Role of married couples In Islam

[sallly loves islam]

Jazallahu kairan sisters.


Ameen........


Its fine with me sister.......the reason i asked that questions is that i wan to learn more about the role of a woman to her husband and the role of the husband to his wife, we are about to start a islamic school.All of us are muslim converts and four of us are catholic nun before......

[Muslimah]

Bismillah


As for the importance of this matter of marriage in Islam we saw to dedicate this thread for it specially with the purpose of helping our sister Sally collect as much info as possible to use in the Islamic school

[Muslimah]

Bismillah


as salam alykom


Digging as Radiyah suggested, I found some nice articles on marriage may Allah makes them useful to all of us. I will copy them Insh a Allah, may be they are somehow long but they will serve as good education material Insh a Allah.


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Bismillah



Marriage in Islam 1/4


Praise be to Allah the All- Knower Who guided us to the truth and if it was not for Him we will never been guided and prayer and peace be upon our noble Prophet Mohamed.


I’m very pleased to have received few feed backs on the subject of marriage. However, I’d like very much to share part of my opinion with all of you and see how far does it relate to the present circumstances.


The media in general (songs, movies and even novels) made a major contribution in formulating people’s perception regarding the inter – gender relationship in two ways. First is that women (some of them and not all of course) may suffer inner problems when they face difficulty in finding a male partner. To them it is interpreted that they are not good enough to attract somebody like other women do. Second is that the media fosters a love affair stereotype rather than a marital relation image.


On the other hand some men look at the relation with the opposite sex as an added value factor. In other words, an evidence to their superiority for being able to attract a certain woman (regardless of the reasons behind her specialty: either beauty, authority, character, social position or else). Some men retain an over self-confidence quality which could be an output of their own position (career, wealth ..etc). This makes them feel that they deserve a super special female who could fit into their perfect picture. While movies, songs and novels introduce the perfect two mate picture who fall in love, go places, enjoy their time or face problems. As they face problems, the situation is portrayed to the audience as disastrous (as if life should not contain problems). It is presented as if one has lost everything.


Let us take such type of relationship as ground for a marriage. When two people finally make a decision to marry after an affair, problems usually occur due to several reasons. The woman expects to continue receiving the same level of attention from her male partner regardless of the real life circumstances that certainly differ from themes introduced in a song or a movie. While a man discovers that his wife is no more than an ordinary woman like all others. Both parties usually feel that the actual situation they face does not meet their high expectations, which naturally jeopardizes the marriage.


From this we conclude that people usually take their own personal qualities as criteria for their choices (who deserves what or I deserve the best). This makes men and women race to attain features that are recognized to be successful in each other’s eye.


While marriage stretches beyond the fact that it is merely two people who like each other and end up together. It is a mutual responsibility rather than just a source of pleasure.


In the next part we will start shedding light on the Islamic teachings in this regard.

[Muslimah]

<b>Bismillah
</b>


Marriage in Islam 2/4


Praise be to Allah and prayer and peace be upon His Messenger.


As for the Islamic teachings in this very important matter, we find that Allah in a very clear verse said “And among His Signs is this, that He created for you mates from among yourselves, that ye may dwell in tranquillity with them, and He has put love and mercy between your (hearts): verily in that are Signs for those who reflect.” Quran 30:21 (Al Rum). How may a couple attain the tranquillity included in this noble verse is the main question? We will move to the criteria brought to us by our Prophet (prayer and peace be upon him).


Abou Horayrra narrated that Prophet Mohamed (prayer and peace be upon him) said:” There are four purposes to marry a woman, her wealth, social position (her family), beauty and religion. Take the religious woman and you will be a winner” reported by Bukhary.


While he advised women in a hadeeth narrated by Abou Horayrra that the Prophet (prayer and peace be upon him) said: “When a man whom you agree to his level of religion and moral proposes to you accept his marriage. If you violate this rule temptation and corruption shall prevail on earth” reported by Termdhi.


Marriage means choosing your partner during the journey on earth which is not but a preparation for the day after. This partner will assist you to safely reach the desired final destination Insh a Allah (heaven). As mentioned in the verse both partners should be a source of tranquility to one another through the selection criteria explained in the two above mentioned hadeeth.


