12-06-2004, 12:32 PM
<b>Bismillah
</b>
Marriage in Islam 4/4
Praise be to Allah and prayer and peace be upon his messenger Mohamed.
In this message we will deal with the third objective of marriage from an Islamic perspective.
3. Legitimate satisfaction of the natural human need:
A human being is created to depend on various needs: food, drinking, air and like wise sex. Allah the Creator never Denies His servants their rights for such needs “Then, in their wake, We followed them up with (others of) Our messengers: We sent after them Jesus the son of Mary. And bestowed on him the Gospel; and We ordained in the hearts of those who followed him Compassion and Mercy, but the Monasticism which they invented for themselves, We did not prescribe for them: (We commanded) only the seeking for the Good Pleasure of Allah; but that they did not foster as they should have done. Yet We bestowed, on those among them who believed, their (due) reward, but many of them are rebellious transgressors.” Quran 57:27. He only regulated those needs. In this regulation, a major wisdom is implied. But since through our very modest ability of understanding, we will never realize the full wisdom of Allah, we will only try and grasp what could be derived. The need for food and drinking is regulated through the ritual of fasting. In this we demonstrate to Allah, and only to Him that we fully submit to His command when we cease eating and drinking since dawn till sunset. Not only that sex is regulated as well, since fasting entails to cease sexual practices too. But also sex is completely prohibited outside the framework of the wedlock. To this effect Allah, helped us as human beings to be capable to abide by this rule.
When we introduced the criteria to help men and women choose their partners, it urged both parties to choose the religious one. This does not imply though to discard the physical appeal factor, which is actually very essential to fulfill a man/woman’s desire. On the contrary the Prophet (prayer and peace be upon him) in another hadeeth said: Ibn Abbass narrated that Prophet Mohamed (prayer and peace be upon him) told Omar (may Allah be pleased with him): do you want me to tell you what is best for one to save as a fortune, a righteous woman whom if the man looked at her will be pleased, if he asked her something she will obey and if he went away she will respect his absence” reported by Aby Daoud. On the other hand a man is equally commanded to maintain an attractive appearance for his wife while at home specially. In this Allah makes sure that both partners are satisfied with each other in order to prevent illegitimate sexual practices. An example to this is the hadeeth narrated under the authority of Sohayb Al- Khayr who said that Prophet Mohamed (prayer and peace be upon him) said” the best dye you use for your hair is this black substance which enhances your women’s love to you and reflect a more dignified image to deter your enemy” (reported by Muslim). Women are commanded in Quran to keep an attractive appearance for their husbands as in:” And say to the believing women that they should lower their gaze and guard their modesty; that they should not display their beauty and ornaments except what (must ordinarily) appear thereof; that they should draw their veils over their bosoms and not display their beauty except to their husbands” Quran 24:31 (Al Nur) who have the right to see their wives in the best possible image. This is complemented in a hadeeth saying: “It was narrated under the authority of Gaber that the Prophet (PAPBUH) said” If a man returns back home from a trip in the evening, he should not surprise his wife in order to give a chance for her to pluck the extra hair in her body (since the husband was away) and comb her hair properly” (reported by Bokhary). This project the necessity of the attractive appearance and grooming for both sides as explained. Both partners should work their way in order to make themselves attractive, this help them both to maintain a healthy and satisfactory intimate relation. It is not only the duty of a female to be attractive in a man’s eyes, as the majority perceives. No a woman is also entitled to have a good-looking husband at home. The religious wisdom is very clear in this, it is for both parties to be fully satisfied in order to avoid looking at strangers as a fulfillment to the verse:” Say to the believing men that they should lower their gaze and guard their modesty: that will make for greater purity for them: and Allah is well acquainted with all that they do.” Quran 24: 30 (Al Nur). The intimate relation in Islam gains a major concern and is regulated by several principles, which are set to ensure the best outcome for both partners. Marriage success depends a great deal on the sexual relation that is why Allah assigned major reward for it. Look at this hadeeth “It was reported that Abi Dhar narrated that a number of Prophet Mohamed (SAW) companions said to the Prophet (SAW): Oh Messenger of Allah, affluent