A Common Problem I Notice Alot Lately.....

[NewBeginning]

I thought I was the only one who asked the question a long time ago..... but I've been noticing in other forums.... that women are married to non-muslim men, and are unable to revert unless they get a divorce.


What I don't find reasonable..... is that there are women.... who really want to take their shahada..... and they can't..... why break up a family and mess up kid's lives?


I'm sure people can go on living their lives and that God knows what's in their hearts... but reading something today reminded me of how I felt. That was actually the reason I decided to forget about reverting..... because it's never going to be possible.


I'm married to a Catholic man, there is now way in heaven or earth he would be a muslim.... he hates religion... and he has deeper negetive feelings for muslims. I have two small children, 5, and 3. Divorce is the only way? Why would a whole family be broken up like that?


There are women all around the world who have this problem. But I have to ask a question.....


If I said that I wanted to make shahada right now..... what would you say? No, I'm sorry you have to go to hell because you won't get a divorce? Would anyone refuse me or any Christian married woman for that matter?

[NaSra]

Salam Shaunee


If you have looked deep down within yourself and you truly believe that Islam is the true religion, then you shouldn't delay your shahada. Specially because of circumstances that you have no control over ie your husband etc.

If I said that I wanted to make shahada right now..... what would you say? No, I'm sorry you have to go to hell because you won't get a divorce? Would anyone refuse me or any Christian married woman for that matter?

I personaly would encourage you to say your shahada right now and right after you utter the last words of your shahada guess what I would do? I would hug you and kiss you too, and say to you Asalamalaykum Sister and welcome to Islam The exact way we way are supposed to greet our sister in islam.


Shaunee, don't look too far ahead into the future, all you know now is that you want to take your shahada, use that opportunity and let Allah sort out everything else for you. Divorce is not the only way, take it easy InshaAllah. WHo knows Allah might soften your husbands heart and he might accept you, and perhaps even join you. Think Positive Sister, just because some houses got wrecked because one spouse wasn't willing to accept the other spouse, doesn't mean that you'll be in the same situation too.


Look after yourself

[Anyabwile]

Yeh it's a tough one, my situation was i'd been with my girlfriend for nearly seven years. And we had a daughter near the end of it. It was seven very tough years, we had a <b>lot</b> of problems but love kept us together, we did have problems but i guess everyone does. When i found Islam, i embraced it fully. I'd found the word of God and had to make a choice. I couldn't continue living with my girlfriend unless she'd marry me of course. The funny thing is, all the time leading up to me finding Islam, we used to laugh at marriage "no need to get married just a bit of paper" we'd say. But obviously now i thought different, so it was no suprise to me when i told her i was Muslim and she said she's not getting married because we don't need to. I pleaded and pleaded but then realised if she doesn't wish to become Muslim herself, if it's not in her heart...then i don't want to force her, she has to love Allah, and she was Agnostic, she just couldnt/wouldnt belive. And i understood her position because i was in it with her before.


I just had to sit down, have many many long nights to myself thnking who do i love more, who is more important to me my girlfriend or God, who gave me my girlfriend my life, my daughter my eyes to see the very existance around me, and who will support me in the hurtful times after we split. There can never be a comparison as soon as you love something more than God, you elevate that thing to a position higher than God. Sure i know some will say it's a different kind of love but that's a cop out in a way. We all know what love is and we all feel the different degrees of love in my opinion.

I'm married to a Catholic man, there is now way in heaven or earth he would be a muslim.... he hates religion... and he has deeper negetive feelings for muslims. I have two small children, 5, and 3.  Divorce is the only way?  Why would a whole family be broken up like that?

When you say he hates religion, you mean he isn't practising Catholic? God should be your primary concern. My girlfriend wouldn't embrace Islam, and i never forced her to because i know she hates religion, passionately. But saying that, the choice had to be made, i'm not going to put my girlfriend before Allah never, how could i?? So we ended on good (ish) terms. Sure we were having problems but we always had problems, at the end of the day, you have to ask your self is your Muslim and Arab hating (as i belive you said in another post) husband more important to you than your God? If he is the sole reason from stopping you becoming fully Muslim then may i suggest your love for God isn't strong enough and perhaps it might be best you stay catholic. If i wasn't Muslim i'd still be with my girlfriend now probably, but God means too much to me.


Now it's been a long while since me and my girlfriend been togther and i see my daughter many times a week and although the loss is still there in my heart, Allah is making it less painful. The choice is yours of course, i know how difficult it is. But i knew it was a test for me, my first test as a Muslim was my hardest one. Now it all seems to be working out fine. Allah has took me from a Muslim in my room with no friends, to a Muslim who has nearly ten good Muslim friends including my friends on this board in a short space of time. I'm also going to Mosque for the first time tommorow to break fast...if i gain the courage to walk in


All of this is showing me that really now i can think back on it, we weren't right for each other in that kind of way, but at the time you don't see that. Allah came first for me, and will always. Because i emrbaced Allah he has made things so good for me, i'm enjoying life again man! Now all i need insha allah is that perfect wife and marriage! Honestly Shaunee, have you had time to be alone and think about it? I found that helped me the most. On a weekend, try and get some time free and just go for a walk or get some space...it helps a LOT, you will start to feel God even more when your head is clear, then the decision will be made easier. That's what helped me decide....time alone with God. We rarely get it these days but try and find that time.

[umm Zachariah]

Salam Shaunee,


All our lives we are put into tests and diffuculities, ALL the time. No one of us will escape that, no matter who we are or what we believe in.


