Why Did The Prophet Muhammad Marry Many Wives?

[Muslimah]

Bismillah


as salam alykom


Umm brought it up very clearly


Intuition u know very well if I pursue a subject on it is just out of concern for my sisters.


The whole issue is measured against men practice. we must not. That is all.


beside another important factor is that even when a man or a woman's heart changes, we must look at them as criminals just because the heart changed. U know what I mean and u know I m usually brief.


So this is considered toooo much talking for me.

[Muslimah]

Bismillah


One more point I liked to mention here, is that sorry everyone but the Ayah is very clear and it does not make polygyny conditional on any specific circumstances. Us trying to find reasons why it is permitted is our own problem. BUt the Ayha is very clear. so be it to provide for a sister, ....etc or even to save a man from committing zina because he is just built in that he can not be satisifed with one woman, for this type of men also Allah made a legal way to solve his problem. It seves as a safety valve for such men. Allah when He Sets rules, He Sets rules to include all categories of mankind. For example why dont we discuss the duration of fasting starting from Fajr till maghreb. Some poeple just cant take it, but Allah regulated it this way. why dont we discuss this??


Now this has nothing to do with the necessity for the man to adopt equality, this is where accountability comes. Allah Gave a permission yes, but with responsibility, if the man does not fulfill it, he is in trouble and this is his own problem not the system.


Am I making sense now, was I able to convey the point?????????

[Dan]

Bismillah


As Salam alaikum


Astaghfirullah if I sounded as if I did not agree with Allah's Laws. That is not what I meant to say at all. Maybe a clearer way for me to state what I wanted to say will evolve here. There are different types of laws, right? Some are required which means that everyone MUST do it. There are others were some things are permissible. When something is permissible, I must think for myself if this allowed thing will draw me closer to Allah or farther from Him.


If my mother left a note on the kitchen counter that said, "Go outside." I am pretty sure that we all agree that we would then go outside (if we were obedient children as I am sure we all were [img]style_emoticons/default/smile.gif[/img] ). The message is clear. If my mother left a note that said, "You can go outside if you want," then I am required to do some logical thinking for myself. Just because my mother said that I could go outside does not mean that there are not stipulations to be understood. Like if I knew that if I went outside, I would join up with some bad kids and get in trouble, then I should not have went outside. If it becomes muddy and I ruin my shoes by going outside, then I should have had the sense to stay in. On the other hand, if I know that I will get restless inside and get into trouble inside, then I should go outside. Does this make sense?


I know for me that multiple wives are allowed for me. Yet when I think about it, I know that I will not be able to live up to the guidelines that Allah has set. I do not think that I would be able to be unbiased with my wives so FOR ME, I think it would be bad for me to have more than one wife. It would take me further from Allah rather than bring me closer. This is how I am understanding Intuition as well. She knows that it is permitted for her husband but she knows that she would not be able to be the best wife for her husband because of jealousy or whatnot. So I think for her it would be bad to be involved with a man with more than one wife because it would draw her away from Allah.


I judge my actions by whether or not they will draw me closer to Allah. Number one is to have my actions be in accordance with the sunnah of the Prophet. Out of those permissible actions, I must find which ones will draw me closer to Allah. Say it is difficult for me to fast. I fast when commanded but after that I do not fast extra because it makes me too weak to work and I get resentful and crabby with everyone, thus possibly nullifying my fast and earning sins. But it is easy for me to get up early and pray extra. By figuring out which of the PERMISSIBLE acts will draw me personally closer to Allah, I am becoming a sucessful muslim. Different companions were known for being pious in different ways. Some recited and memorized Qur'an. Some fasted alot. Some prayed all night. Just because one companion did not do something permissible did not mean that others who did were better. On the other hand, just because someone does something permissible does not mean that they are better than others who do not.


Allah, The All-Mighty, the Oft-Forgiving, has built a pasture for us to graze and become nourished by this deen. Some graze in the shade. Others like it out in the sun. Yet we are all grazing in the lawful good things Allah Gives us.


Insha'Allah, I have cleared myself before Allah. If I have offended any of my brothers or sisters, then please forgive me. Keep me in you all's prayers.


