How to make your husband happy

[muslimah_min_fhalesteen]

Asalamu Alaikum to all


I am not sure if it's ok to start a new topic on this inshallah it is


The following article is a summary of the book "How to Make Your Husband Happy" by Sheikh Mohammed Abdelhaleem Hamed.





<b></b>


1. Beautiful Reception


After returning from work, school, travel, or whatever has separated you,


Begin with a good greeting.


Meet him with a cheerful face


Beautify and perfume yourself


Start with good news and delay any bad news until he has rested


Receive him with loving and yearning sentences


Make hard efforts for excellence of the food & having it ready on time.


<b></b>


2. Beautify and Soften the Voice


For your husband only, it shouldn't be used in front of non-mahram men (men who can marry you if you were unmarried)


<b>3. Smelling Good and Physical Beautification</b>


Take good care of your body and fitness.


Put on nice and attractive clothes and perfumes.


Bathe regularly and, after the monthly period, remove any blood traces or bad smells.


Avoid that your husband observes you in dirty clothes or rough shape


Avoid prohibited types of ornamentation, e.g. tatoos


Use the types of perfumes, colors, and clothes that the husband likes


Change hair style, perfumes, etc. from time to time However with these things you should avoid excessiveness and, of course only act as such in front of mahrem men and women.


<b>4. Intercourse</b>


Hasten for intercourse when your husband feels compulsion for it.


Keep your body clean and smelling good as possible including cleaning yourself of released fluids during intercourse.


Exchange loving phrases with your husband.


Leave your husband to fully satisfy his desire.


Choose suitable times and good occasions for exciting your husband and encouraging him to do intercourse, e.g. after returning from a travel, weekends, etc.


<b>5. Satisfaction With What Allah (subhaanahu wa ta'aalaa) Has Allotted</b>


You shouldn't be depressed because your husband is poor or works in a simple job


You should look at poor, sick, and handicapped people and remember Allah (subhaanahu wa ta'aalaa) for all that was given to you.


You should remember that real wealth lies in faith and piety.


<b>6. Indifference to Worldly Things</b>


You should not consider this world as your hope and interest.


You should not ask your husband for many unnecessary things.


Asceticism does not mean not to enjoy what is good and permissible (Halal), but it means that one should look forward to the Hereafter and utilize whatever Allah SWT gave them to achieve paradise (Al-Jannah).


Encourage your husband to reduce expenses and save some money in order to give charity and feed poor and needy people.


<b>7. Appreciation</b>


By the saying of the Prophet (sallallaahu 'alaihi wa sallam), the majority of people in Hell were women because they were ungrateful and deny the good done to them.


The result of being grateful is that your husband will love you more and will do his best to please you in more ways


The result of being ungrateful is that your husband will be disappointed and will start asking himself: "Why should I do good to her, if she never appreciates?"


<b></b>


8. Devotion and Loyalty


In particular in times of calamities in your husband's body or business e.g. an accident or a bankruptcy


Supporting him through your own work, money, and properties if needed.


<b>9. Compliance to Him</b>


In all what he commands you, unless it is prohibited (Haram)


In Islam, the husband is the leader of the family, and the wife is his support and consultant.


<b>10. Pleasing Him If He Is Angry</b>


First off, try to avoid what will guarantee his anger. But if it happens that you can't, then try to appease him as follows:


If you were mistaken, then apologize


If he was mistaken then:


Keep still instead of arguing or


Yield you right or


Wait until he is no longer angry and discuss the matter peacefully with him.


If he was angry because of external reasons then:


Keep silent until his anger goes


Find excuses for him, e.g. tired, problems at work, someone insulted him


Do not ask many questions and insist on knowing what happened e.g.


1) You should tell me what happened!


2) I must know what made you so angry!


3) You are hiding something, and I have the right to know!


<b>11. Guardianship While He is Absent</b>


Protect yourself from any prohibited relations


Keep the secrets of the family, particularly intercourse and things that the husbands don't like other people to know.


Take care of the house and children.


Take care of his money and properties


Do not go out of your house without his permission and put on full hijaab


Refuse people whom he does not like to come over


Do not allow any non-mahram man to be alone with you in any place


Be good with his parents and relatives in his absence


<b>12. Showing Respect for his Family and Friends</b>


You should welcome his guests and try to please them, especially his parents.


You should avoid problems as much as you can with his relatives.


You should avoid putting him is a position where he had to choose between his mother and his wife


Show good hospitality for his guests by arranging a nice place for them to sit in, perfection of food, welcoming their wives, etc.


Encourage him to visit his relatives and invite them to your home


Phone his parents and sisters, send letters to them, buy gifts for them, support them in calamities, etc...


