<b>Bismillah
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Marriage in Islam 2/4
Praise be to Allah and prayer and peace be upon His Messenger.
As for the Islamic teachings in this very important matter, we find that Allah in a very clear verse said “And among His Signs is this, that He created for you mates from among yourselves, that ye may dwell in tranquillity with them, and He has put love and mercy between your (hearts): verily in that are Signs for those who reflect.” Quran 30:21 (Al Rum). How may a couple attain the tranquillity included in this noble verse is the main question? We will move to the criteria brought to us by our Prophet (prayer and peace be upon him).
Abou Horayrra narrated that Prophet Mohamed (prayer and peace be upon him) said:” There are four purposes to marry a woman, her wealth, social position (her family), beauty and religion. Take the religious woman and you will be a winner” reported by Bukhary.
While he advised women in a hadeeth narrated by Abou Horayrra that the Prophet (prayer and peace be upon him) said: “When a man whom you agree to his level of religion and moral proposes to you accept his marriage. If you violate this rule temptation and corruption shall prevail on earth” reported by Termdhi.
Marriage means choosing your partner during the journey on earth which is not but a preparation for the day after. This partner will assist you to safely reach the desired final destination Insh a Allah (heaven). As mentioned in the verse both partners should be a source of tranquility to one another through the selection criteria explained in the two above mentioned hadeeth.
Now we said that marriage is a mutual responsibility. In this sense it is a responsibility on two levels: towards the community on one hand and the family members on the other.
Through marriage one should intend to satisfy Allah since it is the legitimate means to:
Formulate a family which is the nucleus of the community (that is where the responsibility towards the community lies):
Since the family is the main element of the community both partners should make sure to select one another in a way that serves this purpose. In other words choose the appropriate partner hopefully on the same wave length who will be concerned to observe Allah’s teachings in terms of:
The interrelationship: it is essential that both people do not enter into marriage perceiving it a battle over authority but rather a relation based on mutual understanding; remember the love and mercy mentioned in the verse. In this an abundant number of verses and hadeeth could clearly explain Allah’s guidance and the Prophet’s (prayer and peace be upon him) behavior in this regard.
Look to Allah as saying “O ye who believe ye are forbidden to inherit women against their will. Nor should ye treat them with harshness, that ye may take away part of the dower ye have given them, except where they have been guilty of open lewdness; on the contrary live with them on a footing of kindness and equity. If ye take a dislike to them it may be that ye dislike a thing, and Allah brings about through it a great deal of good.” Quran 4: 19. Only a pious man will observe and comprehend this verse and try to comply with it. This is complemented with a hadeeth saying: “Abou Horayrra narrated that the Prophet (prayer and peace be upon him) said that: A male believer should not fully reject a female believer, if he hated one part of her nature he may like another” reported my Muslim.
While in terms of the principles of the interrelation; Muslims are urged to adopt an amicable and tender oriented attitude between married couples. This is explicitly introduced in a number of hadeeth some examples will be brought as follows:
It was narrated by Zohair who said that Prophet Mohamed (prayer and peace be upon him) said: “ People who observe a just attitude are destined by Allah to sit on platforms made of light located on the right hand side of Allah – and Allah’s both hands are right. Those who maintain a faire attitude in their judgement, towards their families and whomever they have authority over” (reported by Muslim).
Men are encouraged to treat their wives well as in: It was narrated by Abou Horayrra that” Prophet Mohamed prayer and peace be upon him said: The believers who are the most complete in their faith are those who enjoy the best moral, and the best among you are those who treat their wives in the best possible manner” (reported by Termedhi). To set an example for this, our noble Prophet said: “ It was narrated by Aysha (may Allah be pleased with her) that the Prophet (prayer and peace be upon him) said: The best among you is this who treats his wife in the best possible manner and I’m the best among you to my wives, while if one of you died leave him” (reported by Termdhi).
In order to stress more on the necessity for a couple to maintain a loving and easy relationship including a time for entertainment, here is the prophetic example in this regard:
It was narrated by Aysha (may Allah be pleased with her) she said that the Prophet (prayer and peace be upon him) told her: I can realize when you are happy with me and when you are angry with me. She said I said how do you know, he said if you are happy with me you swear saying no in the name of Mohamed’s Lord while if you are not you would say no in the name of Ibrahim’s (peace be upon him) Lord. I said yes this is true but in the name of Allah I do not desert except your name” (reported by Ahmed). Look at the nice and friendly conversation taking place between the Prophet and his wife!! In another position he sets and example for the importance of sharing fun moments as in:” It was narrated by Aysha (may Allah be pleased with her) that she said: I raced with the Messenger of Allah (PAPBUH) and I wan the race” (reported by Ahmed). Furthermore, men are still urged to maintain a down to earth attitude towards their families as in: It was narrated that Alaswad said I asked Aysha (may Allah be pleased with her) how was the Prophet’s behavior when he comes to his house. She said he shares his families responsibilities, while he goes out on the time of prayer to pray” (reported by Ahmed). To the same meaning we also find that: It was narrated by Aysha (may Allah be pleased with her) that she said I was asked about the Messenger’s behavior in his house, I answered he is one of the human beings, he fixes his torn clothes, milks his sheep and serves himself”. (reported by Ahmed).
While for women the Prophet in an eloquent sentence summed up a female’s responsibility towards her husband: “It was narrated by Om Salama that she said that Prophet Mohamed (PAPBUH) said: Any woman dies while her husband is pleased with her is destined to heavens” (reported by Termdhi). Look at the deep meaning this comprehensive sentence bears. Pleases her husband, it included all aspects of the marital relation. But women should not look at this prophetic advice as a source of oppression, demeaning instruction or other negative feedback, which could be a result of a non-religious impact. You should first examine the instructions given to a man. Out of this you will be amazed to watch this harmonious relation based on a give and take attitude, far from selfishness or harshness or any other repulsive manner that could jeopardize the should exist emotions among a married couple. However, if you deeply examine the various instructions you will find that it could only work perfectly when the couple is devoted to one main goal of pleasing Allah In other words the source of love which will be the love of Allah. Which takes us back to the main criteria referred to on top.
In the next part we will continue on two more objectives of marriage.
May Allah accept all our deeds and allow us all utmost benefit of our knowledge and teach us what we do not know. Praise be to Allah and prayer and peace be upon His Messenger, his family, the companions and whoever followed him