people gained all the reward, they pray as we do, fast as we do, give away money to the poor as Sadaqa. Prophet Mohamed said: Did not Allah assign to you what could be considered as Sadaqa: You are rewarded an equal reward of a Sadaqa each time you say Sobhan Allah, Alhamdul Lellah, or Allah u Akbar, enjoin good and forbid evil, also you receive equal reward of a Sadqa upon practicing the marital sexual relation. The companions said: Oh Messenger of Allah does one of us satisfies his lust and receives a reward. The Prophet (SAW) said: if one had satisfied his desire outside the framework of marriage, wouldn’t he bear a sin, equally if he seeks the legitimate means he would be rewarded for it” (Reported by Moslem). The essentiality of this part of the relation is derived from that it achieves the previous objective of having children. Allah also commanded Muslims to maintain major respect for this part of the marital life for it involves the privacy of the couple. This is described in the following verse: “- And how could ye take it when ye have gone in when ye have gone in unto each other, and they have taken from you a solemn Covenant?” Quran 4:21 and further explained in many hadeeth, we will introduce some of them as follows: Abu Sirma al-Khudri (Allah he pleased with him) reported Allah's Messenger (prayer and peace be upon him) as saying: The most important of the trusts in the sight of Allah on the Day of judgment is that a man goes to his wife and she goes to him (and the breach of this trust is) that he should divulge her secret.”.
Abu Huraira (Allah be pleased with him) reported Allah's Messenger (prayer and peace be upon him) as saying: By Him in Whose Hand is my life, when a man calls his wife to his bed, and she does not respond, the One Who is in the heaven is displeased with her until he (her husband) is pleased with her” (reported by Muslim). The hadeeth shows that Allah Would be displeased with a woman who refuses to fulfill her husband’s wish since by her refusal she is indirectly pushing him to commit sins which certainly displeasing Allah. While a woman’s right in the same regard is not ignored, she equally has the same need and therefore her right is equally guaranteed. A woman once went to Prophet Mohamed (prayer and peace be upon him) saying that she does not mean to criticize or complain against her husband but he is a man who fasts all the time and prays all night. The following hadeeth shows how the Prophet (PAPBUH) handled the problem. It was narrated under the authority of Aysha (may Allah be pleased with her) that Prophet Mohamed (PAPBUH) sent for Othman Ibn Madhoun (the woman’s husband) who responded to the message and came before the Prophet (PAPBUH). The Prophet (PAPBUH) asked him Oh Othman are you rejecting my Sunnah? He said no in the name of Allah, I seriously seek your Sunnah. So the Prophet (PAPBUH) commented as saying, I sleep and pray and night, I fast and not fast, and I have sex with women. Fear Allah Othman, your wife has a right over you, your guest has a right over you, and yourself has a right over you. So fast and not fast, pray at night and sleep” (reported by Abi Daoud). This insightful advise shows that the Prophet (PAPBUH) clearly understood the woman’s indirect complaint that her husband does not have a sexual relation with her which of course affects her moral negatively. This shows the significance of this relation for both parties. It demonstrates that both of them are entitled to satisfy their natural human desire as part of their creation. While they are even urged to maintain this part of the marital relation in order to please Allah. Islam is very clear in this specially protecting human rights. Look also at the wisdom carried in the following advice. In order for the human being to remember Allah at all times even during this situation when he/she is enjoying ultimate pleasure, there is a supplication to be said as follows: “Ibn" Abbas (may Allah be pleased with them) reported that Allah's Messenger (PAPBUH) said: If anyone amongst you intends to go to his wife he should say: In the name of Allah, 0 Allah protect us against Satan and keep away the Satan from the one that you have bestowed upon us, and if He has ordained a child for them, Satan will never be able to do any harm to the child.”.
However, we could still say that only pious Muslims (male or female) will be concerned to comply with all of the above mentioned realizing the major importance and respect associated with this relation.
So we could conclude that piety coupled with other factors such as physical appeal as well as social compatibility would hopefully with the support of Allah make a successful marriage.
At the end we know that such a wide ranged subject could not be fully covered, however, it is best to strive and tackle part of it rather than leave it all together.
I supplicate to Allah to accept this deed strictly in His name, grant success and continuity to all marriages and forgive any shortcomings in this research.