Now we said that marriage is a mutual responsibility. In this sense it is a responsibility on two levels: towards the community on one hand and the family members on the other.


Through marriage one should intend to satisfy Allah since it is the legitimate means to:


Formulate a family which is the nucleus of the community (that is where the responsibility towards the community lies):


Since the family is the main element of the community both partners should make sure to select one another in a way that serves this purpose. In other words choose the appropriate partner hopefully on the same wave length who will be concerned to observe Allah’s teachings in terms of:


The interrelationship: it is essential that both people do not enter into marriage perceiving it a battle over authority but rather a relation based on mutual understanding; remember the love and mercy mentioned in the verse. In this an abundant number of verses and hadeeth could clearly explain Allah’s guidance and the Prophet’s (prayer and peace be upon him) behavior in this regard.


Look to Allah as saying “O ye who believe ye are forbidden to inherit women against their will. Nor should ye treat them with harshness, that ye may take away part of the dower ye have given them, except where they have been guilty of open lewdness; on the contrary live with them on a footing of kindness and equity. If ye take a dislike to them it may be that ye dislike a thing, and Allah brings about through it a great deal of good.” Quran 4: 19. Only a pious man will observe and comprehend this verse and try to comply with it. This is complemented with a hadeeth saying: “Abou Horayrra narrated that the Prophet (prayer and peace be upon him) said that: A male believer should not fully reject a female believer, if he hated one part of her nature he may like another” reported my Muslim.


While in terms of the principles of the interrelation; Muslims are urged to adopt an amicable and tender oriented attitude between married couples. This is explicitly introduced in a number of hadeeth some examples will be brought as follows:


It was narrated by Zohair who said that Prophet Mohamed (prayer and peace be upon him) said: “ People who observe a just attitude are destined by Allah to sit on platforms made of light located on the right hand side of Allah – and Allah’s both hands are right. Those who maintain a faire attitude in their judgement, towards their families and whomever they have authority over” (reported by Muslim).


Men are encouraged to treat their wives well as in: It was narrated by Abou Horayrra that” Prophet Mohamed prayer and peace be upon him said: The believers who are the most complete in their faith are those who enjoy the best moral, and the best among you are those who treat their wives in the best possible manner” (reported by Termedhi). To set an example for this, our noble Prophet said: “ It was narrated by Aysha (may Allah be pleased with her) that the Prophet (prayer and peace be upon him) said: The best among you is this who treats his wife in the best possible manner and I’m the best among you to my wives, while if one of you died leave him” (reported by Termdhi).


In order to stress more on the necessity for a couple to maintain a loving and easy relationship including a time for entertainment, here is the prophetic example in this regard:


It was narrated by Aysha (may Allah be pleased with her) she said that the Prophet (prayer and peace be upon him) told her: I can realize when you are happy with me and when you are angry with me. She said I said how do you know, he said if you are happy with me you swear saying no in the name of Mohamed’s Lord while if you are not you would say no in the name of Ibrahim’s (peace be upon him) Lord. I said yes this is true but in the name of Allah I do not desert except your name” (reported by Ahmed). Look at the nice and friendly conversation taking place between the Prophet and his wife!! In another position he sets and example for the importance of sharing fun moments as in:” It was narrated by Aysha (may Allah be pleased with her) that she said: I raced with the Messenger of Allah (PAPBUH) and I wan the race” (reported by Ahmed). Furthermore, men are still urged to maintain a down to earth attitude towards their families as in: It was narrated that Alaswad said I asked Aysha (may Allah be pleased with her) how was the Prophet’s behavior when he comes to his house. She said he shares his families responsibilities, while he goes out on the time of prayer to pray” (reported by Ahmed). To the same meaning we also find that: It was narrated by Aysha (may Allah be pleased with her) that she said I was asked about the Messenger’s behavior in his house, I answered he is one of the human beings, he fixes his torn clothes, milks his sheep and serves himself”. (reported by Ahmed).


