Is it Haraam to fall in love with a women.

[Rock]

Bismillah


Assalamu alykom


Brother waheedrafiq,you ask"is it haraam to fall in love with a girl before marriage?".


I think it depends about your understanding to the meaning of love,if you mean this natural feeling (in the heart)of admiration and attraction towards certain woman,I think this is not haraam,I think that because Allah mentioned that feeling in the Quran and did`nt deny it,only Allah guided us what we should do if this feeling come in unsuitable time or towards unsuitable person.


Refer to Ayah 2/221


"And do not marry the idolaters women until they believe, and certainly a believing maid is better than an idolatress woman, even though she should please you......."


In this Ayah Allah ordered us to neglect this feeling if it is come towards the idolaters,we must directed our feeling towards the believing women.


Refer to Ayah 2/235


"And there is no blame on you respecting that which you speak indirectly in the asking of (such) women in marriage or keep (the proposal) concealed within your minds; Allah


knows that you win mention them, but do not give them a promise in secret unless you speak in a lawful manner, and do not confirm the marriage tie until the writing is fulfilled, and know that Allah knows what is in your minds, therefore beware of Him, and know that Allah is Forgiving, Forbearing"


In this Ayah Allah permit us to inform the woman we want to marry in a lawful manner(this manner included flattering her in polite words)if our feeling come withen the few monthes


after her husband death in which she is not admitted to marry.


So I think that love as a feeling is not forbidden,but we have no rights due to this feeling,not only the rights of touching her but we should give her all rights(talking in public,talking politely,lower our seen,no touching,no informing her with our feeling....)


If we want to know more about her,this should be done withen the permissibl actions.


If we want to know her feeling before asking her father the marriage we can do this only for once followed by immediatly engagement.

[Muslimah]

Bismillah


as salam alykom


welcome back Rock long time no see.


I would like just to clarify a few points here, lest a reader may get confused.


The fisrt Ayah u quoted regarding Allah's Command to marry a Muslim slave rather than a non believer, the word Allah used in Arabic was not even if u loved (ahbabtuh) but rather Allah Say A`jabakum which if u liked them.


The second Ayah u quoted does not in any way related to this kind of love, but in this Ayah Allah Is stating the difference of e`dat (waiting period) between a woman who was divorced and that who became a widow. As for the formers the rules are more strict, since she is somehow or the other is still a wife, no one is allowed even to indicate indirectly a wish of marriage, whereas the latter the rules are a bit more relaxed in this regard. Allah Commanded that you will not be in fault due to what u did of expressing indirectly a wish to marry so and so. This is a permission for men to be able to go to the wali and say for example pls do inform me when the waiting period of so and so is over.


However, in both cases, I dont think u meant in any way, that for example one who likes another person is allowed to go out even for coffee in a public place. Actually, the problem is that the moment both parties starting to like each other in a man woman manner, shaytan can very easily intercept. i mean even if they chat on msn, the chat can develop into different stages easily.


I dont think that Rock was quoting the Ayahs to support this, but as he/she said:


So I think that love as a feeling is not forbidden,but we have no rights due to this feeling,not only the rights of touching her but we should give her all rights(talking in public,talking politely,lower our seen,no touching,no informing her with our feeling....)


Just to be even more specific, when love was mentioned in Quran, and here i mean when Allah Used the Arabic word for love which is hub, it was used to express how the wife of Azeez of Egypt became infatuated with yusuf, just ponder on how she handled her feelings and where did her feelings took her.


"And women in the city said: "The wife of Al-'Azeez is seeking to seduce her (slave) young man, indeed she loves him violently
; verily we see her in plain error" (Quran 12:30)


This is when the line of danger is on, this is when the red light comes on, this is where we muslims must not come near. It is this kind of love when either party says O I cannt live without him/her. We can live without anything except Allah.


We are not saying we just marry without the basic liking, on the contrary, the Messenger salla Allah a`lyhee wa sallam encourages men to marry those whom they like their looks which will be the only way to fulfill their desires and help them to lower their gazes. Same rule applies for women, it is totally forbidden to force a woman to marry someone she does not like. But I stress the liking as Rock said must not developed into further stages.

[Suhail]

Assalamualaikum


I feel i must reply to brother waheeds situation


ok so u like a girl...fair enough u start seeing the girl , you start going out etc at this stage she has become your girlfriend , now obviously islamically this is wrong but in the west most muslims unfortunetelly have gf , i hve one to.......now must assume u 2 start going out more and more and u fall it love ........now at this stage i would recommend getting married as soon as possible ....now if she is a muslim that is good as u can go to the parents and sort marriage out etc...if she isnt then well its going to be a long struggle .


So to clarify then if u have a muslim girlfriend (unlawful) and u love her then get married to her as soon as possible ....to save urself from ne further sins


And if u plan to get married in a couple of years time then going out with her in the mean time islamically will be unlawful again.


So my advise to u..... 1. Not haraam to love some one as long as you express it islamically


2. Having a girlfriend is haraam even if u love her and she is a muslim


3. Forced marriages "MY OPINION" if u dont like her divorce her until u find sum 1 u do like .<i>please note this last point is strictly my opinion and it is not an opinion based on ne thing islamic , and Islam Message and ne of its members cannot be held responsible for ne persons acting on this unislamic opinion of one of its members</i>


Thank You

[Rock]

Bismillah


Assalamu alykom


Sister Muslimah


Thank for your welcome,I think you understand what I mean correctly so thank you again for clarifying this to the others but I have some notes.


