased with her) and all our mothers.

3- she was the daughter of Alsadeeg Abu baker who was the first man to beleive in him, he aided him with his money and he immegrated with him to Madina, and he was his best friend, and

out of gratitude to his friend and to strengthen the friendship he married his daughter.

So these are the most important elements he married our mother Aisha, yes he loved her more than the others, but he was just in treating his wives, he never treated one better than another, but he never loved her(Aisha) more than our mother Khadija(may Allah be pleased with her, that she(Aisha may Allah be pleased with her) was sometimes envious of her(even in her grave) because the prophet loved her a lot, she stood beside him beleived in him helped him with everything she has, and he never married another woman until she died, he could have married another young girl being very young at the age of 25 and she 40 but he did not. After her he married our mother Sawda bint zuma' she was an old lady as well, after that he married our mother Aisha.So if I will write about all his marriages here and the reason for them it will take a very long post I hope this is enough to show that marriage in Islam is not merely for lust, yes it is a way to breakdown your feelings in the right path, but a man should respect his wife and treat her well, and if he wants to marry he should tell her first and it is up to her if she continous her life with him or not. and if she accepts Allah will retribute her in the heavens. For me I would prefer my husband marry anothar woman than commiting adultry with another woman, like this I feel that I am respected that he told me and that he is not going with bad women behind my back, this is what Allah asked us to do and we are pleased by his commands, he created us he knows what is best for us.

In the Holy Quran Allah Almighty says:

In the name of Allah the Most Gracious the Most Merciful:

1. O Prophet! Why do you ban (for yourself) that which Allâh has made lawful to you, seeking to please your wives? And Allâh is Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful.

2. Allâh has already ordained for you (O men), the dissolution of your oaths. And Allâh is your Maula (Lord, or Master, or Protector, etc.) and He is the All-Knower, the All-Wise.

3. And (remember) when the Prophet () disclosed a matter in confidence to one of his wives (Hafsah), so when she told it (to another i.e. 'Aishah), and Allâh made it known to him, he informed part thereof and left a part. Then when he told her (Hafsah) thereof, she said: "Who told you this?" He said: "The All-Knower, the All-Aware (Allâh) has told me".

4. If you two (wives of the Prophet , namely 'Aishah and Hafsah) turn in repentance to Allâh, (it will be better for you), your hearts are indeed so inclined (to oppose what the Prophet likes), but if you help one another against him (Muhammad ), then verily, Allâh is his Maula (Lord, or Master, or Protector, etc.), and Jibrael (Gabriel), and the righteous among the believers, and furthermore, the angels are his helpers.

5. It may be if he divorced you (all) that his Lord will give him instead of you, wives better than you, Muslims (who submit to Allâh), believers, obedient to Allâh, turning to Allâh in repentance, worshipping Allâh sincerely, fasting or emigrants (for Allâh's sake), previously married and virgins. 66 Surat al Tahreem.

So here he said he will replace him with beleivers, obedient, worshiping to Allah, fasting women, which means pious respectful women and not beautiful lucious women.

May Allah accept from me, if I am right it is from Allah alone and if I am wrong it is from my ignorance and little knowledge.

[Soledad]

prophet Mohammad married his wives as I mentioned for political reasons and also for pity reasons, because the islam nation was always in Jihad the men would die and leave behind them wives and family so will they be left like that?, no of course not, other sahaba will take care of them and their children, by this the society will be strong and united and there will be no poverty or helpless women, they did that by following the example of the prophet, but his wives were chosen for him by order from God he did not marry for lust,

Radiyah, I am a non-muslim but I do agree with you 100%. I'm not questioning the reasons of Prophet Mohammad for marrying more than one wife, not at all. I do understand the reasons and I accept them as such. What I'm question is this part of the message of one of the members:

Put it this way: you have one wife, you see her every single day (which is the case most of the time), eventually, it becomes boring. Can anyone argue? On the other hand, you have two, three or four, you see this one one day, you miss the other one, she misses you, you want to be with her. Then you miss the other one, she misses you, you want to be with her. So there's always life in the marriage there, there's always excitement, and so on.

This has nothing to do with the sacred of polygamy in my opinion about caring about other wives and see them as equal. Here in the last quote, we are talking about LUST and 'getting bored' of one wife and then go to another because of it. So I wanted to know what the Islam thinks about people who marry more than one wife just for the purpose of lust and not for the truly cause of the Islam. Thanks for your reply.

[radiyah]

So I wanted to know what the Islam thinks about people who marry more than one wife just for the purpose of lust and not for the truly cause of the Islam. Thanks for your reply.

Soledad u r most welcome, and I wrote this long post for others also to c, and thanks for u to bring up this question, I have a little story here that happened in the prophet time, one of the sahaba his father died in jihad, after a while he married an older woman than him who was a widow, so the prophet told him: y didnt u marry a young girl like u so that u will play with each other, he told him : o prophet my father left me ten sisters and I am the eldest and they have no one to take care of them so I saw this pious woman is the most suitable, the prophet was pleased with him and told him that it was a good decision, so where is the lust here? I would like to add something here, that the Islamic nation did not begin to collapse until they forgot about their noble purpose

and began falling into the swamp of lust, they did not serve in cause of Allah in any way, they became lucious selfish rulers drowning in their sins, when muslims go back to Allah and do exactly what he ordered we will again be a strong nation, that respect others, the main purpose of spreading Islam and fighting for it is to spread high moral and respect between people and nations and not to spread lucious ideas or dogmas, and the example for this was in spain, it was the begining of the collapse of the islamic nation when they forgot their main purpose and ran after their own lust.