Brother Anya has so fresh in memory one of his most difficult struggles. When having children I think it even makes it more difficult. He is hurting, but he understands that he had no other alternative, since he has discovered that he loves Allah, SWT more than anything else. And that is true faith. Then you know HE will support you whatever happens. He will always be there for you. And that makes your heart at ease since you don't longer have to 'live on a lie'.


IF you FEEL deep in you heart that the right path to follow in this life is Islam, I think, even if you TRY to live as normally as possible together with your husband, and then you must supress your true self, it surely will work out fine for a while, but I am also quite possible that the time will come when things are going a bit out of hand. I don't say that to be rude or make you sad, but when true faith find its way to the heart, it is IMPOSSIBLE to take two positions. It becomes like eating the cake and still want to have it. And then things gets troublesome. So then I think that if not sooner then later you have to make this choice anyway. And later could make it more difficult.


So just try to have in mind, that you will not be alone in these difficulties. First of all you have Allah, SWT that is guiding you through the difficulties, then you have your brothers and sisters to turn to. And almost everyone that reverts to Islam has gone through more or less struggles to fulfill their wish to follow their hearts desire.


Just one memory, a sister that reverted at the same time as I did, when she told her mother she was had embraced Islam, her mother got upset and told her 'If you at least would have told me that you had become drug addict, THAT I could have accepted'. So by this I want also to say that it will not be easy, but that you already seem to have figured out. But I can assure you, if your heart belongs to Allah, SWT, you will eventually wisk away these matters as less important.


We will be here for you, insha'Allah whenever you need our support.


Salam

[Anyabwile]

IF you FEEL deep in you heart that the right path to follow in this life is Islam, I think, even if you TRY to live as normally as possible together with your husband, and then you must supress your true self, it surely will work out fine for a while, but I am also quite possible that the time will come when things are going a bit out of hand. I don't say that to be rude or make you sad, but when true faith find its way to the heart, it is IMPOSSIBLE to take two positions.

Yes yes what you write above is so true sister. It's like once you find Allah, even if you say to yourself or try to convince yourself it hasn't affected you and try to go on living as you were before, deep down it is always there, it's like finding Allah unlocks the door to true living. And that door forever more stays open, waiting for you. The more time you take to go through that door of Islam, the heavier your heart becomes. Because you've found Allah yet not submitted completely which is the final perfect state. Umm has an amazing way with words with things like this


Allah is the greatest, right now i'm going to see my daughter i can't wait, things havent worked out where i'm together with my girlfriend as i said but i'm lucky, i havent had to have my children cut off from me. Allah put understanding into my girlfriends heart. I know for some it is different, but Allah knows best. Allah supported me all through this, you just see things around you happening that you know are from Allah it's amazing. A test, and at times so so so difficult but everyday Allah humbles me so much with his gifts he's given to us.


Like i said, get time to your self and see how you feel.

[umm Zachariah]

Assalamu aleikum,


Brother Anya, thanks for your kind words, but if you don't know it you are rather good with words, just read this again;


''It's like once you find Allah, even if you say to yourself or try to convince yourself it hasn't affected you and try to go on living as you were before, deep down it is always there, it's like finding Allah unlocks the door to true living. And that door forever more stays open, waiting for you. The more time you take to go through that door of Islam, the heavier your heart becomes. Because you've found Allah yet not submitted completely which is the final perfect state.''


So true.


So Shaunee if you have read this, it says a lot.


And also these, so beautifully said by my brother;


''Allah supported me all through this, you just see things around you happening that you know are from Allah it's amazing. A test, and at times so so so difficult but everyday Allah humbles me so much with his gifts he's given to us. ''


Humbleness is so vital in this, since it starts in your heart, Allah, SWT puts it there. And it cannot be refused, it is like Allah, SWT is 'ringing the bell' and you just have to rush up to answer it.


Brother I hope you had a nice and memorable time with your little daughter that you love so much. To carry with you until you meet her next time, insha'Allah.


Wasalam

[Muslimah]

Bismillah


as salam alykom


Mash a Allah my brother and sisters u touched my heart deeply


Shaunee, I dont think I have anything to add. Just this word, if u feel deep inside your heart for sure that Allah Is One, Mohamed is His Messenger and Prophet, Eassa (Jesus) is His Servant, Messenger and Prophet, I sincerely advice u to take shahada and never delay. No one knows when his/her time is up. Seize the chance now before it is too late. The One Who brought this light into your heart Is more than Capable to arrange your matters for the best.


May Allah Support u, watch closely over u in this moment. I know how u feel, I am not a revert but Sobhan Allah I do know how all reverts feel.

[NewBeginning]

Well..... everyone that I have talked to so far (besides here) has thrown one hadith after another at me saying that I'm not allowed to be a Muslim and be married to my husband.


I can't get a divorce. That would traumatise everyone's life. Would my shahada even be valid if I continue to stay married?

[NewBeginning]

Also...... I forgot to add...... thank you everyone for your answers and advice.

[Dan]

Bismillah


As Salam alaikum


It is amazing about Islam. You are a muslim when you say that you are. There were people who only said the Shahada at the time of the Prophet just for political reasons. They were still considered muslims. Allah Knows Best but I for one believe that you are a muslim when you believe what you say. Take one step at a time. Don't let another day pass without declaring your faith if you truly believe it in your heart. Allah Will Help you the more you open your heart to Him.


As Salam alaikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatu