Bismillah
Quote:So, what you're saying radiyah, is that there are only 2 possibilities when it comes to marriage:
1) Let the man legally marry more than 1 wife
OR
2) He'll marry 1 wife and then have women on the side (i.e. affairs)?
Radiyah, your question is based on propaganda. Every man is not engaged in adulteress affairs. And no, I DO NOT BEAR my husband having "chicks" on the side.
First , Ronni sorry for not answering earlier becasue I was very busy and rarely used the net. [img]style_emoticons/default/rolleyes.gif[/img]
Second I am not propagating anything, I am just simply saying that there are some men who are not satesfied with one, and I did not mean that all men are neccesarily, the same and my answer was based upon your statement. I might have been " brutally honest about the way she puts it" as sister Muslimah said, but it is the fact and it is also a fact that it is happening in our arab and islamic world. Where a woman will be too proud to accept that her husband will share another wife with her, and she threatens that she will ask for a divorce, but if she knows that he has a girlfriend, it will be okay with her as long as he did not marry her, and this is more open and accepted in the western world than in the arab and islamic world . So what will happen the man(if he is pious and afraid to commit zinna) will marry another woman secretly without the first wife knowing but the second knows, and she accepts that the man will not stay at night with him so the other wife will not doubt him,( and I know many cases like that, and the truth will not be discovered until the man dies and then the second will ask for her inheretance and the right of her children(if she has any), or he will have a girlfriend if he is not relegious, and I know also many cases like that, and they overcome those who are married secretly because many muslims are not very relegious nowadays, but Alhamdulilah, everybody is starting to return to their piety between muslims and they are returning to their relegion . Also I am sorry to say , that one man killed his girlfriend, because she was boared from that way of life and she wanted to have a right and respectful married life, and she threatned to tell his wife, so what will he do, will he let her ruin his life, inspite him of being from an hounorable family and he was a very respectful man, what will he do, he simply killed her, and threw her body in the sea. But Allah The All-Knower, would not let a murderer get away with his murder unless He Wills, and his murder was discovered. I am really sorry to say that, and I am sorry if I made anyone feel disgusted here, but these are facts and true stories that happened, and there are thousands stories like that, weathere in western or eastern society . But I am not saying that all men are like that, some are satesfied with one, and that is excellent, and I am happy for u Ronni that your husband loves you and that he is a good husband, that is wonderful [img]style_emoticons/default/smile.gif[/img], but what we are trying to say and all of my brothers and sisters said, that Allah(SWT) made it perrmissable mostly for hounarable causes, like our beloved prophet did. But if a man is not satesfied with one, it is allowed for him, better than to have a girlfriend and make zinna.
Quote:And you didn't answer my question: Would you like to be in such a plural marriage yourself? And don't give me this, "I'd prefer that over him having mistresses". NOT ALL MEN DO THAT! Therefore, you need to tell me, if you had the choice, would you choose to be his ONLY WIFE or share him with other women? Which is it?
Look Ronni, no woman would like that her husband marry another woman, but if he chooses it , it is not the end of the world for me, I will be sad for a week or so, then I will accept it, and yes I'd prefer that over him having a mistress, that is my answer always, nothing or no1 will make me change it, I will accept it when I know and I am sure that he is taking an hounorable pious woman, so that I will know that I am safe from any diseases, and that the brothers or sisters of my children will be raised with high morals. In one of the gulf countries one very pious woman died of Aids, because her husband got weak once and to his bad luck that once had aids without him knowing, so of course he got it, and it was transferred to her and they both died. Here I am not giving an excuse that he should have married another one because he got weak once, at such situtations he could have rememberd the punishment from Allah. But if that weakness was put in a rightful way, another marriage from a pious woman, then okay, let it be.
And also I would like to tell u, my love for Allah is above all love for any human being even if it was my husband, in my every day life I seek what pleases Allah, and try to be away from what He dislikes, (I am not saying I am perfect or sinless, it is not my right, only ALLAH will judge that), if Allah permitted an issue, then who am I to argue it, He knows better than me. He is The All-Knower, The Wise, I will not attack Allah's rules to please my own ego, I will not say I accept or not, I will not say I will ask for a divorce, because I know that if I am patient, and accept what He ordered me to do, then Allah will be Pleased with me and reward me for my patience in Jannah. This is how true muslims should be, otherwise they are weak muslims( sorry sister intuition. no offense, people differ, and this is how I c it to Please Allah)
And Ronni, u made men seem like dogs if they had more than one wife, again I tell u here it is the same with the one who is married and run after illicit relation ships every day. And I will not add more, I think u know what I mean, because it is prohibited to talk more deeply into these things.
