10-30-2004, 07:26 AM
Salam Shaunee,
All our lives we are put into tests and diffuculities, ALL the time. No one of us will escape that, no matter who we are or what we believe in.
Brother Anya has so fresh in memory one of his most difficult struggles. When having children I think it even makes it more difficult. He is hurting, but he understands that he had no other alternative, since he has discovered that he loves Allah, SWT more than anything else. And that is true faith. Then you know HE will support you whatever happens. He will always be there for you. And that makes your heart at ease since you don't longer have to 'live on a lie'.
IF you FEEL deep in you heart that the right path to follow in this life is Islam, I think, even if you TRY to live as normally as possible together with your husband, and then you must supress your true self, it surely will work out fine for a while, but I am also quite possible that the time will come when things are going a bit out of hand. I don't say that to be rude or make you sad, but when true faith find its way to the heart, it is IMPOSSIBLE to take two positions. It becomes like eating the cake and still want to have it. And then things gets troublesome. So then I think that if not sooner then later you have to make this choice anyway. And later could make it more difficult.
So just try to have in mind, that you will not be alone in these difficulties. First of all you have Allah, SWT that is guiding you through the difficulties, then you have your brothers and sisters to turn to. And almost everyone that reverts to Islam has gone through more or less struggles to fulfill their wish to follow their hearts desire.
Just one memory, a sister that reverted at the same time as I did, when she told her mother she was had embraced Islam, her mother got upset and told her 'If you at least would have told me that you had become drug addict, THAT I could have accepted'. So by this I want also to say that it will not be easy, but that you already seem to have figured out. But I can assure you, if your heart belongs to Allah, SWT, you will eventually wisk away these matters as less important.
We will be here for you, insha'Allah whenever you need our support.
Salam