11-02-2003, 03:18 PM
Bismillah
Upon seeing the Kaaba, I felt like I was in a dream state or a trance. I could no longer tell if what I was experiencing was reality. I thought to myself how if I woke up, I would not be surprised. I felt that if I reached out to touch the scene of the Kaaba with muslims making tawaf, praying, doing thikr, drinking zamzam, it would shimmer away like an image in a crystal clear pool. I also noticed the birds making tawaf. I felt in union with reality and the universe as I made tawaf. My fellow muslims and I were submitting voluntarily to what the rest of creation is more than happy to do... worship Allah. The sky was so clear and deep I almost fell into it as I gazed at the great majestic signs of Allah.
Like a cell in the body, I felt small but serving the role that I was made to do, flowing from one act of worship to the next, weaving between the other flowing submitters. I too felt my heart fill. I sensed the blessings pouring upon me like cool nourishing water. Yet my infinite thirst could not be quenched. I circled as my feet ached, not feeling pain but rather satisfaction that my body was tiring from something truly relevant. Prayed until my concentration was shot. My mind was numb with it all. I eventually just sat back and watched while my party was getting ready to leave.
A place truly blessed by Allah. There is nothing like it and will never be. A thousand times more graces for worship I want to do anyway, for worship that I HAVE to do as commanded by Allah. Yet His Mercy is so endless and fulfilling that He blesses us so much even when we really do not deserve it.
Yes my sister. My heart yearns to return whenever I talk of it. Like a lost loved one. When they are not discussed it is easy to forget how much they truly mean to you. When the time comes to remember though... the emotions come flooding back. The emotions that I feel just remembering being at that consecrated land instills desire again. Desire to go to the land that is all of ours, the muslims. No one can keep us out and no one else can go there. It is ours, by the gift of Allah and His Command. I think it is beautiful that in the hearts of muslims there is one place that we all can call home and all know the power and emotions involved with our home.
Jazakum Allah for helping me remember.
As salam alaikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatu