Dealing with Arrogant Muslims

[youthofislam]

Assalamu Alaikum

I would like your advice on this issue. There is this brother whom I am regularly around, like almost every day. He is a muslim, so we pray together and talk islam (only when agruing a topic).

Over the past years I am more convinced that he doesn't know how to perform wudu or he doesn't even know what he is supposed to say while praying. He makes sajdah in a split second. he raises his index finger in tashahud only when I raise mine and if he's praying alone he raises his finger and immediately after, makes salaams. There are many many more reasons I have come to believe this.

He however claims to know everything and this is apparrent even in non-islamic issues. I am almost certain but not 100% that he does not know these things. I tried to make provisions for him to learn wudu and try to talk about salaat with others while he is there.

He; based on his statements have brought me to the conclusion that he doesn't believe all this stuff like wudu and perfection of salaat as important. He thinks we should live this world to the fullest and all the dedication to islam and sunnah as non-important. It's like his method of thinking is you are a muslim and pray now and then that's all you need to get into jannah. He even commented once or twice that he's sure he's going to Jannah so apparrently he doesn't strive for attaing any better knowledge of islam. If I try to tell him something he is always like "yeah I know" It's really hard to talk to him. Or on some fiqh issue he's like well I don't think it should be so. Now I wanna just concentrate on his salaat firstly.

I care about this brother and I would like the best for him but how do you suppose I could approach him. Since he is whth that attitude that he knows everything when I am almost extermely certain he does not. How do I get him to grasp the importance of the fundamentals of Islam. And show him that he cant be satisfied with himself in thers of his knowledge of Islam. I try to encourage him to go to classes with me or lectures but he always makes some excuse and the very few times I get him to go he comes out criticising or pays no heed to anything he heard. All his time is dedicated RELIGIOUSLY to downloading comics, renting DVDs and looking at TV. And all other time to studying. Then he says "I have no time I got to Study" that's the most popular excuse.

The latest is that he is angry with me for refusing to deliver the three episodes of "American Pie" to one of his friends for his birthday present. He justifies looking at it because "the first tow is about friendship while the third is about a wonderful love story" As far as I heard all the episodes have Nudity, Cursing and Improper Sexual Content. But he sees nothing wrong with looking at it.

Please help on both or all these Issues ! I wanna help this brother !

[SisterJennifer]

Asalaamu alikum,

There is a story about the Prophet's grandsons who encountered an old man who was not performing wudu correctly. They realized they had abligation to tell him the right way, but wanted to be careful to do it in such a way that would not belittle the man. So one day when they saw the man getting ready to do wudu, they asked him in a polite way if he would mind watching htem do wudu. They told him they wanted to be sure they were doing it correctly. The man realized these were the Prophets own grandsons, and he said yes he would be happy to watch them, and he did watch carefully as the boys performed wudu. When the boys were finished, he told them Masha Allah, you did it perfectly. Of course, the man had just been taught in a kind and gentle way how to perform wudu.

So what I am saying is that if you are able to help your brother, you should help him in the best of ways.

And I'm happy to hear you did not deliver the films.

I hope this helps a little.

[youthofislam]

Jazaa-Kallah Sister, buut you see I tried this. I performed wudu infront of him many times. He once asked me "I forgot could you tell me which side I am suppoesd to wash first" but I realised that he only asked me this because he knew I was looking at him.

I even on another occasion asked him to pour water for me so that I can perform wudu and he had no choice but to see me. But when I offered to pour for him, he refused and told me to go prepare the mats for prayers. He was wearing long sleeves and shoes, none of which were removed. And he came a couple seconds after as if he had performed wudu.

I even made his sister put up a chart on the wall in the bathroom about how to perform wudu. None of this helped. He seems not to care about these things. He apparrently thinks they are all unnecessary and only for the people of the past.

His attitude towards Islam is like the christians "Believe and you shall be saved" And all he does is believes and prays or at least does the gestures for prayers.

He's still trying to tell me that there is nothing wron with looking at movies with inappropriate material eg. Cursing and Nudity. And he can't see anything wrong with it. He pays hardly any heed to Hadith.

His sister is convinced that he is beyond help but I know Allah will guide whom he pleases. But we, the muslims have to do our job as well. And the people he interacts with will not help but make him worse. So I feel obligated. He doesn't smoke or drink and is very friendly and polite to people, even myslef (except for the arguing). I don't know where to start !!!

[youthofislam]

I also send him emails indirectly... we have a mailing list that we send out occasionally with Islamic advice and teachings. I use topics that could help him but. His sister says she saw him just deleting them from his mailbox. So he doesn't even read them. The only way he might read them is if I address them directly to him. But I don't know how to approach him with this attitude of his. Sometimes I just want to confront him and tell him it like it is how he's wrong and show him his severe lack of Islamic knowledge but this might have an adverse effect. He does,'t care to learn his deen, as I said earlier, he on a couple of occasions said that he is sure he is going to Paradise.

[Muslimah]

as salam alykom brother and welcome to the board

Well your brother needs help and u r ready to give it. Just dont give up on him, no one is beyond help. U have the will, seek Allah's guidance, make dua for him, remain adopting a patient attitude, repeat what u say, avoid making him feel looked down at, if u treat the thief as an honest person he will try to prove so.

If he is sure that he is going to Jannah, that is between him and Allah, never make judegment and contradict him, never approach this area.

Continue giving direct and indirect advices in a nice humble way without letting him feel u r better or know more, or closer to Allah, for no one knows actually who is closer or how one may end.

So u make dua, his sister makes dua we will make dua

May Allah assist this brother to improve and get closer to Allah, may Allah makes His satisfaction the only aim this brother have, may Allah teach him to differntiate between truth and falsehood.

ameen

[youthofislam]

Jazaa-Kallah...

I appreciate your advice. How do I respond to the nonesense he sometimes says about Islamic Issues. Whenever we discuss Islam we end up debating for lengths of time sometimes arguing about it. We are normal after the debte cools down but they tend to get heated sometimes because of the things he says and refutes. And I am supposed to correct a person when they say something wrong about Islam.

I try over and over to talk to him in a calm and collective way... but it's like he doesn't take it on; pays no heed.

He has an attitude that he is always right and this I believe is his major downfall. He will never accept that he is wrong about any issue.

He still justifies looking at bad movies. Not the Rated X kinds but the norm today with all the indecent exposeure and he says that there is nothing wron with this because it's the love story that he pays attention to.

He made a statement once that he fears what paradise will be like because too much bliss is bad and he's afraid! I couldn't believe this!

He thinks Hadith is hear say and that the quran is not to be taken literally but as a guide... a book of stories he says...

So talking nicely to him doesn't seem to work... I've known him for about 4 years and I am seeing him getting worse rather than better.

I need a strategy.... I make Duaa and I pray for him and his family as well...

HELP !

[SisterJennifer]

Asalaamu alikum brother,

It's nice you care so much about your brother to want to help him so much. You already mentioned that you are making dua' for him and this is the best thing you can do.

Be careful not to argue too much. I think the best thing you can do if you have some disagreement, is just simply state your position backing it with Quran and Hadith and do it of course in a patient way, and leave it for him to consider. If you know other brothers who can speak with him as well, maybe that will be beneficial too.

May Allah guide us to the right path and forgive our shortcomings. Ameen.

[Muslimah]

ameen for your dua Jennifer and her advice about the way u talk is just it.

OK may be a strategy (came up with Allah's guidance) would help.

1. Before u go ahead with the following steps, make Salatu lhaja, which is 2 raka`a voluntarily with the intention that Allah fulfills your need. Make dua after finishing that Allah guids u, supports u with the proper argument, protects u and him from shaytan (this is very important).

2. Before talking to him, read Ayatul korsi with intention of protecting both of u from shaytan.

3. Focus first on Salat (prayer).

4. Now the advice Jennifer gave about how u talk, when u stop must apply.

5. When u talk about Salat, dont use the regular articles, explain to him that the word salah in arabic is derived from Silah which is connection or tie. So in other words, Salah is our connection with Allah, tell him that when he has a close friend, he calls or sees him 4 5 6 times a day, how about Allah? tell him the one who prepared all this world for u to live and enjoy and yet much more to come in Jannah, he expects to go, so tell him dont u think Allah is worth this time to spend with. Explain to him that Allah does not need our Salah, but rather we need to maintain the connection. Give him and example, tell him when he is not on with someone for a long time, suddenly he needs something from this person, usually he feels shy to call and ask directly, he makes two calls on two separate days before asking, same thing with Allah, yet even if we dont meet Him on time and we ask, He gives.

The conclusion help him feel Allah's Glory and mercy, help him love Allah.

[Muslimah]

I can say more I just dont want to sound like dictating u what to say. Explain to him that each one of us according to a hadeeth saying what means, when he goes to sleep shaytan comes and ties three knots on the back of his neck telling him sleep heavily, when one wakes up and remembers Allah one knot is untied, makes wodu, the second is untied, prays the third is untied. In case one does not do all of this, the knots of shaytan remain causing him many unwanted symptoms, such as heavy chest, feeling down and lazy, no inner satisfaction no matter what u do, u may find entertainment but temporary. (sorry the post is getting long)

6. Explain how the water of wodu takes off sins from each limb.

7. Read ayaht ul korsi a lot with the intention of protecting him from shaytan. It is just simple that shaytan never leaves the son of Adam alone.

8. Dont redicule him, when he comes up with funny comments just stop the discussion as jennifer said.

May Allah reward u much for this, remember none of the Messengers and prophets had it easy, none, they heard a lot, a lot, dont give up, u dont want to end up in a whale's tummy like Yunus:)

[youthofislam]

Muslimah please DO dictate to me. I need all the advice I can get. He's really something! I need full backup before I talk to him so please tell me everything you can. All of you on this forum; continue to Supply whatever information you can.

Also need help for some Quranic References and Saheeh Hadith for how Muslims should live their lives dedicated to Allah and not only in pursuit of worldly affairs. The importance of practising Islam and Learning, etc. And not just looking at TV and reading comics, hanging out and Studying Academics.

May Allah Reward You ALL !!!