<b>Bismillah
</b>
Marriage in Islam 3/4
Praise be to Allah and Prayer and peace be upon His Messenger Mohamed.
2. Maintain human kind through reproduction:
The second objective is reproduction (bringing children) and here where the responsibility towards the family member exists.
When two people unite in the name of Allah, they usually share common thoughts good enough to form necessary grounds to attain the desired goal. They are normally aware of the importance of children as a pivotal aspect of marriage. Naturally they are also consistent around the basic principles of bringing up those children. They should be capable of differentiating between loving their children and working hard to please Allah. Both aspects never contradict each other though, it is the perception of an individual that matters. Again we will emphasis that parents should love their children in the name of Allah. In other words, teach them mannerism, moral and ethics but from an Islamic perspective, in order to please Allah rather than the community. When parents teach their children that it is shameful to do this or that, children may violate the rules in the absence of their parents. But when they teach them that Allah is Present wherever they are, they will grasp the sense of the permanent Devin presence. However this should be coupled with a deep love to Allah, due to which, it will be easy to direct them.
Do not say such concepts are deep and hard to be absorbed by children. No children at young ages are very intelligent and could understand when the point is well and simply explained.
Furthermore, bringing up children requires parents’ efforts in two different directions:
Towards themselves: In Quran the attitude which protects your children is far from the prevailing trends these days, it says: “Let those (disposing of an estate) have the same fear in their minds as they would have for their own if they had left a helpless family behind: let them fear Allah, and speak words of appropriate (comfort)” Quran 4:9. And “Then they proceeded: until, when they came to the inhabitants of a town, they asked them for food, but they refused them hospitality. They found there a wall on the point of falling down, but he set it up straight. (Moses) said: if thou hadst wished, surely thou couldst have exacted some recompense for it” Quran 18:77 and the following verse explains why he (the righteous servant who met Moses as explained in Chapter 18 of the Quran) sat the wall straight” As for the wall, it belonged to two youths, orphans, in the town; there was, beneath it, a buried treasure, to which they were entitled; their father had been a righteous man: so thy Lord desired that they should attain their age of full strength and get out their treasure a mercy (and favour) from thy Lord” Quran 18:82. We could derive out of those three verses what is required from parents if they wish to have their children protected, they should themselves first adopt a pious attitude striving through all possible means to please Allah. He Will certainly protect their children and assist the parents bring them in the correct manner.
Towards their children: How to treat children, what to teach them, how far to provide for them are all major questions need to be answered. Fulfilling all of their requests does not prove loving your children. Allah will ask you in the day after, did you teach them to pray and the importance of prayer, and did you teach them the Quran, not to lie, not to cheat, not to harm others, not to be envious. All this should be introduced to children with the aim to satisfy Allah rather than the community. This will help you attain an important objective when children will learn to tame their ego at a young age in order to avoid reaching the status as described in the Quran” Seest thou such a one as taketh for his god his own passion (or impulse)? Couldst thou be a Disposer of affairs for him * Or thinkest thou that most of them listen or understand? They are only like cattle; nay, they are worse astray in Path.” Quran 25: 43-44 (AL FURQAN ). It will be much easier for them to avoid sinful action and seek Allah’s satisfaction by all means.
Children should learn that” Verily spendthrifts are brothers of the evil ones; and the evil one is to his Lord (himself) ungrateful.” Quran 17:27 which is further explained in “Make not thy hand tied (like a niggard's) to thy neck, nor stretch it forth to its utmost reach, so that thou become blameworthy and destitute” Quran 17:29. The Devin teachings are very clear urging for moderation in terms of spending. This will help parents establish the sense of appreciation into their children hearts. I know this could be hard for parents sometimes to afford something and not bring it just to enforce expenditure control. But when they remember that they are participating in formulating a human being hoping for the best it will be easy. When a child learns in an early age the sense of gratefulness, it will facilitate integration in the community.
As a couple succeeds in establishing this concept, it will be easy to take their children hands towards the deep respect to Allah which is followed in Quran by the command to respect, well treat and fully obey parents as in: “Thy Lord hath decreed that ye worship none but him, and that ye be kind to parents. Whether one or both of them attain old age in thy life, say not to them a word of contempt, nor repel them, but address them in terms of honour.” Quran 17:23 (AL ISRA'). Parents full respect is essential in Islam, through the fulfillment of Allah’s command children will gain tremendous benefit, which will reflect on their lives on a later stage. But it is best to be institutionalized on an early stage. Prophet Mohamed clearly explained this in a hadeeth “It is narrated on the authority of 'Abdullah bin Mas'ud, may Allah be pleased with him, who observed:
I asked Allah's Messenger (may prayer and peace be upon him) which deed was the best. He (the Holy Prophet) replied: The Prayer at its appointed hour. I (again) asked: Then what؟ He (the Holy Prophet) replied: Kindness to the parents. I (again) asked: Then what؟ He replied: Earnest struggle (Jihad) in the cause of Allah. I refrained from asking any more questions for fear of annoying him.” (reported by Muslim).
N.B. The word kindness here implies more than just the simple sense of kindness: it bears the sense of well treatment, obedience, and patience with them at all times and even more.
Another hadeeth confirms the same meaning” Abu Bakrah, may Allah be pleased with him, said:
We were in the company of Allah's Messenger (may peace be upon him) when he observed: Should I not inform you about the most grievous of the major sins؟ (The Holy Prophet) repeated it three times, and then said: Associating anyone with Allah, impiety to parents, false testimony or false utterance. The Holy Prophet was reclining, then he sat up, and he repeated it so many times that we wished that he should become silent.” ( reported by Muslim).
One of the useful methods in this regard is to attract children towards parents’ respect when parents explain that advice is introduced out of love rather than just practicing authority. To succeed in all of the above mentioned, parents should set an example as children usually need a role model to follow. Children are inclined in young ages to imitate and certainly they imitate parents who are to them the only source of information. In addition to parents being a role model, they should also introduce to children extra examples from among the Prophet’s (PAPBUH) companions for them to follow. They should be introduced in an attractive fashion that could create love and attachment at the children side deep enough for them to be eager to imitate instead of taking movie stars and singers as examples.
At the end we pray that” And those who pray, Our Lord! Grant unto us wives and offspring who will be the comfort of our eyes, and give us (the Grace) to lead the righteous” Quran 25:74 (AL FURQAN ).
May Allah accept all of our deeds strictly to Him and guide us towards the correct path