04-30-2006, 07:24 PM
Bismillah
waalykom as salam Waheed
First off, you never come up with stupid questions, why are u under such impression?
Actually u touch upon important aspects of life that occupies the mind of all of us.
This same issue came to my mind but in a different way, based on which Alhamdulelah Allah Assisted me to prepare the following reply:
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Praise be to Allah, Rub of the Worlds King of the Kings Owner of the universe, prayer and peace be upon His Messenger Mohamed, his household and companions.
"And among His Signs is this, that He created for you wives from among yourselves, that you may find repose in them, and He has put between you affection and mercy. Verily, in that are indeed signs for a people who reflect." (Quran 30:21)
This Ayah occupied my mind since more than 8 years ago, I kept asking myself, Allah's promise is so clear and direct. Allah Say, and Truthful Is the Saying of Allah, He has put between you affection and mercy. I kept wondering to myself why do I see many marriages certainly lacking this important factor. Actually this is a basic aspect in any marriage. To be blessed with affection and mercy between the spouses.
Only sometime ago, I thought that if the marriage was established based on what only Pleases Allah, then the promise of Allah shall be fulfilled.
Let me try and explain this in simple language. When one wants to meet day to day needs, including education, food, clothing, medical expenses, housing …etc. One has two options. Either work for it through legitimate means as Allah Commanded us to or steel, accept bribery, and a long list of illegitimate behaviour.
Do you expect the outcome of such illegitimate behaviour to be blessed from Allah, to in turn bring about more blessed fruit? Of course not, usually you see the relations in such families not stable, the person in trouble with the sin is always suffering a discomfort feeling, heavy chest, uneasy surrounding. Children are not blessed, not maintaining a kind attitude towards the parents as they are supposed to be. Like wise, even committed Muslims these days do fall into the trap of shaytan who decorates the idea of being in love before marriage. Making it almost necessary. When you talk to a committed girl who observes the Islamic dress code, she would tell you of course I want to marry a devout man, but I need to know him first, make sure we are compatible, make sure we think alike, take a grasp on his personality. She continues, do you expect me to marry someone I don’t know at all? They tend to forget that people go into relations for years, they even go to bed together and then marry and fail. Unless we go for the love that Allah Puts after marriage it cann't work. Actually, what happens is that Shyatan does put this firing feeling between the man and woman, blows it high enough to make it occupy their minds and hearts, they both turn to be center of attention of each other. The girl starts sitting on the couch eating pop corn with her friends and trying to analyze whether or not he is serious, O he texted me today, no he didn’t wake me up today. And here is him talking to his friend O she is devout she wakes me up for fajr, you think she really likes me, you think it is time to propose to her, or should I hold on more. But this does not exclude the possibility of them exchanging words like I missed you, I love you and so forth. This type of communication is certainly not accepted to Allah. Through this, they go for marriage. But of course with the love which was not instilled by Allah but rather by shaytan. In such case, Allah Leaves the couple in order to try and attain these feelings. Just exactly when you turn to other than Allah to handle any of your affairs.
What actually happens is that either parties feel a need to have been able to attract the other gender. This does not stand as legitimate base for marriage in Islam. Yes we must be attracted to each other, yes we must have a basic liking for each other, yes parents must take girls opinion whether or not she accepts the male as partner so is the male is encouraged to look for whatever may attract him in the woman so that she would be sufficient for him to lower the gaze so is the woman. But to turn this into a goal of how to attract, how to keep the person, how to strive to turn the relation into something serious. This would be wasting time and effort in what does not please Allah. No matter how long the couple get to know each other, marriage is totally different as a relation. Love and mercy comes only from Allah to the married couple not the unmarried who are involved in a relation. I was discussing this wiht a number of young girls right now, they said but Allah also is the One Who brings hearts together. Yes of course, but the basic liking before marriage is more than enough to go for it, no need to extend it into more time to analyze the character, using your own analytical abilities or in depth judgment. Once you felt the need to do this rather than seeking Allah's Help to put the mercy and affection, this is when the danger starts.
And I assure you brothers and sisters shaytan is so clever to the extend that he can easily affect the most pious people. So just close the door, go for marriage, don’t fear lack of understanding because Allah Promised to put this between the married couple who approach this the way Allah Pleases.
Alhamdulelah Rubel a`lameen and prayer and peace be upon His Messenger