While for women the Prophet in an eloquent sentence summed up a female’s responsibility towards her husband: “It was narrated by Om Salama that she said that Prophet Mohamed (PAPBUH) said: Any woman dies while her husband is pleased with her is destined to heavens” (reported by Termdhi). Look at the deep meaning this comprehensive sentence bears. Pleases her husband, it included all aspects of the marital relation. But women should not look at this prophetic advice as a source of oppression, demeaning instruction or other negative feedback, which could be a result of a non-religious impact. You should first examine the instructions given to a man. Out of this you will be amazed to watch this harmonious relation based on a give and take attitude, far from selfishness or harshness or any other repulsive manner that could jeopardize the should exist emotions among a married couple. However, if you deeply examine the various instructions you will find that it could only work perfectly when the couple is devoted to one main goal of pleasing Allah In other words the source of love which will be the love of Allah. Which takes us back to the main criteria referred to on top.


In the next part we will continue on two more objectives of marriage.


May Allah accept all our deeds and allow us all utmost benefit of our knowledge and teach us what we do not know. Praise be to Allah and prayer and peace be upon His Messenger, his family, the companions and whoever followed him

[Muslimah]

<b>Bismillah
</b>


Marriage in Islam 3/4


Praise be to Allah and Prayer and peace be upon His Messenger Mohamed.


2. Maintain human kind through reproduction:


The second objective is reproduction (bringing children) and here where the responsibility towards the family member exists.


When two people unite in the name of Allah, they usually share common thoughts good enough to form necessary grounds to attain the desired goal. They are normally aware of the importance of children as a pivotal aspect of marriage. Naturally they are also consistent around the basic principles of bringing up those children. They should be capable of differentiating between loving their children and working hard to please Allah. Both aspects never contradict each other though, it is the perception of an individual that matters. Again we will emphasis that parents should love their children in the name of Allah. In other words, teach them mannerism, moral and ethics but from an Islamic perspective, in order to please Allah rather than the community. When parents teach their children that it is shameful to do this or that, children may violate the rules in the absence of their parents. But when they teach them that Allah is Present wherever they are, they will grasp the sense of the permanent Devin presence. However this should be coupled with a deep love to Allah, due to which, it will be easy to direct them.


Do not say such concepts are deep and hard to be absorbed by children. No children at young ages are very intelligent and could understand when the point is well and simply explained.


Furthermore, bringing up children requires parents’ efforts in two different directions:


Towards themselves: In Quran the attitude which protects your children is far from the prevailing trends these days, it says: “Let those (disposing of an estate) have the same fear in their minds as they would have for their own if they had left a helpless family behind: let them fear Allah, and speak words of appropriate (comfort)” Quran 4:9. And “Then they proceeded: until, when they came to the inhabitants of a town, they asked them for food, but they refused them hospitality. They found there a wall on the point of falling down, but he set it up straight. (Moses) said: if thou hadst wished, surely thou couldst have exacted some recompense for it” Quran 18:77 and the following verse explains why he (the righteous servant who met Moses as explained in Chapter 18 of the Quran) sat the wall straight” As for the wall, it belonged to two youths, orphans, in the town; there was, beneath it, a buried treasure, to which they were entitled; their father had been a righteous man: so thy Lord desired that they should attain their age of full strength and get out their treasure a mercy (and favour) from thy Lord” Quran 18:82. We could derive out of those three verses what is required from parents if they wish to have their children protected, they should themselves first adopt a pious attitude striving through all possible means to please Allah. He Will certainly protect their children and assist the parents bring them in the correct manner.


Towards their children: How to treat children, what to teach them, how far to provide for them are all major questions need to be answered. Fulfilling all of their requests does not prove loving your children. Allah will ask you in the day after, did you teach them to pray and the importance of prayer, and did you teach them the Quran, not to lie, not to cheat, not to harm others, not to be envious. All this should be introduced to children with the aim to satisfy Allah rather than the community. This will help you attain an important objective when children will learn to tame their ego at a young age in order to avoid reaching the status as described in the Quran” Seest thou such a one as taketh for his god his own passion (or impulse)? Couldst thou be a Disposer of affairs for him * Or thinkest thou that most of them listen or understand? They are only like cattle; nay, they are worse astray in Path.” Quran 25: 43-44 (AL FURQAN ). It will be much easier for them to avoid sinful action and seek Allah’s satisfaction by all means.


