Multiple marriages

[Purgetory]

salamu alikum

Any information about the laws and when a male can and cant have another wife would be useful.

thanks in advance.

[Muslimah]

Wow purgetroy

I wanted to open this discussion but didn't know how?

listen on the forum there are two articles on polygny one by Sharrifa Carlo http://www.islamsms.com/bb/viewtopic.php?t=617

while this one contains almost opposite info:

http://www.islamsms.com/bb/viewtopic.p...hlight=polygyny

let us all try to discuss this topic I am really interested to have our opinion on it. Actually the first one of sister Sharrifa sees that polygyny is the basic and taking one wife is the exception. While the second sees that Islam confirms by virtue of the relevant Ayahs which I will Insh a Allah later this afternoon post here, taking only one wife.

[hassan_elqouar]

Polygamy in Islam

Conditions and Advantages

Polygamy or plurality of wives is one of the controversial questions connected with the family system of Islam.

In this connection a few points are worth consideration in an effort to show how much the West was and still is completely misguided and misguiding in its conception of this issue

(a) Natural and social prerequists of Polygamy

It is evident that the question of polygamy arises when:

- The number of women eligible for marriage is more than the number of men

- There are women who are willingly prepared to marry a man already having a wife and consider such a marriage to be in their interest.

Hence the question of polygamy does not arise firstly if the number of marriageable women is less than that of eligible men; and secondly if the women are unwilling to marry men having other wives. Now let us see in the case of the existence of the two conditions mentioned above, as to what can be the most reasonable and practical way of preserving the family system and safeguarding the interests of such women.

Here another question arises and that in itself is worthy of taking into consideration. It is the question of the disparity between men and women in the age of fecundity which has two aspects:

(1) marriage age of puberty mostly commences earlier in girls than in boys.

(2) The power of procreation of women ceases at a certain age, after which they become pregnant in very rare cases, whereas there is no such fixed age for men.

( Polygamy before Islam

It should be remembered that the custom of polygamy existed before the advent of Islam among the Jews, the Arabs, the Persians and many other peoples of the world. All that Islam has done is that it restricted it.

During the Middle Ages it was propagated in Europe that the practice of polygamy was first introduced by Islam. Will Durant has denied this charge. In his book, History of Civilization (vol.1 p.61) He says:

The clerics in the Middle Ages thought that polygamy was an innovation of the Prophet of Islam. But that is not the case. As we have seen, it has been practised in most societies before Islam.

Without paying attention to its natural or social causes the Europeans over many centuries tried to describe polygamy as a big weakness of the Islamic teachings. At last some scholars unveiled this myth and showed how topsy turvy is the picture painted of this custom and how unjust is its attribution to Islam.

The French historian Gustave Le Bon says in his book: In Europe no Eastern custom has been so much criticized as polygamy and Europe has also not gone so wrong about any usage as about it. The European writers have considered polygamy to be the foundation of Islam and have described it as the root cause of the spread of this religion as well as of the decline of the Eastern people. If the readers of this book cast off their European prejudice for a while, they will admit that polygamy is a good custom as far as the social system of the East is concerned. It has enabled the people by whom it is practised to strengthen and invigorate their family relations. Thanks to this custom the woman enjoys more respect in the East than in the West. Before introducing our arguments to prove what we say, we have to mention that polygamy has not been first introduced by Islam, for this custom was prevalent among the pre-Islamic people of the East, including the Jews, the Persians, the Arabs ...e.t.c. Even in theWestern countries, though the climate of none of them is conducive to such a custom, monogamy is a thing which is found only in the legal books. I do not think that it can be denied that in actual practice monogamy does not exist in our society. I wonder how and why the legalized polygamy of the East is inferior to the clandestine polygamy of the West.

Polygamy and its Conditions in Islam

Islam allows polygamy on three basic conditions:

(1) Preservation of the purity and cordiality of family life so that it may not become the cause of disruption of the family affairs.

(2) Number of wives not to exceed four.

(3) Equitable treatment of all the wives.

Now let us see what the Quran says in this respect:

"Marry women of your liking, two or three or four, and if you fear that you shall not deal justly with so many then (marry) only one" (Surah AI-Nisa, 4:3)

As we mentioned earlier, prior to Islam there existed no limit as to the number of wives. lt was Islam which restricted it and prevented the formation of harems found in the lives of the wealthy persons, rulers and sultans.

Furthermore, Islam has emphasized that taking advantage of this permission is conditional on the observance of complete equitability between the wives. This precondition requires the presence of a special spirit in the man. If he lacks it, he is not allowed to take more than one wife. In the end, it is to be pointed out that the basic objective of conjugal life in Islam being the contentedness of the family members and mutual love and benevolence of the husband and wife, the best and the most satisfactory form of marriage is naturally monogamy. Hence the men should avail themselves of the permission of polygamy only in very exceptional circumstances and that too on the condition that they find themselves Competent enough to satisfy all the material and moral needs of their wives and treat them equitably. In any case Islam has drawn in detail the conditions of a happy marriage, as follows:

Family Manners

The Holy Prophet (P.B.U.H.) has said:

"The best men among you are those who are the best husbands of their wives".

