Bismillah
Salam Anya
I also wish you the best. And if you wish to stay here, you are welcome.
Just want to add, since you mentioned being in contact with some of us by pm on the board, that I don't want to leave the impression, unspoken for, that I may have doubts about my faith. Since I am one of them you mention. And that is what your words can be interpreted like.
Alhamdulillah I feel secure and safe in my faith, and feel guided by Allah Subhanahu Wa Ta'ala.
I have for about half a year now been a 'member' of an Swedish anti-Islamic website, I think there is only one of a kind there and have been confronted with a lot of rubbish about Islam and it's teachings and it's Prophet saws and what have been quoted from different anti websites on the net. Of course also about me as a person. I feel MY faith has been tested well enough and even more, during this time. Alhamdulillah. But I felt it was time to stop, to go on, that I have done my 'part', since the words of Allah Subhanahu Wa Ta'ala came to my mind and alhamdulillah a sister did push me to the decision, reminded me of them, may Allah Subhanahu Wa Ta'ala reward her greatly.
‘’Already has He sent you Word in the Book, that when ye hear the signs of Allah held in defiance and ridicule, ye are not to sit with them unless they turn to a different theme: if ye did, ye would be like them. For Allah will collect the hypocrites and those who defy faith - all in Hell’’
4:140
So I never, so far, alhamdulillah doubted of my faith. For a reasoning person it is natural to PONDER about different things, when they ar surfaced. That is also what Allah Subhanahu Wa Ta'ala often tells us in the Qur'an - to ponder, to think. That is very essential to do that, one cannot 'just believe' or take things for granted, without pondering/understanding them. Or even worse, one cannot shut the ears and eyes when seeing or hearing something that does not make sense, one has the obligation to look into it. Faith and knowledge comes from search and curiosity, based on genuine will.
Salam