Children should learn that” Verily spendthrifts are brothers of the evil ones; and the evil one is to his Lord (himself) ungrateful.” Quran 17:27 which is further explained in “Make not thy hand tied (like a niggard's) to thy neck, nor stretch it forth to its utmost reach, so that thou become blameworthy and destitute” Quran 17:29. The Devin teachings are very clear urging for moderation in terms of spending. This will help parents establish the sense of appreciation into their children hearts. I know this could be hard for parents sometimes to afford something and not bring it just to enforce expenditure control. But when they remember that they are participating in formulating a human being hoping for the best it will be easy. When a child learns in an early age the sense of gratefulness, it will facilitate integration in the community.


As a couple succeeds in establishing this concept, it will be easy to take their children hands towards the deep respect to Allah which is followed in Quran by the command to respect, well treat and fully obey parents as in: “Thy Lord hath decreed that ye worship none but him, and that ye be kind to parents. Whether one or both of them attain old age in thy life, say not to them a word of contempt, nor repel them, but address them in terms of honour.” Quran 17:23 (AL ISRA'). Parents full respect is essential in Islam, through the fulfillment of Allah’s command children will gain tremendous benefit, which will reflect on their lives on a later stage. But it is best to be institutionalized on an early stage. Prophet Mohamed clearly explained this in a hadeeth “It is narrated on the authority of 'Abdullah bin Mas'ud, may Allah be pleased with him, who observed:


I asked Allah's Messenger (may prayer and peace be upon him) which deed was the best. He (the Holy Prophet) replied: The Prayer at its appointed hour. I (again) asked: Then what؟ He (the Holy Prophet) replied: Kindness to the parents. I (again) asked: Then what؟ He replied: Earnest struggle (Jihad) in the cause of Allah. I refrained from asking any more questions for fear of annoying him.” (reported by Muslim).


N.B. The word kindness here implies more than just the simple sense of kindness: it bears the sense of well treatment, obedience, and patience with them at all times and even more.


Another hadeeth confirms the same meaning” Abu Bakrah, may Allah be pleased with him, said:


We were in the company of Allah's Messenger (may peace be upon him) when he observed: Should I not inform you about the most grievous of the major sins؟ (The Holy Prophet) repeated it three times, and then said: Associating anyone with Allah, impiety to parents, false testimony or false utterance. The Holy Prophet was reclining, then he sat up, and he repeated it so many times that we wished that he should become silent.” ( reported by Muslim).


One of the useful methods in this regard is to attract children towards parents’ respect when parents explain that advice is introduced out of love rather than just practicing authority. To succeed in all of the above mentioned, parents should set an example as children usually need a role model to follow. Children are inclined in young ages to imitate and certainly they imitate parents who are to them the only source of information. In addition to parents being a role model, they should also introduce to children extra examples from among the Prophet’s (PAPBUH) companions for them to follow. They should be introduced in an attractive fashion that could create love and attachment at the children side deep enough for them to be eager to imitate instead of taking movie stars and singers as examples.


At the end we pray that” And those who pray, Our Lord! Grant unto us wives and offspring who will be the comfort of our eyes, and give us (the Grace) to lead the righteous” Quran 25:74 (AL FURQAN ).


May Allah accept all of our deeds strictly to Him and guide us towards the correct path

[Muslimah]

<b>Bismillah
</b>


Marriage in Islam 4/4


Praise be to Allah and prayer and peace be upon his messenger Mohamed.


In this message we will deal with the third objective of marriage from an Islamic perspective.


3. Legitimate satisfaction of the natural human need:


A human being is created to depend on various needs: food, drinking, air and like wise sex. Allah the Creator never Denies His servants their rights for such needs “Then, in their wake, We followed them up with (others of) Our messengers: We sent after them Jesus the son of Mary. And bestowed on him the Gospel; and We ordained in the hearts of those who followed him Compassion and Mercy, but the Monasticism which they invented for themselves, We did not prescribe for them: (We commanded) only the seeking for the Good Pleasure of Allah; but that they did not foster as they should have done. Yet We bestowed, on those among them who believed, their (due) reward, but many of them are rebellious transgressors.” Quran 57:27. He only regulated those needs. In this regulation, a major wisdom is implied. But since through our very modest ability of understanding, we will never realize the full wisdom of Allah, we will only try and grasp what could be derived. The need for food and drinking is regulated through the ritual of fasting. In this we demonstrate to Allah, and only to Him that we fully submit to His command when we cease eating and drinking since dawn till sunset. Not only that sex is regulated as well, since fasting entails to cease sexual practices too. But also sex is completely prohibited outside the framework of the wedlock. To this effect Allah, helped us as human beings to be capable to abide by this rule.