The best of your women are those:Who are loving and kindly; Who look after their chastity; Who are not arrogant or disobedient to their husbands; Who are faithful to their husband in their absence.

Imam Ali (A.S.) has said:

"Be kind to your wife and treat her well. Kindness will change her for the better, will keep her satisfied and will preserve her health and beauty".

"Do not stop your wife from spending and being generous in the house. Do not be stingy in this respect".

"By your chastity protect your wife from casting an evil eye on others stealthily and entertaining an idea of sin".

"Your attitude towards her should be such that she may not think of un-lawful means to satisfy her lawful desires

"Do not behave with her in such a way that she may notice when you are despondent and sexually exhausted".

Source: Noor Al Islam

[Anas003]

One of the things that Allaah has enjoined in His Book is fair treatment of co-wives. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

“You will never be able to do perfect justice between wives even if it is your ardent desire, so do not incline too much to one of them (by giving her more of your time and provision) so as to leave the other hanging (i.e., neither divorced nor married). And if you do justice, and do all that is right and fear Allaah by keeping away from all that is wrong, then Allaah is Ever Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful.” [al-Nisaa’ 4:129][/color:bb1eada36a]

[b:bb1eada36a]The justice that is required here is a fair division of nights, and the giving of each wife her rights as regards spending and clothing.[/b:bb1eada36a] This does not refer to [b:bb1eada36a]emotions or love[/b:bb1eada36a], because man has no control over his feelings. But some people, when they marry more than one wife, favour one and neglect the other, spending more time with one wife and spending more on her, and ignoring the other. This is haraam, and the person who does this will come on the Day of Resurrection in the condition described by the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) in the hadeeth narrated by Abu Hurayrah: “Whoever has two wives and gives one of them preferential treatment, he will come on the Day of Resurrection with half of his body leaning.” (Narrated by Abu Dawud, 2/601; see also Saheeh al-Jaami’, 6491).

[Muslimah]

Jazakum Allah khairan both brothers for your valuable input. It is actually very enlightening

[Muslimah]

Bismellah Arrahman Arraheem

Praise be to Allah, a praise which is adequate to Your multiple bounties, Praise be to Allah abundant and special gratitude, we send prayer and peace on the best Messenger to the worlds our Prophet Mohamed, his family members, companions and whoever followed them until the day after. “They said: Glory to thee: of knowledge We have none, save what it is thou who art perfect in knowledge and wisdom.” We invoke upon Allah to teach us what may be of benefit to us and allow us benefit of what He taught us. I sincerely supplicate to Allah to inspire me with the correct information in this subject and credit first and last is to Him only. I also seek His forgiveness and to Him I apologize in case I made any mistake. My excuse is that I am just striving to learn and help others learn. May He grant us correct knowledge.

I have a word to say here. Although I am a female who lives in one of those Muslim countries greatly affected by Western culture, Egypt. To further explain this, a man who decides to practice polygyny does so in total confidentiality. In other words, mostly does not declare the marriage. Only until a decade ago that a code was enforced making it mandatory for the husband to notify the first wife of his second marriage. To bring it more to your minds, the society does not easily accept a man’s second marriage. Unlike in other Arab countries such as those in the Gulf area where men even hold a wedding party for the second marriage. Majority of women in Egypt, even if she is in a status that makes her in need to marry does not entertain a proposal from a married man. The unacceptability of the situation is so inherit in the societal texture that those who practice it encounter major difficulties. I know this introduction was long but important.

