Wife Punishment

[Muslimah]

Bismillah

Praise be to Allah, The Merciful, The Compassionate, Most Cordial, and blessings and peace be upon our mentor, teacher, leader and final Messenger Mohammmad Bin Abdullah.

May Allah expand my chest, facilitate my affairs, and untie a knot of my tongue so that they may understand my saying,

In order to cover this issue properly, may Allah Assist me much in this endeavor, we need first to introduce a simple relevant definition of Allah.

Allah, as you may know by now, Has multiple Names and Attributes, some of them we know because they are included in Quran, others we do not. Through those Names and Attributes, the whole creation, I reiterate, the whole creation, i.e mankind (regardless of their belief orientation, animals, cosmos, water creatures, mountains, plants..etc, function, and live of course this cover regulating interrelations. When I say interrelations, I m not only speaking about human/human, no, but for example human/animal, human/plant, human /earth, human/ inanimate bodies..etc.

Allah Opens each and every Surah in Quran using His Two Attributes, ArRahman, ArRaheem. The Merciful, The Compassionate. This is not haphazard. Also in many positions in Quran, when the Ayah is warning against Allah’s punishment, it is usually followed by a reminder of Allah’s Gentleness and Forgiveness in other positions Allah Chose to start by reminding us of His Forgiveness, then warn us against His torture.

Such as:

“Declare (O Muhammad) unto My slaves, that truly, I am the Oft-Forgiving, the Most-Merciful.* And that My Torment is indeed the most painful torment.” (Quran 15:49-50).

Translator’s remark: I would use inform or notify rather than declare.

And:

“And there is no sin on you if you make a hint of betrothal or conceal it in yourself, Allah knows that you will remember them, but do not make a promise of contract with them in secret except that you speak an honourable saying according to the Islamic law (e.g. you can say to her, "If one finds a wife like you, he will be happy"). And do not consummate the marriage until the term prescribed is fulfilled. And know that Allah knows what is in your minds, so fear Him. And know that Allah is Oft-Forgiving, Most Forbearing.” (2:235)

And:

“On the Day when every person will be confronted with all the good he has done, and all the evil he has done, he will wish that there were a great distance between him and his evil. And Allah warns you against Himself (His Punishment) and Allah is full of Kindness to the (His) slaves.” (3:30)

I do not want to flood the post with excessive Ayahs, those just examples to many other similar occurrences of how Allah repeatedly explained to us about Himself in order to realise and take heed. In addition, to constantly observe those facts and strictly keep them in mind all the time when we proceed in this life.

Coming to marital relation, how did Allah describe the type of relation that is supposed to prevail between spouses:

Allah Say:

“And among His Signs is this, that He created for you wives from among yourselves, that you may find repose in them, and He has put between you affection and mercy. Verily, in that are indeed signs for a people who reflect.” (30:21)

However, I stood for a long time pondering upon the Arabic word which is translated here as affection. Matter of fact, this word (Mawadah) is derived from Allah’s Attribute Al Wadood, Al Wadood is the exaggerated adjective of Wud. What is Wud?? Is it only affection? No it goes far beyond this. It encompasses meanings of cordiality, friendliness, affection, constant closeness, sustainable communication, care, and deep emotions. I tried my best to convey this important meaning. Having said that, it becomes clear now that the principle ground of any marital relation should be as hereinabove mentioned. The daily interaction between both spouses should be based on Mawadah and mercy. However, everything has exceptions. Let us take for example penal codes in any given country, they are enacted in order to deal with exception cases of the society, as being a murderer is not the norm, neither being a thief….etc. Those exceptional cases need to be curbed, how? Through the penal code and similar instruments.

Back to our topic, when I brought the case of the Messenger blessing and peace be upon him, this was because he is our role model and we are commanded to follow him.

But not all men are the Messenger neither all women are his blessed wives.

If he did never beat a wife or domestic servant, this does not mean that Quran is wrong. Because when I posted the question, I then grew concerned that you might take it this way. But you took it in a different way. I can see where you are heading. But I will still reply, as you know me by now, many might come to this site and read and benefit.

The Messenger blessing and peace be upon him, discouraged men from practicing beating. This means that the ruling is available, but men should use it under very limited conditions. Just as the State enforcing death penalty/capital punishment, only when necessary and after exhausting all means to save the criminal’s life for example.

Other relevant hadith in this regard:

The Messenger blessing and peace be upon him said: “Those who are best among you, do not beat”

The Messenger blessing and peace be upon him said: “One who treats women graciously is gracious, and one who humiliates them is mean”.

According to those hadith, you can clearly see how did the Messenger blessing and peace be upon him encouraged men to treat their wives. In this respect, he was truly a role model, he played with them, helped with domestic chores, entertained them, loved them..etc. And was firm as the situation requires.

But before he asks her to obey and maintain piety, he has to fulfill his obligations towards her starting from giving proper dowry, covering all her necessary expenses, fulfilling her physical needs. By the way, there is an Ayah that actually very eloquently describe how a man should approach his wife and how he must be compassionate and not force himself on her.

Actually, personally I do not agree with the scholar’s interpretation that beating is only restricted on situations when a woman denies her husband his right. Because the adjective Nushooz which is literally being odd, covers those who act against Islamic teachings in terms of marital life. Women has a major role to play in the household. Thus, if the woman, who is concurrently, mother, ignores her duties, proper teachings, she needs to be disciplined. How to discipline is introduced in this Ayah, first state is admonishion, second to desert her in bed because when a man refuses to have the intimate relation with the wife, this is deeply hurting, then if all this does not work, beating comes in order to sort of shake her and wake her up.

However, I reiterate, it should be last resort and if the man practices patience, he will be actually rewarded more.

Then we can sum up as follows:

The ruling is there in order to address potential marital problems.

Man before asking for his rights, should first fulfill his obligations.

Man is always encouraged to kindly and softly treat women.

Women are encouraged to abide by Islamic teachings regarding marital relations.

Women should always observe Allah’s limits and remember that she enters the relation in the name of Allah.

Man should only resort to beating under pressing needs and difficult circumstances.

By the way, if a man beats his wife without reason, she is not going to be at fault (in the Eyes of Allah) if she refused to have sexual intercourse.