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Muslim College Life: Dating, Drinking and Deen
By Huma Ahmed
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Freedom. Young people live for the day when they can move out of the house and go to college and finally be free. Freedom from their parents, from restrictions on their lifestyle, from everyone telling them what to do. This is why in college you find a whole generation that does what they want. Life's short they say, let's enjoy ourselves while we can.
So it goes for Muslims. In college you find the most amazing things, Muslims who don't pray, Muslims who date, Muslims who attend MSA meetings but go out to parties and drink. Why is this happening? For one, when students go off to university they finally realize that what they believed in was blind. Religion becomes like Father Christmas, when they got old enough, they knew better than to believe in it. Most have little knowledge about Islam and have maybe memorized the right rituals to get by. Why believe something on faith, they ask. After all we cannot see heaven or hell. How do we know Islam is right anyway?
Islamic culture to them means marrying someone they never knew. It means arranged marriages and never hanging out or having fun. For girls Islamic culture has even less to offer. It would mean double standards or having to serve a husband the rest of her life.
The western alternative to this looks a lot more attractive. In western culture "love and romance" are supposedly everywhere. Everyone is out looking for love freely. Meeting someone, going out, seeking pleasure sounds a lot better. But what about the downside? For love at first sight, you need to have the right image, the right hair, and the right clothes. Girls have to aspire to be like the latest supermodels, they have to hold back age. Who's going out with whom, what are my friends thinking, what will happen if I don't get the right girl or guy, and what is my girlfriend or boyfriend thinking, all become important. Frustration, desperation, and unhappiness become the norm.
Imagine all the heartache youth would save if they followed the Islamic alternative. In true Islam, unlike culture, there is no gameplaying. If two people wish to be involved they are both straight with one another. Unlike what goes on today amongst some Muslims, they both meet each other and make a contract to marry. Women are treated with respect; there is no sexual bombardment like there is in western society. Sex in western culture is also often seen as a vice or a sin of the flesh. But even in religious Islam, sex is seen as natural. As long as it is in the right circumstances, when the two are committed to one another.
Drinking in college is also the norm unfortunately. If you don't drink or party you're seen as weird. Drinking is cool and a way for people to socialize, meet and have fun. The one who doesn't is less of a person and 'misses out'. Drinking and all the harms that come with it is cut off at the root in Islam. So many problems are avoided, accidents, pregnancy, violence and even rape for example. In college and in the world, success in life is not seen in terms of religion. It is seen as what other people think, one's careers, how much money they make. If you are religious you must have failed at life. But why do we have this separation? And this blindness in religion? The Quran tells us again and again not to have blind faith, not to follow the religion of our forefathers.
Yet, we as Muslims have stopped thinking. We may think about what our friends or other people will say, but we avoid thinking about the real issues. We spend so much time on the opposite sex, thinking about careers, money etc, but we forget to think about death and how much of this we will really be able to take with us? "Every soul shall have a taste of death and only on the Day of Judgement shall you be paid your full recompense...for the life of this world is but goods and chattels of deception" (Quran 3:185) Shouldn't we take the time to contemplate what will happen to us after we hit the grave? After all, what is the point of life if we are not accountable for our actions? If there is no creator, what is the point of being honest or good?
If we really look at our life we see that everything is indefinite, getting a job, even living until tomorrow. In fact we could die anytime, this is a definite, the _only_ dead certain thing in our life. Most of us believe we can make up for our actions later or we can be religious later. We are gambling. The chances of our dying today are little, but the stakes are high. Allah reminds us of the importance of this, "O you who believe, obey Allah as he should be obeyed, and die not except in a state of Islam" (Quran3: 102)
Each of us needs to decide. Is Islam right or not? Why don't we take the time, just once, once in our lives to find out if Islam is right? Is the Quran from God or not? We can't see God, but is there a maker to all this? We need to study nature, and the world. We only live once, if Islam is wrong then we should leave it, but if it's right we shouldn't go halfway. We shouldn't go to a club thinking we are only going to 'hang out and are not doing anything wrong' then feel guilty about it later. We shouldn't go on a date or drink, then feel guilty about it, worrying about hellfire. If Islam is right, we should follow it.
On the Day of Judgement it will be us alone who will be asked about our actions. If Islam is right and we are not following this deen completely, we are injuring our own soul, both in this life and the next. "Verily We have revealed the Book to thee in truth, for (instructing) mankind. He, then that receives guidance benefits his own soul: but he that strays injures his own soul..." Quran 39:41
This is the true definition of freedom. To learn about Islam and the world openly. To contemplate about life and death. And after learning the truth, obeying the word of God. "Those on whom knowledge has been bestowed may learn that the (Quran) is the truth from your Lord, and that they believe therein, and their hearts may be made humbly (open) to it..." Quran 22:54
Once students have this rock-solid intellectual belief in Islam, the corruptness and falseness of the people around them is clear. The beauty and wisdom of the Islamic way, the best alternative is clear. What other's do is of less importance. If others think they were weird to pray or weird to be honest, they would still pray and still be honest because they know their deen. The Prophet (SAW)'s famous hadith to 'seek knowledge even if it leads to china' or to 'seek knowledge from the cradle to the grave' is too often forgotten by students. Our Quran's are left on the top shelves, gathering dust. Sometimes the most it is read is when someone dies. How is this to help, when the guidance comes too late? The Quran is for the living. The path to understanding and following Islam comes from learning first.
How many of us are Muslim, yet have never read the Quran in our native language? How many of us are Muslim, yet have yet to open a book on hadith or Sunnah? How many of us defend Islam to non-Muslims, but do not follow it ourselves? May Allah forgive and lead us and all those lost to the straight path, inshaAllah. Ameen.