Growing up in such environment along with the feeling of a woman made me always need to look more into polygyny. However, Alhamdulelah since a very young age I always argued that this is Sharia`a Allah and we can not reject it. We don’t have to carry on searching for excuses or verifications to prove Sharia`a Allah is correct. It certainly is correct. Nothing in the book of Quran could be in any form harmful to mankind. Harm comes from us when we fail to understand the wisdom of Allah behind any legislation. Failure to understand makes us victim of a struggle to accept. Now the two mentioned articles conclude to totally opposite outputs. Shariffa says polygyny is the basis and one wife is the exception while the other concludes that Islam calls for taking only one wife. We might say that, and please take note I am in no position of a scholar. I am just a Muslim woman trying to discuss a point. The article that says one is based on the Ayah at the end of Surat Nissa “- Ye are never able to be fair and just as between women, even if it is your ardent desire: but turn not away (from a woman) altogether, so as to leave her (as it were) hanging (in the air). if ye come to a friendly understanding, and practice self restraint, God is oft forgiving, most merciful.” (An nissa Quran 4: 125) in completion to “If ye fear that ye shall not be able to deal justly with the orphans, marry women of your choice, two, or three, or four; but if ye fear that ye shall not be able to deal justly (with them). then only one, or (a captive) that your right hands possess. that will be more suitable, to prevent you from doing injustice.” (Quran 4: 3). These two Ayahs form grounds and rules of polygyny. To me it can never be that Allah allows an issue at the beginning of the Surat then negates it at the end. I think to the best of my understanding He explained in detail that it is permissible for the man to do so. It is not obligatory though. However, He as usual brings forth all aspects of the issue and warns against potential problems of an act which is not being equally just between women. And further clarified that it is likely to happen stressing that unless a man is confident to be able to be just then he still have the choice of keeping only one wife. Now let us move to another point in this regard. What actually makes this system hard to apply in Muslim countries mainly? Sobhan Allah only when I started being exposed through the Internet to other Western societies including our brothers and sisters who revert that I seriously realized the importance of this system. Women who revert in such communities are usually left with nothing and nobody. Meaning they divorce, detach from family members, find difficulty to work. Unlike us in Muslim countries. When a woman becomes single for any reason or even never marries, she is usually supported by the family members and lives among them. Alhamdulelah our countries still accept to a certain degree employment of Muhjabats. Now only the three people involved in polygyny can make it work. First the man must strictly observe the hadeeth mentioned by brother Anas003, the first wife should never feel underestimated or devalued on the contrary I heard some men say if the presence and effect of the first wife was strong this will encourage for a second marriage. In other words being so happy with a woman shall give a positive impression about women in general. So she must never feel that he took the second one to fill a gap due to her. Or that his love to her became less. In return if she removes the guilt feeling off his shoulder, he shall come back home still longing to see her rather than just doing homework . Over and above, when the first wife realizes that marriage is part of Allah’s sustenance, she will know that it was only by virtue of Allah’s Qadar for the second to join. Since she was destined to be provided by the man. Sobhan Allah. Specially when there will be children. The second wife was supposed to bear the man’s children. It was recorded already. While the second wife must realize as well that it is never associated to being better, more beautiful or smarter that the man took her. If she behaves like this and starts to be filled with egoism, she may face a similar situation so that Allah let her taste the same. At the end actually it is the hardest trial a man may face. And if he chooses so, he must realize this and act accordingly. I think this is enough for now may be I can come back with more later Insh a Allah.

Alhamdulelah Rubel a`alameen wa salatu wa salam a`ala ashraf ulmorsaleen

[Amira2003]

Salam alikom

In our present time many practices of Islam are misunderstood (unfortunately) by both muslims and non-muslims, and polygamy is misunderstood by many. Today I can not tell you polygamy is applied correctly always, for there are muslim women who suffer from it, but Islam is not to blame, the blame falls on those men who actually did not follow the guidelines of Islam on polygamy. Furthermore I believe if a woman does not want to apply polygamy to her personal life that does not give her the right to deny it or spread false information about it.

Islam set conditions to polygamy the first is fairness and justice, he must be fair in matters under his control. If a man feels that he will not be just then he is forbidden to marry more than one, and if a man does get married and he is not just on the day of judgment he will come leaning to one side and the proof is the hadith of the prophet(pbuh).

however a man does not have to be just in loving his wives as some say, for love is something that is not under his control .Second condition is financial capability a man must be able to spend equally on his wives ,also each wife has the right to have her own accommodation. Although today it’s not easy to apply those conditions but if a man can meet those conditions all I can say is may Allah help him succeed and fill his life happiness. Furthermore it’s not a condition for the husband to take the permission of the first wife but it’s from the kindness and the good manners of a muslim man to inform his first wife. Except however if it was agreed before marriage that he will not marry on her or he has to divorce her if he wants to marry on her then he has to keep his word for in the Quran it says:

“O ye who believe! fulfil (all) obligations…………………….” Surah Al-Ma’idah verse 1.

Also in a hadith it says:

Book 28, Number 28.6.16:

Malik said, "The custom among us is that when a man marries a woman, and he makes a condition in the marriage contract that he will not marry after her or take a concubine, it means nothing unless there is an oath of divorce or setting-free attached to it. Then it is obliged and required of him."

Also if a man marries on his wife it does not mean he no longer loves her as some claim and the greatest proof is the prophet(pbuh) ,he used to love Ayisha(Ra) so much but still he married on her.

Furthermore there is wisdom behind polygamy and it has many advantages, this link is discussing the ruling on polygamy and the wisdom behind it:

http://63.175.194.25/index.php?ln=eng&ds=q...&QR=14022&dgn=3

Also some people say that the verse 3 and 129 in Surah Al-Nisa contradict but they do not for nothing in the Quran contradicts and here is a link that explains :

http://www.fatwa-online.com/fataawa/marria.../9991018_46.htm

[Muslimah]

So sister Amira we both agree Insh a Allah may Allah illuminate our path

[Muslimah]

One more point I would like to add here is that Allah Created man in a totally different manner, feelings wise, from women. I think Allah made him equipped to be able to love more than one woman at the same time. Unlike women. For instance I think that a man may love his two wives on the same level just like the mother loves her own children all equally. He shall find something different in both of them. That is my own opinion. May be one of the brothers may comment on this.