09-20-2003, 02:22 PM
~ 6.2. Rights and Responsibilities of Parenthood ~
Parents’ responsibilities for the care and upbringing of their children are mentioned in several places in the Qur’an, as well as in the Hadith:
“O you who have attained to faith! Ward off from yourselves and your families that fire (of the hereafter) whose fuel is human beings and stones.”
(Al-Qur’an: al-Tahrim 66:6)
How do we ward off that fire from our families? We need to show to them the right way and to teach them the difference between right and wrong. An excellent example of this is found in the words of Luqman to his son (Al-Qur’an Luqman 31:13-19) where he admonishes him:
*not to ascribe divine powers to anything other than Allah;
*to be good and kind to parents;
*to obey parents unless they command what is wrong;
*to understand that all our deeds however minor are recorded and will be brought to light;
*to be constant in prayer;
*to enjoin what is right and forbid what is wrong;
*to bear what befalls him with patience;
*to avoid pride, arrogance and boastfulness; and
*to be modest in manner and speech.
This is a model example of parental responsibility and advice. Luqman guides his own son on the path to paradise with simple but memorable words. This parental responsibility belongs not only to the father. Prophet Muhammad (sollallahu 'alayhi wa sallam) is reported to have said:
“Take care! Each of you is a shepherd and each of you shall be asked concerning his flock; a leader is a shepherd of his people, and he shall be asked concerning his flock; and a man is a shepherd of the people of his house, and he shall be asked concerning his flock; and a woman is a shepherd of the house of her husband and over their children, and she shall be asked concerning them.” (Bukhari and Muslim)
Indeed the mother’s role may be even greater: while the children are young they are very close to her and dependent upon her, and they spend more time with her than with anyone else. There is an Arab saying: “The mother is the first school”. She may be a good school, an indifferent or even a bad school. She may even be unaware that she is serving as a role model in her behaviour, and her attitudes. Every mother should be conscious of her role and do her best to make it beneficial for the development of her children as they set out on the journey of life.
Parental care and guidance are fundamental to child upbringing. Some parents nowadays become so pre-occupied with their jobs or with making money or with their social lives that children are often neglected. They may be ignored or left for hours with the television or computer or they may be sent to day care centres at a very early age to be cared for in groups by other people.
The parents’ right to respect from their children is dependent upon the children’s right to loving care and guidance of their parents.
It is related that a man once came to ‘Umar ibn Al-Khattab, the second Khalifah of Islam, complaining of his sons’ disobedience to him. ‘Umar summoned the boy and spoke of his disobedience to his father and his neglect of his rights. The boy replied:
“O Amir al-Mu’minin! Hasn’t a child rights over his father?”
“Certainly”, replied ‘Umar.
“What are they, Amir al-Mu’minin?”
“That he should choose his mother, give him a good name and teach him the Book (the Qur’an).”
“O Amir al-Mu’minin! My father did nothing of this. My mother was a Magian (fire worshipper). He gave me the name of Julalaan (meaning dung beetle or scarab) and he did not teach me a single letter of the Qur’an.”
Turning to the father, ‘Umar said:
“You have come to me to complain about the disobedience of your son. You have failed in your duty to him before he has failed in his duty to you; you have done wrong to him before he has wronged you.”
~ 6.3. Tarbiyyah in Islam ~
Allah says in the Qur’an:
“This day have I perfected your religion for you,
and have bestowed upon you the full measure of My blessings and willed that self-surrender unto Me (Islam) shall be your religion.”
(Al-Qur’an, al-Ma’idah, 5:4)
Tarbiyyah is the process by which children are nurtured as they grow up to develop the Islamic worldview and the Islamic virtues that are a part of that voluntary self-surrender to Allah.