As Salam alaikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatu

[NaSra]

MashaAllah, Alhamdulilah that Allah has created Brothers Like Dan, and my husband who also shares the exact thinking and views.

She knows that it is permitted for her husband but she knows that she would not be able to be the best wife for her husband because of jealousy or whatnot. So I think for her it would be bad to be involved with a man with more than one wife because it would draw her away from Allah.

JZK For clearing that up. I also believe in Love and that the heart can ONLY carry and love one. Maybe for some people this doesn't play a big role in their marriage and thats ok, thats them.


MashaAllah Its really unique the way you bring your thinking into written words. So simple to understand, especially the example about the note. Everything makes sense.


FeeAmanaAllah

[radiyah]

Bismillah

So, what you're saying radiyah, is that there are only 2 possibilities when it comes to marriage:
1) Let the man legally marry more than 1 wife


OR


2) He'll marry 1 wife and then have women on the side (i.e. affairs)?


Radiyah, your question is based on propaganda. Every man is not engaged in adulteress affairs. And no, I DO NOT BEAR my husband having "chicks" on the side.

First , Ronni sorry for not answering earlier becasue I was very busy and rarely used the net. [img]style_emoticons/default/rolleyes.gif[/img]


Second I am not propagating anything, I am just simply saying that there are some men who are not satesfied with one, and I did not mean that all men are neccesarily, the same and my answer was based upon your statement. I might have been " brutally honest about the way she puts it" as sister Muslimah said, but it is the fact and it is also a fact that it is happening in our arab and islamic world. Where a woman will be too proud to accept that her husband will share another wife with her, and she threatens that she will ask for a divorce, but if she knows that he has a girlfriend, it will be okay with her as long as he did not marry her, and this is more open and accepted in the western world than in the arab and islamic world . So what will happen the man(if he is pious and afraid to commit zinna) will marry another woman secretly without the first wife knowing but the second knows, and she accepts that the man will not stay at night with him so the other wife will not doubt him,( and I know many cases like that, and the truth will not be discovered until the man dies and then the second will ask for her inheretance and the right of her children(if she has any), or he will have a girlfriend if he is not relegious, and I know also many cases like that, and they overcome those who are married secretly because many muslims are not very relegious nowadays, but Alhamdulilah, everybody is starting to return to their piety between muslims and they are returning to their relegion . Also I am sorry to say , that one man killed his girlfriend, because she was boared from that way of life and she wanted to have a right and respectful married life, and she threatned to tell his wife, so what will he do, will he let her ruin his life, inspite him of being from an hounorable family and he was a very respectful man, what will he do, he simply killed her, and threw her body in the sea. But Allah The All-Knower, would not let a murderer get away with his murder unless He Wills, and his murder was discovered. I am really sorry to say that, and I am sorry if I made anyone feel disgusted here, but these are facts and true stories that happened, and there are thousands stories like that, weathere in western or eastern society . But I am not saying that all men are like that, some are satesfied with one, and that is excellent, and I am happy for u Ronni that your husband loves you and that he is a good husband, that is wonderful [img]style_emoticons/default/smile.gif[/img], but what we are trying to say and all of my brothers and sisters said, that Allah(SWT) made it perrmissable mostly for hounarable causes, like our beloved prophet did. But if a man is not satesfied with one, it is allowed for him, better than to have a girlfriend and make zinna.

And you didn't answer my question: Would you like to be in such a plural marriage yourself? And don't give me this, "I'd prefer that over him having mistresses". NOT ALL MEN DO THAT! Therefore, you need to tell me, if you had the choice, would you choose to be his ONLY WIFE or share him with other women? Which is it?

Look Ronni, no woman would like that her husband marry another woman, but if he chooses it , it is not the end of the world for me, I will be sad for a week or so, then I will accept it, and yes I'd prefer that over him having a mistress, that is my answer always, nothing or no1 will make me change it, I will accept it when I know and I am sure that he is taking an hounorable pious woman, so that I will know that I am safe from any diseases, and that the brothers or sisters of my children will be raised with high morals. In one of the gulf countries one very pious woman died of Aids, because her husband got weak once and to his bad luck that once had aids without him knowing, so of course he got it, and it was transferred to her and they both died. Here I am not giving an excuse that he should have married another one because he got weak once, at such situtations he could have rememberd the punishment from Allah. But if that weakness was put in a rightful way, another marriage from a pious woman, then okay, let it be.


