06-16-2004, 06:16 AM
Responsibilities of the Husband
The dowry (mahr):
This is his absolute obligation, and your absolute right under Islamic law. The man MUST offer a dowry of some sort, although you do have the right to waive the mahr. The marriage is not valid without a mahr being stipulated and either waived or agreed upon in the contract. The purpose of the mahr is to safeguard the economic status of the woman in the event that she is divorced or widowed, or the husband loses work. The husband must comply with the wedding contract in the amount of the mahr, whether it is real estate, money, jewels, or something else.
Nowadays, many women specify that they would like a car, computer, or capital to start their own business. The mahr can be paid immediately before the marriage, or deferred until later after the marriage. If the husband later makes it clear that he has no intention of paying the mahr, the marriage is invalidated and the husband is deemed to have commited a great sin. If you divorce before the marriage is consummated, then half the dower is due to you (see Qur'an 2:237), and you have the right to remit that also. Once the marriage is consummated, the husband has no right whatsoever to ask for any portion of the mahr.
Too many American sisters waive their rights to a mahr, or accept "tokens" as their dowry. While this is fine for those who are really, truly in love [for instance, those who have known their spouse-to-be for many years], the fact is, the ignorance of many new Muslim women on the subject of mahr has made them unwitting targets of men who are reluctant to fulfill this duty. The dowry isn't a "nicey nice" gesture, it is part of your economic safeguard should your husband die, or divorce you, or lose work. The scholars of Islam have generally said that a year's maintenance is an acceptable dowry. American Muslimas are known for their willingness to accept extremely small dowries ($10) or token dowries (a set of hadith translations, a few nice dresses) which the husband would most likely provide after marriage anyway. [For instance, it is his obligation to provide you with clothing, not his favor.]
Jeffrey Lang, in his book "Struggling to Surrender", mentions:
"Interestingly, I am often asked by young foreign Muslim men if I know any American Muslim women who are interested in getting married. When I advise them that it may be easier to find someone in their home country, I am frequently told that American women ask for much smaller dowries. Personally, I am not comfortable with introducing my friends to men who wish to take advantage of their unfamiliarity with this institution."