<b>13. Admirable Jealousy</b>


Jealousy is a sign for wife's love for her husband but it should be kept within the limits of Islam, e.g. not insulting or backbiting others disrespecting them, etc…


You should not follow or create unfounded doubts.


<b>14. Patience and Emotional Support</b>


Be patient when you face poverty and strained circumstances.


When you face calamities and disasters that may happen to you, your husband, his and your children, relatives or properties, e.g. diseases, accidents, death, etc.


When facing hardships in Da'wah (imprisonment, getting fired, arrested etc.


Be patient and encourage him to keep on the path of Allah and remind him of Paradise.


When he mistreats you, counteract his ill-treatment by good treatment.


<b>15. Support in Obedience to Allah, Da'wah and Jihad</b>


Cooperate with your husband and remind him of different obligatory and voluntary worships.


Encourage him to pray at night.


Listen and reciting the Qur'aan individually and with your husband.


Listen to Islamic tapes and songs individually and with your husband.


Remember Allah subhaanahu wa ta'aalaa, much, particularly after Fajr and before Maghrib.


Share in arranging Da'wah activities for women and children.


Learn Islamic rules (ahkaam) and good manners ('adab) for women.


Support your husband's activities by encouraging him, offering wise opinions, soothing his pains, etc.


Yielding some of your rights and a part of your time with your husband for Da'wah


Encourage him to go for Jihad when needed and remind him that you and children will be in the preservation of Allah, subhaanahu wa ta'aalaa.


<b>16. Good Housekeeping</b>


Keep it clean, decorated and well arranged


Change house arrangements from time to time to avoid boredom


Perfect food (preparation) and prepare healthy foods


Learn all the necessary skills for managing the house, e.g. sewing


Learn how to raise children properly and in an Islamic way.


<b>17. Preservation of Finances and the Family</b>


Do not spend from his money, even for charity without his permission unless you are sure that he agrees on this.


Protect his house, car, etc. while he is absent.


Keep the children in good shape, clean clothes, etc. Take care of their nutrition, health, education, manners, etc. Teach them Islam and tell them the stories of the Prophets and companions.

[muslimah_min_fhalesteen]

How to make your wife happy


The following is a summary of the book "How to make your wife happy by Sheikh Mohammed Abdelhaleem Hamed.


Beautiful Reception


After returning from work, school, travel, or whatever has separated you:


<b>Begin with a good greeting.</b>


Start with Assalamau 'Aliaykum and a smile. Salam is a sunnah and a du'aa for her as well.


Shake her hand and leave bad news for later!


<b>Sweet Speech and Enchanting Invitations </b>


Choose words that are positive and avoid negative ones.


Give her your attention when you speak of she speaks.


Speak with clarity and repeat words if necessary until she understands.


Call her with the nice names that she likes, e.g. my sweet-heart, honey, saaliha, etc.


<b>Friendliness and Recreation </b>


Spend time talking together.


Spread to her goods news.


Remember your good memories together.


<b>Games and Distractions </b>


Joking around & having a sense of humor.


Playing and competing with each other in sports or whatever.


Taking her to watch permissible (halal) types of entertainment.


Avoiding prohibited (haram) things in your choices of entertainment.


<b>Assistance in the Household </b>


Doing what you as an individual can/like to do that helps out, especially if she is sick or tired.


The most important thing is making it obvious that he appreciates her hard work.


<b>Consultation (Shurah) </b>


Specifically in family matters.


Giving her the feeling that her opinion is important to you.


Studying her opinion carefully.


Be willing to change an opinion for hers if it is better.


Thanking her for helping him with her opinions.


<b>Visiting Others </b>


Choosing well raised people to build relations with. There is a great reward in visiting relatives and pious people. (Not in wasting time while visiting!)


Pay attention to ensure Islamic manners during visits.


Not forcing her to visit whom she does not feel comfortable with.


<b>Conduct During Travel </b>


Offer a warm farewell and good advice.


Ask her to pray for him.


Ask pious relatives and friends to take care of the family in your absence.


Give her enough money for what she might need.


Try to stay in touch with her whether by phone, e-mail, letters, etc..


Return as soon as possible.


Bring her a gift!


Avoid returning at an unexpected time or at night.


Take her with you if possible.


<b>Financial Support </b>


The husband needs to be generous within his financial capabilities. He should not be a miser with his money (nor wasteful).


He gets rewards for all what he spends on her sustenance even for a small piece of bread that he feeds her by his hand (hadeith).


He is strongly encouraged to give to her before she asks him.


<b>Smelling Good and Physical Beautification </b>


Following the Sunnah in removing hair from the groin and underarms.


Always being clean and neat.


Put on perfume for her.