And also I would like to tell u, my love for Allah is above all love for any human being even if it was my husband, in my every day life I seek what pleases Allah, and try to be away from what He dislikes, (I am not saying I am perfect or sinless, it is not my right, only ALLAH will judge that), if Allah permitted an issue, then who am I to argue it, He knows better than me. He is The All-Knower, The Wise, I will not attack Allah's rules to please my own ego, I will not say I accept or not, I will not say I will ask for a divorce, because I know that if I am patient, and accept what He ordered me to do, then Allah will be Pleased with me and reward me for my patience in Jannah. This is how true muslims should be, otherwise they are weak muslims( sorry sister intuition. no offense, people differ, and this is how I c it to Please Allah)


And Ronni, u made men seem like dogs if they had more than one wife, again I tell u here it is the same with the one who is married and run after illicit relation ships every day. And I will not add more, I think u know what I mean, because it is prohibited to talk more deeply into these things.

Radiyah seems to be saying that all men need to have relationships with "10s" of women. If this is true, then I assume it applies to Muslim men as well as non-Muslim men?
Since Muslim men are limited to having only 4 wives, then I assume that they, too, have 10's of girlfriends, since a Muslim man would never be satisfied to have sexual relations with only 4 women at a time?

I did not mean that, and u know I don't, and not all muslim men marry 4 wives, and if they did, they are not allowed to go and run after girlfriends, they will be sinners and they will be punished, and I think this issue was well covered by my sisters and brothers.


Peace


========================================================


To my sisters and brothers( A Reminder ):


From Sahih Bukhari:


Volume 9, Book 92, Number 391:



Narrated Abu Huraira:


The Prophet said, "Leave me as I leave you) for the people who were before you were ruined because of their questions and their differences over their prophets. So, if I forbid you to do something, then keep away from it. And if I order you to do something, then do of it as much as you can."





Volume 9, Book 92, Number 392:



Narrated Sa'd bin Abi Waqqas:


The Prophet said, "The most sinful person among the Muslims is the one who asked about something which had not been prohibited, but was prohibited because of his asking."


Bismillah Al-Rahman Al-Raheem:


35. Verily, the Muslims (those who submit to Allâh in Islâm) men and women, the believers men and women (who believe in Islâmic Monotheism), the men and the women who are obedient (to Allâh), the men and women who are truthful (in their speech and deeds), the men and the women who are patient (in performing all the duties which Allâh has ordered and in abstaining from all that Allâh has forbidden), the men and the women who are humble (before their Lord Allâh), the men and the women who give Sadaqât (i.e. Zakât, and alms, etc.), the men and the women who observe Saum (fast) (the obligatory fasting during the month of Ramadân, and the optional Nawâfil fasting), the men and the women who guard their chastity (from illegal sexual acts) and the men and the women who remember Allâh much with their hearts and tongues (while sitting, standing, lying, etc. for more than 300 times extra over the remembrance of Allâh during the five compulsory congregational prayers) or praying extra additional Nawâfil prayers of night in the last part of night, etc.) Allâh has prepared for them forgiveness and a great reward (i.e. Paradise).



36. It is not for a believer, man or woman, when Allâh and His Messenger have decreed a matter that they should have any option in their decision. And whoever disobeys Allâh and His Messenger, he has indeed strayed in a plain error., 33, Surat Al-Ahzab.


