A man's fair opinion about polygyny

[AL3a3]

I pray Allah (swt) bless me to state truth and keep me from stating wrong.

My understanding about marriage, (It is truely sacred)

I believe that when the Prophet (saaws) first married, with Khadijah (ra), he (saaws) knew as Allah stated in qur'an, (to have one wife is better).

And the Prophet (saaws) stayed with her and only her til her death.

It wasn't until a battle or war that left many women widowed, that he (saaws) as protection, took these women and married them. Also, it was not a disrespect for him (saaws) to marry Aisha (ra), and it was not just because she was a virgin. He (saaws) saw in her at an early age (knowledge, potiental) and won't allow any other man to marry and raise her in islam, and of course he(saaws) also saw her (ra) in a dream, sent as a sign from Allah (swt), so he married her, but he didn't go into her until years later when she became of age, (so it's not about lust).

Most of the Brothers and even before, I wondered, why not more than one wife, then when you think about it on the day of judgement, we must answer for each wife and each child from each wife.

We must follow the Prophet (saaws), but we must not marry more than one these sisters, thinking they are like a box of chocolates. These sisters are servants of Allah and we must respect them. If we are not marrying them for the pleasure of Allah to protect, teach, maintain, and love these sisters (whether 5 lbs. under or over), brothers we must be careful. Besides, when we join in marriage, yes we must be fair and let the first wife (at least know), and she must come up with a very logically reason why she can't handle it.

Even the Prophet (saaws) had a hard time with his(saaws) wives, they were naturally jealous, but never crossed, the lines into evil behaviours. He (saaws) even left them for a month, (went up to his attic and told them to be well behaved). He (saaws) just took a break from them. Even the qur'an tells of his offer to divorce his wives. *

Sometimes 1 wife is hard enough.

I know most of my friends still get finanical help from their wives and can't even have enough time with the wives children, they have now. I have some friends on the other hand who have much funds and plenty of energy to keep all their wives happy (or should I say from complaining).

Brothers, you know, and it is something we should think about, the life of the world or the best of both worlds.

As-salaamu alaikum wa rahmantu'llah.

[Muslimah]

as salam alykom brother AL3a3

do u mind moving your excellent post to this topic, it is on polygyny. Really your opinion, specially coming from a man is excellent.

http://www.islamsms.com/bb/viewtopic.php?t=762

[AL3a3]

Sis. Muslimah, it is ok, for you to move it where ever, I'm not that good with computers.

The only reason why I feel this way is becuase, I've seen some friends from here and other countries suffer, in polygamy, I've seen a muslim brother with non-muslim wife marry a 2nd who was muslim, (It didn't last).

Allah (swt) dislikes divorce and we should avoid it by being careful, who we marry and for what.

It's embarrassing when I know my brother who I may hang out with, have his wife on foodstamps and monthly checks, he had a couple of extra dollars in his pockets go get another wife.

sometimes, I say things, but I've learned to just make duas, and I fight against myself also, never to mistreat any sister in that manner. I have a sister of my own, and I love my mom, and all the women in my family, (they are christians< but if they are hurt by their husbands, I'd speak up to their Husbands, just the same.>

I will also say that sisters should care enough about the other sister to at least see how is the first sister before marrying her husband. It's not good to be close to each other, but at least have her write a letter.

the Prophet (saaws) never forced his wives to be together , he (saaws) said be good to each other and behave, some got along and some didn't, but they all had their own homes, and never caused too many problems for each other.

there are other brothers who fear Allah enough to do each wife right and be fair. I have a friend that repays his wife for everyhting she spends of her foodstamps and money (so that's a different story), anything she spends he'll return to her in cash and I have to respect him for that. She is his only wife, but the fact that he'll take care of his duties like that, I admire him.

When a sister comes with nothing, the brother completes all his duties (maintaining for her), then want another wife without taking from the first, the first sister can't go against it at all. the brother should be respected. Or if the 1st wife can't have children, or don't like sexual relations, then the brother can get another. the cases are different.

I just believe that we should cherish the women, that's the way the Prophet (saaws) told us in his (saaws) farewell khutbar, he (saaws) mentioned it a couple of times.

As-salaamu alaikum wa rahmantu'llahi wa baraktu!

[Muslimah]

Mash a Allah Mash a Allah Mash a Allah AL3a3

I really respect u so much, Alhamdulelah, brothers like u must spread this word, It is not that I am against polygyny being a female. No I can never be against Allah's Sharia`a. It is a man's right and sometimes a man has reasons to remarry just to him and Allah, even if it appears that he does not have to. But when it comes to failure of assuming one's duties, then the man in trouble. And believe me, I do care for Muslim men as much as u do care for Muslim sisters. They will have to answer for each wife just as u said. Polygyny was practiced by all Sahaba and of course the Messenger of Allah salah Allah a`alyehi wasalam. However, his cases were different. At the end we just make dua for men who choose to be in polygyny for Allah to Help them do it right.

And u know what AL3a3 I will have to leave the topic here as long as we added on it.

But I must say the original post was even excellent. It is just another proof that Allah's rulings are always correct and conform with human nature.

[Muslimah]

Oh AL3a3 I forgot to tell u may Allah grant u comfort of the eye by allowing your family to join the winning party soon ya akhi.

and no problem if u r not good with computer, your presence with us is highly regarded any way.

[Star]

Good to see some muslim men read deeper into islam for the sake of islam and not for personal satisfaction.......

[AL3a3]

Al-hamdu'llah,

only because of our male hormones, and mainly because of our rights of being obeyed, we brothers sometimes, let our rights go to our minds instead of our hearts, but we mean while, I'm sure not one brother want to hurt his wife, as it is the sister he chose to marry in the first place.

But we are only human and we are for sure not perfect.

Sisters should never take polygamy personally, we love our wives, but we are only men., tha's all.

It's not all about us as men or the sisters as women, it's all about Allah (swt), and His Messenger (saaws), and living and dying in the state of islam, and in Allah's Mercy He (swt) grants us enjoyment, because of our rights as human beings.

I pray I've stated what was right, and there are more brothers who feel the same as i do, they want to get heir marriages right, because they want to please Allah and avoid His Wrath.

Thanks,

As-salaamu alaikum wa rahamntua'llah

[Star]

can i ask what if a sister couldnt handle having her husband take another wife......is that so wrong?

could it be put in her condition of marrige that he dont take another wife?

[Muslimah]

as salam alykom Star

Yes a woman is allowed to stipulate in her marriage contract something like that. How about is we discuss this in detail in the sisters forum??? Insh aAllah

[Amatullah]

he (saaws) knew as Allah stated in qur'an, (to have one wife is better). And the Prophet (saaws) stayed with her and only her til her death.

It wasn't until a battle or war that left many women widowed, that he (saaws) as protection, took these women and married them.[/quote:b45c512dac]

Where is the proof from Quran and Sunnah that having one wife is better, and that one has to have a reason to marry more than one (example: she has to be widow or divorced or first wife can't have children...etc)