http://www.zawaj.com/articles/marriage_new_muslima.html
Marriage and the New Muslim Sister
By Saraji Umm Zaid
Reprinted from ModernMuslima.com and edited slightly by Zawaj.com
It often seems that the first words you hear from other Muslims after you've taken your shahada is, "Are you married?" Many, many new sisters report that they feel frustrated with the intense attention paid to their marital status. Often you will hear things like, "Marriage is half your deen," "It is the Sunnah," "You must help keep the brothers from committing unlawful sexual intercourse," and, "That's what Muslim women do."
Slam on the Breaks! Wait a Minute!
It is true that marriage and family life are important, the building blocks of the Islamic community. However, I think it is unfair for people to expect new sisters to turn around and get married right away. As a new Muslima, you are going to find pressure from your family, friends, and co-workers, and you will find yourself stumbling through a new culture and lifestyle. It is like being a baby, having to learn everything over again, and there will be a lot of frustration.
Although you may be eager to run out and get married right away yourself, I have to ask you to check yourself, and really think deeply about how well you can handle a commitment like marriage, when you've just made your first step in making a commitment to Allah ta'ala. If the brother is on some sort of deviancy, or isn't really practicing, or treats you in a horribly cruel manner, this will only serve to drive you away from Islam before you have had the opportunity to really study it. Staying single within the Muslim community for a little while will also afford you the opportunity to observe married couples, get to know other sisters, and observe the conduct of men within your community. It will also give you time to build up a reputation according to your Islamic practices, and not the fact that you're just the latest news.
Marriage in Islam: An Overview of Rights
As you may know, courtship and marriage are conducted in a radically different manner than you may be used to. No more dating, no more holding hands, no more going out for dinner, or hanging out at each other's house. Obviously, there is no pre-marital intimacy allowed. This doesn't mean that you don't choose your spouse [that's right, you still get to choose...] for reasons other than pleasant companionship, similar interests, and similar mannerisms. What it means is that you get to know each other, often in a short period of time, through chaperoned meetings, phone calls, and letters, rather than just "hanging out."
In Islam, marriage is looked at as a partnership [despite outside opinions to the contrary], and it is the foundation upon which an Islamic society is built. And yes, Islam holds a "traditional" view of the male / female dynamic within that marriage. Each spouse has certain rights over the other, and each spouse has certain responsibilities towards the other.
Responsibilities incumbent upon both spouses include, foremost, that mutual respect and appreciation is present in the most everyday and mundane dealings. Rigid rules of behavior and unrealistic expectations only serve to undermine the position of both spouses. Secondly, each spouse is responsible for their own diyn, or religion. You can't blame your husband's laziness for you not making morning prayers. Likewise, he can't blame your cooking (which is probably superb!) for his going out and eating or drinking haram foods.