Quote:Radiyah seems to be saying that all men need to have relationships with "10s" of women. If this is true, then I assume it applies to Muslim men as well as non-Muslim men?
Since Muslim men are limited to having only 4 wives, then I assume that they, too, have 10's of girlfriends, since a Muslim man would never be satisfied to have sexual relations with only 4 women at a time?
I did not mean that, and u know I don't, and not all muslim men marry 4 wives, and if they did, they are not allowed to go and run after girlfriends, they will be sinners and they will be punished, and I think this issue was well covered by my sisters and brothers.
Peace
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To my sisters and brothers( A Reminder ):
From Sahih Bukhari:
Volume 9, Book 92, Number 391:
Narrated Abu Huraira:
The Prophet said, "Leave me as I leave you) for the people who were before you were ruined because of their questions and their differences over their prophets. So, if I forbid you to do something, then keep away from it. And if I order you to do something, then do of it as much as you can."
Volume 9, Book 92, Number 392:
Narrated Sa'd bin Abi Waqqas:
The Prophet said, "The most sinful person among the Muslims is the one who asked about something which had not been prohibited, but was prohibited because of his asking."
Bismillah Al-Rahman Al-Raheem:
35. Verily, the Muslims (those who submit to Allâh in Islâm) men and women, the believers men and women (who believe in Islâmic Monotheism), the men and the women who are obedient (to Allâh), the men and women who are truthful (in their speech and deeds), the men and the women who are patient (in performing all the duties which Allâh has ordered and in abstaining from all that Allâh has forbidden), the men and the women who are humble (before their Lord Allâh), the men and the women who give Sadaqât (i.e. Zakât, and alms, etc.), the men and the women who observe Saum (fast) (the obligatory fasting during the month of Ramadân, and the optional Nawâfil fasting), the men and the women who guard their chastity (from illegal sexual acts) and the men and the women who remember Allâh much with their hearts and tongues (while sitting, standing, lying, etc. for more than 300 times extra over the remembrance of Allâh during the five compulsory congregational prayers) or praying extra additional Nawâfil prayers of night in the last part of night, etc.) Allâh has prepared for them forgiveness and a great reward (i.e. Paradise).
36. It is not for a believer, man or woman, when Allâh and His Messenger have decreed a matter that they should have any option in their decision. And whoever disobeys Allâh and His Messenger, he has indeed strayed in a plain error., 33, Surat Al-Ahzab.
We as muslims should answer and explain why Allah(SWT) prohibited something or did not prohibit, and we should not argue about it and say I accept or not, Whatever Allah prohibits is for our own good, and whatsever Allah(SWT) permits is for our own good, He Knows Best, We are here to please and obey Him, and not to please others or ourselves, otherwise we will be asked about it, that we preferred our own nafs and ego against Allah's orders. :
Bismillah Al-Rahman Al-Raheem:
28. And keep yourself (O Muhammad ) patiently with those who call on their Lord (i.e. your companions who remember their Lord with glorification, praising in prayers, etc., and other righteous deeds, etc.) morning and afternoon, seeking His Face, and let not your eyes overlook them, desiring the pomp and glitter of the life of the world; and obey not him whose heart We have made heedless of Our Remembrance, one who follows his own lusts and whose affair (deeds) has been lost.
The underlined here will be thought of by non muslims as sexual lust, which is a wrong explanation here by them, here it means their own ego or wnatings and desires.
Bismillah Al-Rahman Al-Raheem:
29. And say: "The truth is from your Lord." Then whosoever wills, let him believe, and whosoever wills, let him disbelieve. Verily, We have prepared for the Zâlimûn (polytheists and wrong-doers, etc.), a Fire whose walls will be surrounding them (disbelievers in the Oneness of Allâh). And if they ask for help (relief, water, etc.) they will be granted water like boiling oil, that will scald their faces. Terrible the drink, and an evil Murtafaqâ (dwelling, resting place, etc.)! , 18, Surat Al-Kahf.
Those who beleive in Allah, then must beleive in everything He
ordered or prohibited, and not try to turn things into his own desire.
43. Have you (O Muhammad ) seen him who has taken as his ilâh (god) his own desire? Would you then be a Wakîl (a disposer of his affairs or a watcher) over him?
44. Or do you think that most of them hear or understand? They are only like cattle; nay, they are even farther astray from the Path. (i.e. even worst than cattle). 25, Surat Al-Furqan.
Sorry for the long post, sorry if I offended anyone, it was not my intention, but I was trying to clear my point of view fortified with Hadeeths and Ayahs, and Allah knows best. If I am right it is only from Allah, and if I am wrong from my ignorance and shaytan, and may Allah forgive me for any mistake or misunderstanding that I wrote.
And Allah Knows best
Wasalam