When we introduced the criteria to help men and women choose their partners, it urged both parties to choose the religious one. This does not imply though to discard the physical appeal factor, which is actually very essential to fulfill a man/woman’s desire. On the contrary the Prophet (prayer and peace be upon him) in another hadeeth said: Ibn Abbass narrated that Prophet Mohamed (prayer and peace be upon him) told Omar (may Allah be pleased with him): do you want me to tell you what is best for one to save as a fortune, a righteous woman whom if the man looked at her will be pleased, if he asked her something she will obey and if he went away she will respect his absence” reported by Aby Daoud. On the other hand a man is equally commanded to maintain an attractive appearance for his wife while at home specially. In this Allah makes sure that both partners are satisfied with each other in order to prevent illegitimate sexual practices. An example to this is the hadeeth narrated under the authority of Sohayb Al- Khayr who said that Prophet Mohamed (prayer and peace be upon him) said” the best dye you use for your hair is this black substance which enhances your women’s love to you and reflect a more dignified image to deter your enemy” (reported by Muslim). Women are commanded in Quran to keep an attractive appearance for their husbands as in:” And say to the believing women that they should lower their gaze and guard their modesty; that they should not display their beauty and ornaments except what (must ordinarily) appear thereof; that they should draw their veils over their bosoms and not display their beauty except to their husbands” Quran 24:31 (Al Nur) who have the right to see their wives in the best possible image. This is complemented in a hadeeth saying: “It was narrated under the authority of Gaber that the Prophet (PAPBUH) said” If a man returns back home from a trip in the evening, he should not surprise his wife in order to give a chance for her to pluck the extra hair in her body (since the husband was away) and comb her hair properly” (reported by Bokhary). This project the necessity of the attractive appearance and grooming for both sides as explained. Both partners should work their way in order to make themselves attractive, this help them both to maintain a healthy and satisfactory intimate relation. It is not only the duty of a female to be attractive in a man’s eyes, as the majority perceives. No a woman is also entitled to have a good-looking husband at home. The religious wisdom is very clear in this, it is for both parties to be fully satisfied in order to avoid looking at strangers as a fulfillment to the verse:” Say to the believing men that they should lower their gaze and guard their modesty: that will make for greater purity for them: and Allah is well acquainted with all that they do.” Quran 24: 30 (Al Nur). The intimate relation in Islam gains a major concern and is regulated by several principles, which are set to ensure the best outcome for both partners. Marriage success depends a great deal on the sexual relation that is why Allah assigned major reward for it. Look at this hadeeth “It was reported that Abi Dhar narrated that a number of Prophet Mohamed (SAW) companions said to the Prophet (SAW): Oh Messenger of Allah, affluent people gained all the reward, they pray as we do, fast as we do, give away money to the poor as Sadaqa. Prophet Mohamed said: Did not Allah assign to you what could be considered as Sadaqa: You are rewarded an equal reward of a Sadaqa each time you say Sobhan Allah, Alhamdul Lellah, or Allah u Akbar, enjoin good and forbid evil, also you receive equal reward of a Sadqa upon practicing the marital sexual relation. The companions said: Oh Messenger of Allah does one of us satisfies his lust and receives a reward. The Prophet (SAW) said: if one had satisfied his desire outside the framework of marriage, wouldn’t he bear a sin, equally if he seeks the legitimate means he would be rewarded for it” (Reported by Moslem). The essentiality of this part of the relation is derived from that it achieves the previous objective of having children. Allah also commanded Muslims to maintain major respect for this part of the marital life for it involves the privacy of the couple. This is described in the following verse: “- And how could ye take it when ye have gone in when ye have gone in unto each other, and they have taken from you a solemn Covenant?” Quran 4:21 and further explained in many hadeeth, we will introduce some of them as follows: Abu Sirma al-Khudri (Allah he pleased with him) reported Allah's Messenger (prayer and peace be upon him) as saying: The most important of the trusts in the sight of Allah on the Day of judgment is that a man goes to his wife and she goes to him (and the breach of this trust is) that he should divulge her secret.”.