<b>Intercourse </b>


It is obligatory to do it habitually if you have no excuse (sickness, etc.)


Start with "Bismillah" and the authentic du'a.


Enter into her in the proper place only (not the anus).


Begin with foreplay including words of love.


Continue until you have satisfied her desire.


Relax and joke around afterwards.


Avoid intercourse during the monthly period because it haram


Do what you can to avoid damaging her level of Hiyaa (shyness and modesty) such as taking your clothes together instead of asking her to do it first while he is looking on.


Avoid positions during intercourse that may harm her such as putting pressure on her chest and blocking her breath, especially if you are heavy.


Choose suitable times for intercourse and be considerate as sometimes she maybe sick or exhausted.


<b>Guarding Privacy </b>


Avoid disclosing private information such as bedroom secrets, her personal problems and other private matters.


<b>Aiding in the Obedience to Allah </b>


Wake her up in the last third of the night to pray "Qiyam-ul-Layl" (extra prayer done at night with long sujood and ruku'ua).


Teach her what you know of the Qur'an and its tafseer.


Teach her "Dhikr" (ways to remember Allah by the example of the prophet) in the morning and evening.


Encourage her to spend money for the sake of Allah such as in a charity sale.


Take her to Hajj and Umrah when you can afford to do so.


<b>Showing Respect for her Family and Friends </b>


Take her to visit her family and relatives, especially her parents.


Invite them to visit her and welcome them.


Give them presents on special occasions.


Help them when needed with money, effort, etc..


Keep good relations with her family after her death if she dies first. Also in this case the husband is encouraged to follow the sunnah and keep giving what she used to give in her life to her friends and family.


<b>(Islamic) Training & Admonition </b>


This includes:


The basics of Islam


Her duties and rights


Reading and writing


Encouraging her to attend lessons and halaqahs


Islamic rules (ahkam) related to women


Buying Islamic books and tapes for the home library


<b>Admirable Jealousy </b>


Ensure she is wearing proper hijab before leaving house.


Restrict free mixing with non-mahram men.


Avoiding excess jealousy.


Examples of this are:


1- Analyzing every word and sentence she says and overloading her speech by meanings that she did not mean


2- Preventing her from going out of the house when the reasons are just.


3- Preventing her from answering the phone.


<b>Patience and Mildness </b>


Problems are expected in every marriage so this is normal. What is wrong is excessive responses and magnifying problems until a marital breakdown.


Anger should be shown when she exceeds the boundaries of Allah SWT, by delaying prayers, backbiting, watching prohibited scenes on TV, etc..


Forgive the mistakes she does to you.


<b>Pardoning and Appropriate Censure </b>


Accounting her only for larger mistakes.


Forgive mistakes done to him but account her for mistakes done in Allah's rights, e.g. delaying prayers, etc..


Remember all the good she does whenever she makes a mistake.


Remember that all humans err so try to find excuses for her such as maybe she is tired, sad, having her monthly cycle or that her commitment to Islam is growing.


Avoid attacking her for the bad cooking of the food as the Prophet PBUH never blamed any of his wives for this. If he likes the food, he eats and if he doesn't then he does not eat and does not comment.


Before declaring her to be in error, try other indirect approaches that are more subtle than direct accusations


Escape from using insults and words that may hurt her feelings.


When it becomes necessary to discuss a problem wait until you have privacy from others.


Waiting until the anger has subsided a bit can help to keep a control on your words.

[khadeeja]

is it wrong for married women to become jealous and annoyed about her husband talking to other women?

[Muslimah]

Bismillah


as salam alykom Khadija


Well, let us look at the matter from two sides, personal, human being, it is only normal for women to feel jealous, but how to handle the jealousy and express it? is the core of interest.


First off, if the husband is talking to another woman for a reason or the other while observing full Islamic manners, we do talk to me u know, why should u be jealous to start with? Jealousy builds on the Nafs. It builds on what is different about her? what is specialy about her. Nothing, since your husband chose to marry u, thus, he must be seeing u special and enough of a woman. Feeling jealous in such case, hurts no one but the woman who feels it, since sometimes, it can really take her to positions she wouldnt like to be in. If we think that if i m smart, there must others who are smarter, if I m pretty there must be others who are prettier, ..etc. Thus, a husband talking to another woman in a regular normal context shouldnt actually raise any jealousy. However, for example Aaesha used to feel jealous about the Messenger salla Allah a`lyhee wa sallam and what we should learn and focus on is how to contain this feeling and handle it in order not to distroy a relation that could be really very beatiful for no reason other than desires of Nafs.


Hope I helped dear Khadija and sorry if the reply came late. Hope Muslimah min Felisteen is ok.