02-16-2005, 04:22 PM
Bismillah
Once again, in reality and my understanding, polygamy is not allowed because men cannot control themselves. I agree with ron. This is not the true nature of a MAN. Maybe a male human but not a man. Let us face it. Some men think with their... anyway. On the other hand, I do not take these type of people seriously. It looks just like a lack of respect for themselves and others.
In MY understanding of the permissibility of polygamy, it is times of need. Islam is a more personal religion than most of the other worl religions, so the decision of whether or not the time is right is up to the individual. I am sure that I am opening a whole new can of worms but... Jihad is permissible in Islam but under certain conditions. Also, a person is also allowed to shorten their prayers in time of travel and times of danger and fear. The permission for this is not given and taken away by Allah or a scholar. It is for us to understand for ourselves when it is time to shorten the prayers. "Am I really travelling or is this just some short trip that is not really hindering my normal lifestyle? Am I really scared for my safety or am I just embarrassed to pray around certain people?"
I wish I had the exact hadith but one time the Prophet was out with his companions. He left them but told them not to pray the asr (3rd) prayer until they reached a certain destination. On the way, the prayer time was going to be missed if they did not pray right where they were instead of waiting to get to the destination. Some of the companions prayed immediately. Others waited until they reached their destination but they missed the prayer time. These companions went to the prophet and told him what they had done. He did not admonish either party, showing that both actions were acceptable.
My whole point (I think I am eventually getting there) is that it is up to each individual whether this is the time for polygamy. I think it is not. Just as Intuition stated, she will not be involved in such a relationship and neither would I. I do not see any of my sisters in religion suffering because there are not enough men nor in hardship because of it. Others may disagree, probably disagree.
Allah has told us that men cannot be unfair to their wives if they have more than one. Further more, we are told that this is impossible so it is better that we only marry one. Personally, I know that there is no way that I would be able to make sure that one of my wives would not feel neglected. In fact, I could see how each wife could feel slighted even though the man is trying his best to be fair. What a headache. Just one man and one woman in a marriage is difficult to handle at times. Why would anyone want to stress themselves more or greater than that make themselves even more accountable before Allah. That seems like loading up a bag too full. It would be nice if it did not break, but the likelihood that it will break is greatly increased.
To reiterate, men are not allowed polygamy because they just cannot control themselves. I agree to the ridiculous nature of this claim. I can control myself. The brothers who I know control themselves. I believe that this claim has become a cop out for men. The men who have more than one wife or want more than one wife use this as an excuse in order to take full advantage of what was made permissible under certain conditions by Allah.
This is all just MY understanding. May Allah Forgive me for anything that I have said incorrectly, if I have offended anyone, or if I am just flat out wrong.
Astaghfirullah.