“Tarbiyyah means to look after, to nurture, to nourish, to help grow and flourish. Tarbiyyah (from the Arabic root word, which means to own, look after and cherish) implies certain sensitivity towards the child under your care, his emotional and physical needs and capacities. It implies the ability to inspire confidence. It implies the courage to allow and promote creativity and innovation. It implies the ability to trust and not to stifle, to be firm when needed and even to impose sanctions when necessary.”
The starting point for Tarbiyyah is the example of parents. Small children take their parents as models. If parents are lazy and careless, the children will also take laziness and carelessness as normal. If they tell lies, children will regard lying as normal and acceptable. The same applies to smoking, drinking, rude manners, swearing and all other bad habits. There is no way parents can motivate their children to practise the Islamic virtues if they themselves do not respect the values and try to practise them also. As children grow up, they will only perceive the inconsistency or even hypocrisy in their parents’ approach.
It is important not to crush a child’s spirit and joy about life by terrorising him/her, whether physically or psychologically. Children must play. It is the way they learn, and is not in itself something bad. Parents should give the child opportunities to play and to experience the excitement of exploration, of learning and of growing up. There is an English proverb: “All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.” It does not mean “don’t work” - on the contrary, work hard, but allow also for play for the development of a joyous and balanced personality.
At the same time, parents should teach children Islamic manners and etiquette (adab) in accordance with the beautiful example of the Prophet (sollallahu 'alayhi wa sallam) who said:
“Be generous, kind and noble to your children and make their habits beautiful.”
Such habits include truthfulness and honesty, gentleness, politeness, consideration for others, helpfulness, cleanliness and tidiness.
They also include:
*time management and doing things at the right time,
*physical exercise for fitness,
*mental exercise and developing an appetite for knowledge, understanding and skills,
*learning to read and recite the Qur’an from an early age when the child’s brain finds it easy,
*development of regular performance of salaah between the ages of 7 and 10,
*taking on responsibilities in the family, and
*taking on responsibilities in the wider community as children grow up.
Above all, correct Tarbiyyah should ensure that children develop a love for Islam, a love of God and His Prophet, and that they develop a feeling of pride in being Muslim and willingness to strive for the good of others. They need to realise the benefits of Islam, the foundations on which it is based and their need for Islam. They need to value Islam and live by Islamic values.
It is the responsibility of the parents to experiment with various ways of achieving those goals.
~ 6.4 Islamic Education and Muslim Schools ~
If parents are to get the best results for their children in Muslim schools, they must know what the Muslim school is trying to do. This has been outlined in chapter two (Islamic Education and Muslim Schools) of this book. Parents need to understand that while the school basically may be following a National Curriculum (which in some countries may be compulsory), the teaching approach is expected to be holistic. Therefore it is not just a matter of teaching Islamic Studies, Qur’an and Arabic under the same roof as Arts and Sciences, but of developing an integrated Islamic perspective on all forms of knowledge right across the curriculum. At the same time, the school is trying to cultivate good attitudes, behaviour and manners in accordance with the teachings of Islam.
Aisha is reported to have said of the Prophet (sollallahu 'alayhi wa sallam) that: “His behaviour was the Qur’an (in practice)”. To take the Prophet as a “beautiful example” (Al-Qur’an: al-Ahzab 33:21) means not just to imitate his outward actions or practices but also to base our own motivation and actions on the Qur’an as he did, in a way that is appropriate to the place and time in which we happen to live.
The approach of a modern Muslim School, which may be located in a modern “secular” or western type of environment, cannot be like that of Islamic education of the recent past, when teaching relied much on repetition and memorization and uncritical acceptance of the teachers’ word. The Islamic teaching must relate with the society in which the pupils live, with the state of modern knowledge and with the beliefs of other people (probably the majority) in the country where the school is located. If Muslim children are to grow up as witnesses to the truth in a non-Muslim society, they need to understand that society and to develop an objective and critical approach, so that they can appreciate whatever is good in it, avoid its evils and reach out to the non-Muslims, presenting the truths of Islam in a way they can understand Islam and relate to it.
http://www.iberr.co.za/parents1.htm