06-16-2004, 06:18 AM
Responsibilities of the Wife
Conjugal Relations:
The first and foremost responsibility of a wife towards her husband is his right to enjoy conjugal relations with his wife. It is obligatory for you to "go to your husband" when he asks you if you are at home, can physically endure it, and have received your mahr. It is absolutely forbidden for a man to have intercourse with his wife during her menses (although other intimacies are allowed), during post-natal bleeding, or during daylight hours in the month of Ramadan. Anal sex is also forbidden, and you are not obligated to participate in this practice. If the husband permits the wife to engage in voluntary fasting throughout the year, then he has waived his right to have sex with her during the daylight hours of the day that she is fasting.
Guarding the Rights of the Husband:
In his absence, you are obligated to protect both your chastity, his children (be they yours or not), his secrets, and his property. It is better not to let people into the house without his knowledge or permission, or to let people into the house whom he dislikes. [For instance, the plumber comes over and he doesn't know about it.] In this day and age, this is also a practical safety measure for yourself.
Management of the Household:
The wife should keep the home, meaning preparing the meals, cleaning and decorating the home, managing the household budget, and taking the primary responsibility of rearing the children. Although it is usually agreed that the wife isn't Islamically obligated to cook or clean, at this point in time most men are simply unable to afford hiring a housekeeper. Doing these things while not being obligated to is certainly a kindness that a wife can hope to receive reward for if she performs it for the sake of Allah.
Obedience to the Husband:
This is often one of the most misunderstood aspects of married life in Islam. Obedience to your husband does not mean that you wait on him hand and foot, or that you curtsey to him and never turn your back to him. He's your husband, not the emperor. In an Islamic marriage, obedience to your husband concerns two matters:
That you comply with him when he desires marital relations which are within the boundaries of the Qur'an and Sunnah (see above).
That you comply with him on Islamic matters if his opinion is not one which is deviant or outright un-Islamic.
One reason that Muslim women can not marry non Muslim men is because of this obedience, and the nature of the husband's responsibility of being in charge his family's Islamic education. In Islam, the man is responsible for seeing to it that the family is adhering to Islam, especially the children. A non Muslim man can not only not take on this massive responsibility, but he is pre-disposed, by the very nature of his being a non-Muslim, to fight against it, whether he consciously admits that or not.
Nushuz, or rebellion, of the wife towards the husband is a very serious thing, and is a cause for divorce, although the man is advised to go through certain steps before seeking a divorce. The most common types of nushuz are the refusal of a wife to go to her husband's bed, apostasy (leaving Islam), and adultery. Nushuz does not mean that you cooked macaroni and cheese when he asked for chicken and broccoli.
Admonition (i.e. encouraging the wife to repent, and to return to Allah ta'ala) is the first step the husband is required to take in dealing with nushuz. Refusing the bed or marital relations [cold shoulder] is the second.