We as muslims should answer and explain why Allah(SWT) prohibited something or did not prohibit, and we should not argue about it and say I accept or not, Whatever Allah prohibits is for our own good, and whatsever Allah(SWT) permits is for our own good, He Knows Best, We are here to please and obey Him, and not to please others or ourselves, otherwise we will be asked about it, that we preferred our own nafs and ego against Allah's orders. :


Bismillah Al-Rahman Al-Raheem:


28. And keep yourself (O Muhammad ) patiently with those who call on their Lord (i.e. your companions who remember their Lord with glorification, praising in prayers, etc., and other righteous deeds, etc.) morning and afternoon, seeking His Face, and let not your eyes overlook them, desiring the pomp and glitter of the life of the world; and obey not him whose heart We have made heedless of Our Remembrance, one who follows his own lusts and whose affair (deeds) has been lost.



The underlined here will be thought of by non muslims as sexual lust, which is a wrong explanation here by them, here it means their own ego or wnatings and desires.


Bismillah Al-Rahman Al-Raheem:






29. And say: "The truth is from your Lord." Then whosoever wills, let him believe, and whosoever wills, let him disbelieve. Verily, We have prepared for the Zâlimûn (polytheists and wrong-doers, etc.), a Fire whose walls will be surrounding them (disbelievers in the Oneness of Allâh). And if they ask for help (relief, water, etc.) they will be granted water like boiling oil, that will scald their faces. Terrible the drink, and an evil Murtafaqâ (dwelling, resting place, etc.)! , 18, Surat Al-Kahf.


Those who beleive in Allah, then must beleive in everything He


ordered or prohibited, and not try to turn things into his own desire.


43. Have you (O Muhammad ) seen him who has taken as his ilâh (god) his own desire? Would you then be a Wakîl (a disposer of his affairs or a watcher) over him?



44. Or do you think that most of them hear or understand? They are only like cattle; nay, they are even farther astray from the Path. (i.e. even worst than cattle). 25, Surat Al-Furqan.


Sorry for the long post, sorry if I offended anyone, it was not my intention, but I was trying to clear my point of view fortified with Hadeeths and Ayahs, and Allah knows best. If I am right it is only from Allah, and if I am wrong from my ignorance and shaytan, and may Allah forgive me for any mistake or misunderstanding that I wrote.


And Allah Knows best


Wasalam

[Yasmin]

Asalamalakum


Intuition, you know already how I feel about polygamy (god can't even spell the word right). [img]style_emoticons/default/smile.gif[/img]


I am very selfish when it comes to sharing my hubby wit any woman. Don't have a hubby now but no way will I share him with another woman. [img]style_emoticons/default/rolleyes.gif[/img]


Insha'Allah when Mr right comes along to marry me, I'm going to make my mehr and part of the marriage contract that he promises to always encourage me to be a better muslimah and to never re-marry while he's married to me.


any man who refuses to except that rule can forget about marrying me. [img]style_emoticons/default/biggrin.gif[/img]


just being real


Masalam

[NaSra]

I will not say I will ask for a divorce, because I know that if accept I am patient, and accept what He ordered me to do, then Allah will be Pleased with me and reward me for my patience in Jannah. This is how true muslims should be, otherwise they are weak muslims( sorry sister intuition. no offense, people differ, and this is how I c it to Please Allah)

Only Allah knows who really is a weak Muslim. You have described those who’d accept polygamy as patient/God fearing and true Muslims. Then you say “directly” whoever doesn’t endure to be in such a marriage is a weak Muslim and visa versa.


You have passed a judgement, there is nothing more left for me to say.


I seek refuge in Allah.

[ronniv93]

radiyah,

Second I am not propagating anything, I am just simply saying that there are some men who are not satesfied with one, and I did not mean that all men are neccesarily, the same and my answer was based upon your statement.

But you did not make it seem that way in your post. Perhaps you were just angry at the time you composed it, but the way you sounded then.... there were only 2 options FOR ALL MEN. You lumped MY wonderful husband in with the scoundrels who are so sex-driven that they SEEMINGLY can't control themselves. You left no room for the possibility that there ARE men out there who are not like this.

Where a woman will be too proud to accept that her husband will share another wife with her,

And no woman SHOULD have to take that. A man would never, NEVER, NEVER accept HIS wife being with another man. Why should a woman have to put up with that if she doesn't want to?

and she threatens that she will ask for a divorce, but if she knows that he has a girlfriend, it will be okay with her as long as he did not marry her,

Well, I don't know anything about this. Both are ridiculous to put up with. Neither is better than the other; they are equally as bad.

and this is more open and accepted in the western world than in the arab and islamic world .

