05-23-2003, 12:57 PM
Bismellah Arrahman Arraheem
Praise be to Allah, a praise which is adequate to Your multiple bounties, Praise be to Allah abundant and special gratitude, we send prayer and peace on the best Messenger to the worlds our Prophet Mohamed, his family members, companions and whoever followed them until the day after. “They said: Glory to thee: of knowledge We have none, save what it is thou who art perfect in knowledge and wisdom.” We invoke upon Allah to teach us what may be of benefit to us and allow us benefit of what He taught us. I sincerely supplicate to Allah to inspire me with the correct information in this subject and credit first and last is to Him only. I also seek His forgiveness and to Him I apologize in case I made any mistake. My excuse is that I am just striving to learn and help others learn. May He grant us correct knowledge.
I have a word to say here. Although I am a female who lives in one of those Muslim countries greatly affected by Western culture, Egypt. To further explain this, a man who decides to practice polygyny does so in total confidentiality. In other words, mostly does not declare the marriage. Only until a decade ago that a code was enforced making it mandatory for the husband to notify the first wife of his second marriage. To bring it more to your minds, the society does not easily accept a man’s second marriage. Unlike in other Arab countries such as those in the Gulf area where men even hold a wedding party for the second marriage. Majority of women in Egypt, even if she is in a status that makes her in need to marry does not entertain a proposal from a married man. The unacceptability of the situation is so inherit in the societal texture that those who practice it encounter major difficulties. I know this introduction was long but important.
Growing up in such environment along with the feeling of a woman made me always need to look more into polygyny. However, Alhamdulelah since a very young age I always argued that this is Sharia`a Allah and we can not reject it. We don’t have to carry on searching for excuses or verifications to prove Sharia`a Allah is correct. It certainly is correct. Nothing in the book of Quran could be in any form harmful to mankind. Harm comes from us when we fail to understand the wisdom of Allah behind any legislation. Failure to understand makes us victim of a struggle to accept. Now the two mentioned articles conclude to totally opposite outputs. Shariffa says polygyny is the basis and one wife is the exception while the other concludes that Islam calls for taking only one wife. We might say that, and please take note I am in no position of a scholar. I am just a Muslim woman trying to discuss a point. The article that says one is based on the Ayah at the end of Surat Nissa “- Ye are never able to be fair and just as between women, even if it is your ardent desire: but turn not away (from a woman) altogether, so as to leave her (as it were) hanging (in the air). if ye come to a friendly understanding, and practice self restraint, God is oft forgiving, most merciful.” (An nissa Quran 4: 125) in completion to “If ye fear that ye shall not be able to deal justly with the orphans, marry women of your choice, two, or three, or four; but if ye fear that ye shall not be able to deal justly (with them). then only one, or (a captive) that your right hands possess. that will be more suitable, to prevent you from doing injustice.” (Quran 4: 3). These two Ayahs form grounds and rules of polygyny. To me it can never be that Allah allows an issue at the beginning of the Surat then negates it at the end. I think to the best of my understanding He explained in detail that it is permissible for the man to do so. It is not obligatory though. However, He as usual brings forth all aspects of the issue and warns against potential problems of an act which is not being equally just between women. And further clarified that it is likely to happen stressing that unless a man is confident to be able to be just then he still have the choice of keeping only one wife. Now let us move to another point in this regard. What actually makes this system hard to apply in Muslim countries mainly? Sobhan Allah only when I started being exposed through the Internet to other Western societies including our brothers and sisters who revert that I seriously realized the importance of this system. Women who revert in such communities are usually left with nothing and nobody. Meaning they divorce, detach from family members, find difficulty to work. Unlike us in Muslim countries. When a woman becomes single for any reason or even never marries, she is usually supported by the family members and lives among them. Alhamdulelah our countries still accept to a certain degree employment of Muhjabats. Now only the three people involved in polygyny can make it work. First the man must strictly observe the hadeeth mentioned by brother Anas003, the first wife should never feel underestimated or devalued on the contrary I heard some men say if the presence and effect of the first wife was strong this will encourage for a second marriage. In other words being so happy with a woman shall give a positive impression about women in general. So she must never feel that he took the second one to fill a gap due to her. Or that his love to her became less. In return if she removes the guilt feeling off his shoulder, he shall come back home still longing to see her rather than just doing homework . Over and above, when the first wife realizes that marriage is part of Allah’s sustenance, she will know that it was only by virtue of Allah’s Qadar for the second to join. Since she was destined to be provided by the man. Sobhan Allah. Specially when there will be children. The second wife was supposed to bear the man’s children. It was recorded already. While the second wife must realize as well that it is never associated to being better, more beautiful or smarter that the man took her. If she behaves like this and starts to be filled with egoism, she may face a similar situation so that Allah let her taste the same. At the end actually it is the hardest trial a man may face. And if he chooses so, he must realize this and act accordingly. I think this is enough for now may be I can come back with more later Insh a Allah.
Alhamdulelah Rubel a`alameen wa salatu wa salam a`ala ashraf ulmorsaleen