I assume u know this history and read about it, accept my apology if i was too long in my posts and answers.

May Allah accept from me, and forgive

my sins.

[UmmHabibah]

Assalam aleikum

Akhee Abu Dujanah, what is your reference for saying Hassan wed 200 women, from what ive read the figure was in the 80s, just curious as its more than double.

Although i agree in principle with what you've said, as a wife Im not quite sure about being compared to a cup! Seems a bit of an imature comparison....maybe cause youre not married yet. We wives are hard work, its not as easy as drinking a cup of tea. And as well as them missing you, they will also be giving you a headache, cause thats what we wives do. Not as easy as you think.

And better for you to say Inshallah, regarding treating your future wife/wives well.

You have brought up good points, but re: the sahaba marrying numerous women and being poor or astaining from wordly things. Ya ahkee they had taqwa and upheld ALL their obligations of the deen, jihad and in marriage etc. How brothers can say that nowadays ? You brothers have a BIG responsibility in Islam. 30,000.00 sisters raped in Bosnia alone, whats going to be the answer of the so called men of our Ummah regarding this?

And the sahaba married the widows and the needy, it wasn't just about variety (which im sure you didn't mean, but your post implied it)

Having slave girls is halal, but its war booty......and no one is fighting the war! (with a small exceptions).

I'm not trying to divert from the subject, but when we talk about the sahaba marrying or having slave girls, they fullfiled their obligations in every matter. And they feared Allah tala in the smallest of things, so what about human life? Islam is not an negligent religion, if a man wants polygamy, fine thats his right but know the responsibility involved. Lets not belittle the deen just to make a statment.

I think there's a bit of tit for tat going on here!

And what brother would like to be raised half paralysed, due to his injustice between his wives? No, we want good for our brothers as we want for ourselves. This is a very serious subject, and a BIG responsibility for a brother.

Salam

****And how come everyone starts jumping up and down at Abu Dujanah's posts? Where's the dialogue?

[radiyah]

Alsalam sister umhabibah

And how come everyone starts jumping up and down at Abu Dujanah's posts? Where's the dialogue?

:confused: No body jumped up and down on abudujana, he wrote his opinion, and we answered back with ours, each is free to state his own opinion, we are all here brothers and sisters, and Insha' Allah we will not differ much on big issues. We are not scholars here, we maybe sometimes wrong and sometimes right, the pious ones are the ones that learn from their mistakes, May Allah aid us all to serve him, and only for the sake of Allah, and not for the sake of our own nafs.

And welcome to the board sister Umhabibah May Allah bless u all.

[Red Sea Diver]

Eidkum Mubarak May Allah Accept our good deeds.

I'll be very very brief,

In this time of temptations and fitnah and to keep a balance in the community, what is wrong if some one marries more than one as long as a person is acting justly between his wives , I mean in KSA alone there are more than 5million women who are over 30 and are not married yet!

This is among the signs of the day of Judgement that women wil be more than men.

To all the ladies please accept polygamy

[Dan]

Bismillah

As salam alaikum

I think most people had a problem with the methodology used by AD. There were times in the Prophet's life where he clearly had the upper hand but was still gentle in some dealings with nonmuslims which resulted in their conversion.

Especially in cases that some see as controversial, it is better to break things to people gently. Well if dawah is the goal.

Allah in the Qur'an slowly took away people's right to drink, starting with just not coming to prayer drunk. In a society where alcohol was prevelant, this was the best recourse. Imagine if Rasul-Ullah went out the first day of revelation and told everyone that he has a perfect religion for the people. "First, don't drink, women cover up, men can marry fewer women, now go out and die in the name of this religion!" How many would have followed that? The message is distorted. We do the things that we do because above all else we believe in the Oneness of Allah and in the Afterlife. Muhammad focused on at-Tawheed first then every thing else falls into place easily after that.

We should not run up to nonmuslims and tell them that in Islam we get to marry up to four wives and we kill apostates and stone adulterers. We introduce then to who God truly is. We purify their perception of the All-Mighty Lord. We show them what is wrong with what they are saying about God, like having offspring or allocating worship to other things. If they accept this then the rest of Allah's Rules fall into place.

Our Ummah has been making big mistakes in terms of dawah. We talk about the hijab first, how we don't drink alcohol, how we pray, why we speak Arabic, etc. The Companions did not do this when spreading Islam. "Come to at-Tawheed first" was the message. Then they were instructed in everything else.

I believe that is why most people upon hearing about Islam do not really convert. They may not feel as alienated by it but that is not our job. Abu Talib did not feel alienated and scared of Islam yet he is fire fuel. The message of Islam is to bring people to the understanding in the Oneness of Allah.

It does not matter how much they know about Islam. If they do not believe, then they are still blind and deaf.

May Allah make us of those who bring the Light of Islam into people's lives. May Allah open the hearts of nonmuslims to the beautiful Tawheed. May our souls be purified so we are cabable of carrying out this work. May our thoughts, words, and actions call everyone to worship Allah The Most Honorable and Majestic in the manner that suits His Glory. Allah forgive me for what I have misspoken. All good if from Allah through His Blessed Deen and all the bad and misinformation if from my own shortcomings. Astaghfirullah. May Allah Guide us all to be fully human as this deen allows us. Alhamdulillah

As salam alaikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatu

[Purgetroy]

exactly Dan! and just like that alcohol banning example you gave, I believe slavery also applies.