Abu Huraira (Allah be pleased with him) reported Allah's Messenger (prayer and peace be upon him) as saying: By Him in Whose Hand is my life, when a man calls his wife to his bed, and she does not respond, the One Who is in the heaven is displeased with her until he (her husband) is pleased with her” (reported by Muslim). The hadeeth shows that Allah Would be displeased with a woman who refuses to fulfill her husband’s wish since by her refusal she is indirectly pushing him to commit sins which certainly displeasing Allah. While a woman’s right in the same regard is not ignored, she equally has the same need and therefore her right is equally guaranteed. A woman once went to Prophet Mohamed (prayer and peace be upon him) saying that she does not mean to criticize or complain against her husband but he is a man who fasts all the time and prays all night. The following hadeeth shows how the Prophet (PAPBUH) handled the problem. It was narrated under the authority of Aysha (may Allah be pleased with her) that Prophet Mohamed (PAPBUH) sent for Othman Ibn Madhoun (the woman’s husband) who responded to the message and came before the Prophet (PAPBUH). The Prophet (PAPBUH) asked him Oh Othman are you rejecting my Sunnah? He said no in the name of Allah, I seriously seek your Sunnah. So the Prophet (PAPBUH) commented as saying, I sleep and pray and night, I fast and not fast, and I have sex with women. Fear Allah Othman, your wife has a right over you, your guest has a right over you, and yourself has a right over you. So fast and not fast, pray at night and sleep” (reported by Abi Daoud). This insightful advise shows that the Prophet (PAPBUH) clearly understood the woman’s indirect complaint that her husband does not have a sexual relation with her which of course affects her moral negatively. This shows the significance of this relation for both parties. It demonstrates that both of them are entitled to satisfy their natural human desire as part of their creation. While they are even urged to maintain this part of the marital relation in order to please Allah. Islam is very clear in this specially protecting human rights. Look also at the wisdom carried in the following advice. In order for the human being to remember Allah at all times even during this situation when he/she is enjoying ultimate pleasure, there is a supplication to be said as follows: “Ibn" Abbas (may Allah be pleased with them) reported that Allah's Messenger (PAPBUH) said: If anyone amongst you intends to go to his wife he should say: In the name of Allah, 0 Allah protect us against Satan and keep away the Satan from the one that you have bestowed upon us, and if He has ordained a child for them, Satan will never be able to do any harm to the child.”.


However, we could still say that only pious Muslims (male or female) will be concerned to comply with all of the above mentioned realizing the major importance and respect associated with this relation.


So we could conclude that piety coupled with other factors such as physical appeal as well as social compatibility would hopefully with the support of Allah make a successful marriage.


At the end we know that such a wide ranged subject could not be fully covered, however, it is best to strive and tackle part of it rather than leave it all together.


I supplicate to Allah to accept this deed strictly in His name, grant success and continuity to all marriages and forgive any shortcomings in this research.

[sallly loves islam]

Mashaallah sisters......


we will apreaciate all this materials...may Allah (swt) bless and reward all of you....


And this will help me too, in making my married life more successful Insha'allah

[Muslimah]

Bismillah


Alhamdulelah may Allah accept and help us all be on the correct path.

[radiyah]

Bismillah


Alsalam 'alaykom


Ma sha' Allah great digging sister Muslimah, Jazaky Allah khayr, it will take us a bit time to read but it is worth it jazaky Allah khayr


Wasalam 'alaykom wa rahmat Allah

[Muslimah]

Bismillah


as salam alykom


I know but as Sallay requested this can serve as educational material. Ok this is what happens Radiyah when u ask for digging and that is what Sally asked for didnt u Sally u wanted material ok here u go girls.


o by the way Sally we have an only sisters room, do u want me to give u access???