Love for me is keeping a good feelings towards the others and I think there is many degree of loves so I consider admiration is the first degree of love and that is why I mentioned the first Ayah to show that Allah did`nt deny love .


For the second Ayah,the permission is given to the man to express to the woman,not to her wali


( you may refer to Ibn Katheer interpretation for example)but to be honest I think that because


the woman in this case need no wali in the secone marriage.


You said"However, in both cases, I dont think u meant in any way, that for example one who likes another person is allowed to go out even for coffee in a public place. Actually, the problem is that the moment both parties starting to like each other in a man woman manner, shaytan can very easily intercept. i mean even if they chat on msn, the chat can develop into different stages easily"


Of course I did`nt mean that and actually I did`nt consider this "love",If we like any one we like his benefits,going wrong is not a benefit at all.

[arclight]

The difference is 'love' and 'lust', which it has to be said can be difficult to differentiate. Certainly when you're younger, because you aren't thinking with your brain.

[waheedrafiq]

:bismillah: :allahuakbar:


Thank you for replying back, my main reason in asking this question was just recently a female sister got murder by her brothers because she felt in love with a Muslim brother, parent did not approve it so she was taken to Pakistan and force to married a another Muslim brother who just wanted to come to UK for better life style.


sister patient is a great gift that Allah has given us , the one in my view master this art of patient in this world has then achieve a great goal and with Allah blessing has earn points towards his Janna .


this is what most of us lack of if we were patient and learn to be one then this world would have see less of what we are seeing already


as for your spouse well sister its a moral question , I would not want to live a life that I really did not enjoy Allah has made this world beautiful place in all shape and form and has given us a gift to make sensible decision. This is why I think Allah allow us to Marriage


up to 4 wife’s which now brings another complex question if man can married up to 4 wife does a women have the same choice.


again I like the quote from the Quran please sister.

[waheedrafiq]

:bismillah: :allahuakbar:


Thank you for replying back, my main reason in asking this question was just recently a female sister got murder by her brothers because she felt in love with a Muslim brother, parent did not approve it so she was taken to Pakistan and force to married a another Muslim brother who just wanted to come to UK for better life style.


sister patient is a great gift that Allah has given us , the one in my view master this art of patient in this world has then achieve a great goal and with Allah blessing has earn points towards his Janna .


this is what most of us lack of if we were patient and learn to be one then this world would have see less of what we are seeing already


as for your spouse well sister its a moral question , I would not want to live a life that I really did not enjoy Allah has made this world beautiful place in all shape and form and has given us a gift to make sensible decision. This is why I think Allah allow us to Marriage


up to 4 wife’s which now brings another complex question if man can married up to 4 wife does a women have the same choice.


again I like the quote from the Quran please sister.

[Muslimah]

Bismillah


as salam alykom waheed


Ah well, now I understand, u r actually talking about a particular situation. First off a woman is not supposed to be married against her will or else the marriage is invalid. i mean for a marriage contract to be valid, there must be a mahr, wali, and the woman's approval. Thus, this Pakistani girl if she is not accepting the marriage, and Allah Knows best, her marriage is not valid. I know many parents may fall into this problem of forcing their children either male or female to marry someone in particular and reject the marriage of another based on many reason other than religious.


In such cases, she may resort to an older member of the family who is respected and well listened to, or a religious scholar who may talk to her parents that what they are doing is haram.


And may Allah Guide Muslims in order to pursue and follow what Allah Commands not themselves.

[Muslimah]

Bismillah


Assalamu alykom


Sister Muslimah


Thank for your welcome,I think you understand what I mean correctly so thank you again for clarifying this to the others but I have some notes.


Love for me is keeping a good feelings towards the others and I think there is many degree of loves so I consider admiration is the first degree of love and that is why I mentioned the first Ayah to show that Allah did`nt deny love .


For the second Ayah,the permission is given to the man to express to the woman,not to her wali


( you may refer to Ibn Katheer interpretation for example)but to be honest I think that because


the woman in this case need no wali in the secone marriage.


You said"However, in both cases, I dont think u meant in any way, that for example one who likes another person is allowed to go out even for coffee in a public place. Actually, the problem is that the moment both parties starting to like each other in a man woman manner, shaytan can very easily intercept. i mean even if they chat on msn, the chat can develop into different stages easily"


Of course I did`nt mean that and actually I did`nt consider this "love",If we like any one we like his benefits,going wrong is not a benefit at all.

as salam alykom


Jazakum Allah khairan Rock for this further explanation, I think that Alhamdulelah the number of posts here did cover the issue from different angles. specially that u stressed the rules which Suhail was capable of putting in a very simple style.


Regarding the Wali part, I will check it, although I did remember that in cases of a widow, the man may only express his wish indirectly to her family members not her directly, remember she is in Edat.


Insh aAllah will check it out jazakum Allah khairan

[Muslimah]

Bismillah


as salam alykom


I found this hadeeth which is excellent in explaining what Rock meant and what I was concerned that others may not undersand properly.


Book 11, Number 2077:


Narrated Jabir ibn Abdullah:


The Prophet (peace_be_upon_him) said: When one of you asked a woman in marriage, <b>if he is able to look at what will induce him to marry her, he should do so. </b> He (Jabir) said: I asked a girl in marriage, I used to look at her secretly, until I looked at what induced me to marry her. I, therefore, married her.


Pls note that the intention is only marriage not to enjoy looking at the woman.