A Common Problem I Notice Alot Lately.....

[Anyabwile]

Yeh it's a tough one, my situation was i'd been with my girlfriend for nearly seven years. And we had a daughter near the end of it. It was seven very tough years, we had a <b>lot</b> of problems but love kept us together, we did have problems but i guess everyone does. When i found Islam, i embraced it fully. I'd found the word of God and had to make a choice. I couldn't continue living with my girlfriend unless she'd marry me of course. The funny thing is, all the time leading up to me finding Islam, we used to laugh at marriage "no need to get married just a bit of paper" we'd say. But obviously now i thought different, so it was no suprise to me when i told her i was Muslim and she said she's not getting married because we don't need to. I pleaded and pleaded but then realised if she doesn't wish to become Muslim herself, if it's not in her heart...then i don't want to force her, she has to love Allah, and she was Agnostic, she just couldnt/wouldnt belive. And i understood her position because i was in it with her before.


I just had to sit down, have many many long nights to myself thnking who do i love more, who is more important to me my girlfriend or God, who gave me my girlfriend my life, my daughter my eyes to see the very existance around me, and who will support me in the hurtful times after we split. There can never be a comparison as soon as you love something more than God, you elevate that thing to a position higher than God. Sure i know some will say it's a different kind of love but that's a cop out in a way. We all know what love is and we all feel the different degrees of love in my opinion.

I'm married to a Catholic man, there is now way in heaven or earth he would be a muslim.... he hates religion... and he has deeper negetive feelings for muslims. I have two small children, 5, and 3.  Divorce is the only way?  Why would a whole family be broken up like that?

When you say he hates religion, you mean he isn't practising Catholic? God should be your primary concern. My girlfriend wouldn't embrace Islam, and i never forced her to because i know she hates religion, passionately. But saying that, the choice had to be made, i'm not going to put my girlfriend before Allah never, how could i?? So we ended on good (ish) terms. Sure we were having problems but we always had problems, at the end of the day, you have to ask your self is your Muslim and Arab hating (as i belive you said in another post) husband more important to you than your God? If he is the sole reason from stopping you becoming fully Muslim then may i suggest your love for God isn't strong enough and perhaps it might be best you stay catholic. If i wasn't Muslim i'd still be with my girlfriend now probably, but God means too much to me.


Now it's been a long while since me and my girlfriend been togther and i see my daughter many times a week and although the loss is still there in my heart, Allah is making it less painful. The choice is yours of course, i know how difficult it is. But i knew it was a test for me, my first test as a Muslim was my hardest one. Now it all seems to be working out fine. Allah has took me from a Muslim in my room with no friends, to a Muslim who has nearly ten good Muslim friends including my friends on this board in a short space of time. I'm also going to Mosque for the first time tommorow to break fast...if i gain the courage to walk in


All of this is showing me that really now i can think back on it, we weren't right for each other in that kind of way, but at the time you don't see that. Allah came first for me, and will always. Because i emrbaced Allah he has made things so good for me, i'm enjoying life again man! Now all i need insha allah is that perfect wife and marriage! Honestly Shaunee, have you had time to be alone and think about it? I found that helped me the most. On a weekend, try and get some time free and just go for a walk or get some space...it helps a LOT, you will start to feel God even more when your head is clear, then the decision will be made easier. That's what helped me decide....time alone with God. We rarely get it these days but try and find that time.