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Bismillah
As salam alaikum
If any of my brothers or sisters want to know what life is like without any type of Islam at all them please ask me rather than finding out for yourself. The pure torture, pain, isolation, and anguish that one experiences from a lack of faith is horrible.
Any aspect of the dunya that someone would like to know about then ask because I have tried to fill my once vacant soul with every worthless bit of it. Let my tale of suffering without Allah and without Islam be a source of deterance for my ummah, my family.
Every time I hear of muslims not practicing this beautiful deen that was Given to them, my heart breaks and my pity goes out to them. Sex, alcohol, drugs, material possessions lead nowhere in this life... and to hell in the afterlife.
Image being unfulfilled this entire life to only find out that you will be punished for that in the afterlife. What a dreadful existence! Even if you find relief and comfort in the life of this world, is it worth the price of your soul? Coddling your nafs, so you can burn?
If anyone, especially young adults, need to ask about my experience in order to stay away from temptations they are suffering, please feel free to ask. It is not a time of my life that I enjoy discussing due to the sheer darkness I felt. But I would rather tell my story to help others and have them be able to avoid the same trappings to which shaitan calls us all.
Remember, everything in this creation is dying, even our sun. Nothing is eternal here except our deeds. Protect them as the precious gems that they are. I remember reading a hadith that gave me pause. We will offer all of this world just to be able to offer two rakats of prayer. Just two rakat are worth more than this world and it is something that we are all very capable of doing.
This deen makes us people. The other stuff makes us animals following their desires. If you doubt this then watch the intoxicated people interact. It is a drug that turns people to monkeys, following where their bodies lead them. Please, please, let the blessing that Allah has already Given you shine into your life. Now is the time that we can change. Upon death, there is no going back. The books are sealed.
May Allah Protect us all from the fire. May our deeds lead us to the Light instead of darkness. May Allah Forgive me for my shortcomings and Guide us all.
Jazakum Allah Khair
As salam alaikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatu
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as salam alykom Dan
u know what although I am not a teen, but I think posting your experience will benefit all of us. I really believe so
And by the way, r u interested in helping to moderate this forum, if yes pls let me know, may Allah reward u for all your effort and time and bestow useful knowledge on all of us ameen
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Bismillah
As salam alaikum
I have no problem with telling my experience with others. It is a quite extensive story so if anyone has issues that are particularly troubling, I can with that. If I started at the beginning, I would need to take up enough space for a book.
Jazaki Allah for asking me to moderate. What would that entail? You can pm me a list of duties and requirements if you prefer. I do not want to immediately answer without knowledge of what I would need to do. I worry about my accountability before Allah. Alhamdulillah.
As salam alaikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatu
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Wsallam Brother Dan.
Im sure you know what it is like to be in my shoes. I am in high school right now. I see vices happening right and left. And I remind myself of my duty to Allah SWT.
I know that this world is finite, and that infinity lies right over the horizon; if we can just reach to it.
I would definatly like to hear your story, I am very curious. Don't rush, just take your time and us the kahuna (big) picture.
:cool:
Ws salam, have a good day. Eat 3-5 veggies a day:)
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Bismillah
As salam alaikum
Anything particular that is trying? I know that there are certain aspects of this life that bother me more than others.
I was raised by my mother since my parents were divorced. She always instilled in me respect for women. While my friends were luedly commenting about a girl's body and what they would do to her, I would feel pity in my heart for her. Would she still dress that way if she knew what men were truly saying and thinking about her? I had more respect for a woman who dressed conservatively than one who basically looked like she walked the streets. This was all before Islam even.
Looking back at high school, I remember that I thought that it would never end. Now it seems such a small part of my life to have given up any of my principles just to belong to people whom I have no contact with nor care about. There are certain times when I gave up my ideals to belong but there were other times when I clung to my ideals even when it was difficult. It is easy to see which one I am more proud of and remember fondly.
A major reason that I am reluctant to tell events from my life just to tell them is that I do not want to glorify those experiences in any manner like war stories. I also do not like to be the center of attention because I do not want pride to enter my heart at all. I also just plain do not like being the center of attention.
Veggies are good. Do you allow for V8 juice?
As salam alaikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatu
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Assalamualaikum Brother Dan,
I agree with you. Your perspective is very correct indeed in this regard of not sharing ... !!!!
May Allah SWT accept our deeds strictly to Him - Aameen.
Wassalam
Ahmed.
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Quote:<i>Originally posted by Dan </i><b>Bismillah</b>
As salam alaikum
Anything particular that is trying? I know that there are certain aspects of this life that bother me more than others.
I was raised by my mother since my parents were divorced. She always instilled in me respect for women. While my friends were luedly commenting about a girl's body and what they would do to her, I would feel pity in my heart for her. Would she still dress that way if she knew what men were truly saying and thinking about her? I had more respect for a woman who dressed conservatively than one who basically looked like she walked the streets. This was all before Islam even.
Looking back at high school, I remember that I thought that it would never end. Now it seems such a small part of my life to have given up any of my principles just to belong to people whom I have no contact with nor care about. There are certain times when I gave up my ideals to belong but there were other times when I clung to my ideals even when it was difficult. It is easy to see which one I am more proud of and remember fondly.
A major reason that I am reluctant to tell events from my life just to tell them is that I do not want to glorify those experiences in any manner like war stories. I also do not like to be the center of attention because I do not want pride to enter my heart at all. I also just plain do not like being the center of attention.
Veggies are good. Do you allow for V8 juice?
As salam alaikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatu
Salam Brother. I completely understand your position on this.
V8 is good stuff.
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