Wrong. All wrong. NO WOMAN <b>ACCEPTS</b> this UNLESS she begins to convince herself that men just can't help themeselves or she thinks little of her own self. I will NEVER accept that men can't be satisifed with 1 woman, therefore I will never tolerate another wife OR a "chick on the side" and no woman in the world should, IMO.

But I am not saying that all men are like that, some are satesfied with one, and that is excellent, and I am happy for u Ronni that your husband loves you and that he is a good husband, that is wonderful

Thank you for saying that. I'm glad that this point is clarified; it just seemed that, in your mind, it was only 1 option or the other. But now I can see that you are NOT meaning to say that.

but what we are trying to say and all of my brothers and sisters said, that Allah(SWT) made it perrmissable mostly for hounarable causes, like our beloved prophet did.

Okay. I understand that Islam permits this. What I have seen, though, in these plural marriages is only more heartache, trouble, etc. than if <b>1 woman and 1 man</b> would just stick to each other.


I think that any man who is truly sex-driven will never be satisfied even with 4 wives. Such men like the thrill and challenge of going after different women. They want to experience intercourse with all types of women with no strings attached. Having just 4 to choose from AND having to financially support them takes the "fun" out of it for such a person (if you can call them that). A good man is pleased to love and support his wife and cherish her and her only, not be driven my physical impulses to sleep with anything that comes his way.

[radiyah]

Bismillah

Only Allah knows who really is a weak Muslim. You have described those who’d accept polygamy as patient/God fearing and true Muslims. Then you say “directly” whoever doesn’t endure to be in such a marriage is a weak Muslim and visa versa.
You have passed a judgement, there is nothing more left for me to say.


I seek refuge in Allah.

Sister intuition, u should know me better, I never pass a judgement on anyone, and I did not accuse u as being a weak muslim, and that is why I told u sorry and no offense, so that u won't take such a thing on yourself, but it seems, u did, and that is not what I meant. I was talking that in general as it is mentioned in many verses and ahadetth about the Sabroon, and I did not judge any one in person, I cannot do that, only Allah can Judge ones true Eman and not me. May Allah forgive me if I conveyed such a meaning to u. And accept my apology sister if I offended u.


Chapter 34: PERMISSIBILITY OF BESTOWING THE TURN ON ONE'S FELLOW-WIFE







Book 008, Number 3451:


'A'isha (Allah be pleased with her) reported: Never did I find any woman more loving to me than Sauda bint Zam'a. I wished I could be exactly like her who was passionate. As she became old, she had made over her day (which she had to spend) with Allah's Messenger (may peace be upon him) to 'A'isha. She said: I have made over my day with you to 'A'isha. So Allah's Messenger (may peace be upon him) allotted two days to 'A'isha, her own day (when it was her turn) and that of Sauda.


Did u now understand my point of view, our mother Aisha was always jealous becasue she was young and full of energy, and our mother Sauda was patient and gave away her day to Our mother Aysha, why did our mother sauda do that? to please Allah(SWT) and The Prophet(SAW). Does that make our mother Aisha not pious or can we judge who is stronger in her Iman. Did u get my point now. May Allah forgive me if I was mistaken, and may Allah forgive u for misunderstanding me.


"Insha'Allah when Mr right comes along to marry me, I'm going to make my mehr and part of the marriage contract that he promises to always encourage me to be a better muslimah and to never re-marry while he's married to me."


I dont know about the underlined sister yasmin, I never heard that before, that u have the right to put that condition, can u fortify that with a hadeeth or fatwa sister, to make sure that u can make such a condition, thanking u for that, then u will add new information to us.


Wasalam


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But you did not make it seem that way in your post. Perhaps you were just angry at the time you composed it, but the way you sounded then.... there were only 2 options FOR ALL MEN. You lumped MY wonderful husband in with the scoundrels who are so sex-driven that they SEEMINGLY can't control themselves. You left no room for the possibility that there ARE men out there who are not like this

I did not lump your husband with anything Ronni, did I say anything bad about your husband, did i accuse him directly, I answered according to your post:


"Who would choose such a lifestyle of sharing your husband with someone else?"


