06-16-2004, 06:18 AM
How to Go About Getting Married in Islam
According to most scholars of Islam, no unmarried woman can draw up her own contract under Islam, whether she is a virgin or not, never married, or divorced / widowed. The resulting marriage would not Islamically valid without a wali, or guardian for the woman. The exception to this opinion is scholars of the Hanafi school of law, where the presence of a wali is not strictly necessary for contracting every valid marriage. Don't get married without consulting a knowledgeable Imam or scholar
The guardianship is a fact of life, and the key isn't to view it as some burden on your path to wedded bliss, but as a protection and resource for you to take advantage of.
The guardian must be male, legally responsible, Muslim, upright in character, and of sound judgment. The guardian may not be a woman, a child, an insane person, a non-Muslim, or a corrupt person. Also invalid is the one whose judgment has been affected by old age or disease, or someone who suffers from a severe illness or physical ailment that would keep him from being fully responsible for the woman.
As converts, your parents are [most likely] not Muslim, and this probably goes for your brothers and uncles as well. Thus, the guardianship falls upon the local Islamic authority, in this case, the local Imam or Alim. He may either act as the wali himself or appoint a knowledgeable and upstanding person within the community to discharge the duty.
I can't stress the importance of the fact that you should be actively involved in choosing your wali. Don't let an imam you barely know appoint a man you don't know to be in charge of your future. Get to know the wives in the community, as they can often tell you who would make a responsible wali. When you do have a wali, make sure that you get to know him and his wife. Make sure that they know all of your requirements for a spouse, as well as your likes and dislikes, your personality and taste. Choose someone whom you feel will be concerned for your wellbeing -- there are too many tales of walis marrying women off to their buddies, or the first person who asks, without regards to either person's status, diyn (religious life), or personality.
As an independent American or Canadian woman, who is used to being able to make her own choices, go wherever she pleases, talk with whom she wishes, the issue of guardianship may be a hard one to come to terms with initially. But the fact of the matter is that not only will your marriage be Islamically invalid without a guardian, it is also an advantage for you to have one who is "on your side." The wali is the person that all brothers interested in marrying you MUST contact. This means you don't have to worry about awkward situations, and "letting him down easy," the wali does it for you. You certainly know by now that you simply do not have access to the social world of Muslim brothers... but your wali does. He is the one who knows how a brother seeking your hand relates to other men, how he is viewed by other men in his religious, social, and financial dealings. He is able to "get to know" any man interested in you, and compare your personalities and preferences.
It is also important, when considering marriage to a foreign born man, to have a wali. I have heard too many stories of new shahadas unknowingly duped into fraudulent marriages by brothers who have told them they don't need a wali, or that his brother can be her wali, etc. In this day and age when green card marriages are a reality (a very ugly one), having someone "on your side" is terribly important. The wali is required to check the brother out completely, and this includes dealing with people in other countries who would not be so receptive to you calling them up on the phone. He is required to make sure that the brother isn't hiding a wife and children somewhere while he "gets his g.c." The wali may also be a go-between for you and the in-laws. Which brings us to the next topic...