Womens status in Islam.

[Dan]

Bismillah

I was just thinking to myself at work the other day about this subject. In one culture if a man does not make eye contact, the woman is offended and believes that he does not respect her. In the other if the man looks the woman in the eye, she is threatened and feels disrespected. What is happening is two cultures judging one another on the basis of their own culture.

I experience this Catch-22 much living in America. On the one hand, I am commanded to lower my gaze. On the other, I know that nonmuslim women view lack of eye contact as disrespectful, like you are not aknowledging their existence. I deal with this by keeping a lowered gaze but giving the occasional glance up so the nonmuslim woman does not feel that I am not paying attention. Most women attribute this behavior to shyness, which I do not think I am but whatever helps them deal with my religious obligations works for me. For muslim women, we are on the same page so my gaze stays lowered. In fact, I go out of my way to make sure that she knows that I am not disrespecting her in any way. I will literally talk to the floor. By doing this though, I am hearing the words and message that she has to say, not looking at what her beauty says to me.

My wife is nonmuslim and when she met one of my friends from the mosque, he kept his gaze lowered. Later, she mentioned this and I told her that not only was he respecting me by not ogling my wife but he was also respecting her by getting to know her as a person with a mind, not a face with a body.

I did not read about this guy and it does not matter because there is no poster person for Islam anymore. If this guy was rude, then he was just a rude muslim. It does not mean Islam promotes rudeness. Not returning greetings from women is not part of Islam to my knowledge. You keep falling into the habit of using muslim people as the definition of Islam. If you define any religion by its followers instead of its ideals, you will come up lacking every time. Why? Because we are people and we make mistakes. It is all part of the journey. If I did not make my mistakes in the past, I would not be who I am now. It does not mean that I want to repeat them but I must allow that they did play a role in shaping who I am today. If I put my hand in the fire, I learn that I get burned. I am glad that I learned that lesson but I certainly do not want to relearn that lesson.

I must also commend you on finally being able to phrase your questions in a manner that promotes dialogue and not arguments. Continue this trend and I will be more than happy to converse with you more.

Alhamdulillah. Astaghfirullah.

Peace.