U said that , didn't u, so I answered u back:


" And who could choose a lifestyle your husband having 10's of girlfriends behind your back, do u bear that ronni ?"


I said that, but I did not mean that your husband actually does that, I do not know him, how can I judge him. It was just to explain my point of view.

And no woman SHOULD have to take that. A man would never, NEVER, NEVER accept HIS wife being with another man. Why should a woman have to put up with that if she doesn't want to?

Ronni, from your point of view u c it that way, but in Islam it is different, and I think all of us explained that many times. But if a woman does not accept it, and wants to have a divorce it is her right and she can have it, no one will stop her.

Well, I don't know anything about this. Both are ridiculous to put up with. Neither is better than the other; they are equally as bad.

It is to u, but in Islam it is not, and we are not forcing that on u are we.?

Wrong. All wrong. NO WOMAN ACCEPTS this UNLESS she begins to convince herself that men just can't help themeselves or she thinks little of her own self. I will NEVER accept that men can't be satisifed with 1 woman, therefore I will never tolerate another wife OR a "chick on the side" and no woman in the world should, IMO.

I will not argue with u about that. it is your point of view, I respect it.

Thank you for saying that. I'm glad that this point is clarified; it just seemed that, in your mind, it was only 1 option or the other. But now I can see that you are NOT meaning to say that.

Alhamdulilah( Thank God), if people would read my posts, while they are not angry, they will understand what I mean. [img]style_emoticons/default/rolleyes.gif[/img]

Okay. I understand that Islam permits this. What I have seen, though, in these plural marriages is only more heartache, trouble, etc. than if 1 woman and 1 man would just stick to each other.
I think that any man who is truly sex-driven will never be satisfied even with 4 wives. Such men like the thrill and challenge of going after different women. They want to experience intercourse with all types of women with no strings attached. Having just 4 to choose from AND having to financially support them takes the "fun" out of it for such a person (if you can call them that). A good man is pleased to love and support his wife and cherish her and her only, not be driven my physical impulses to sleep with anything that comes his way.

Not always there is heartache and trouble, i know many plural marriages that are just fine and both or all 4 are happy. and u must know when Allah permitted 4, He put rules for that and strict rules, which I think were explained before. and the most important rule is to be just, so if he cannot then 1 is enough, and also financialy if he cannot support more than 1, then better not to take 2.

Perhaps another misunderstanding. I would never be here on an Islamic web site where I know that the prophet you love and admire and follow had multiple marriages. I would not make such a statement or implication like this.
I WILL say that any man who is just SO OUT-OF-CONTROL, that his hormones rule his life IS a dog. I mean, what's the difference except that he can speak with words and eat with a fork? Dogs go about trying to "conquer" whatever female dog is in heat.

Again your point of view, I respect it, but some men are just like that, so it is better that he put it in halal. but also such a situation Allah put rules for it if he cannot get married being poor, fasting.


Now I hope my point of view is clear, I was not attacking any1, I was explaining that polygamy is permissable in Islam, and the reasons for that fortified by Quran ans Sunnah. And I said if I was to be put in such a situation I would be patient and not ask for divorce. So is that a sin [img]style_emoticons/default/mellow.gif[/img]


Hasbiya Allah Wa ni'ma Al-Wakeel [img]style_emoticons/default/sad.gif[/img]


Peace


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[Muslimah]

Bismillah


as salam alykom


I fully agree with u Intution no one is allowed to judge whose Eman is weak, not for any reason.


.


If this was the case why are we allowed to stipulate in our marriage contract that if the husband takes a second wife the first is autmotically divorced. If it means weak Eman Allah Would never allow us this. If the man is allowed to take a second wife, the first is allowed to practice Sabr or get a divorce. I think what Radiyah meant was that she wishes women are able to take the chance and look at it as a test and get the reward since we are also adviced to avoid divorce as much as possible.


Of course I am not putting words in her mouth, but ....... [img]style_emoticons/default/smile.gif[/img]