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Quality Time With Dad - AbuMubarak - 09-27-2004
This article presents the current relationship between a father and a child in this fast paced and time constraint society and provides many practical advises on how to improve this relationship to benefit the whole family.
It has been estimated that working fathers spend about 3 minutes a day with their children.
Fathers who abandon their families, fathers who rarely see their children because of divorce, and fathers who are busy and have very little or nothing to do with the raising of their children are common.
Dad gets up early, takes the long drive to work, gets off late, takes the long drive home, and gets home very tired. He just wants to have dinner, relax a little, and go to bed so that he can repeat the same routine the next day. Every now and then, he tells himself that he will spend more time with his children tomorrow.
"But Muslims aren't like that," you say.
Perhaps.
How much time do you spend with your children in the day? Not just in the same house, but together - really together.
A popular American song by Harry Chapin tells the sad story of a boy who always tries to spend time with his father, but always finds him too busy. When the boy grows up and the father gets older, the father always wants to spend time with his son, but his son always has other things to do.
Quality time spent between a father and his children is essential for both the parent and the children. The children need to know that their father loves and cares for them, and the father needs to be careful that he doesnصt lose his relationship with his children by neglect.
Tips to Improve Father-Child Relationship
There are several ways a father can spend quality time with his children and develop a relationship with them. Even if he is extremely busy, he can probably free up enough time to do some of these things.
Show your children in simple ways that you love them.
Some fathers try to appeal to their children by showering them with gifts rather than giving of themselves. This may cause more harm than good. The simple example of Prophet Muhammad is much better, may Allah's peace and blessings be upon him. When his daughter Fatima (May Allah be pleased with her) would come to him, the Prophet used to stand up, kiss her, take her hand, and give her his seat. Later in life, this personal type of affection will be much more memorable to children than receiving a gift that anyone could have given them.
Tell or read your children stories on some nights before bed.
There are lots of excellent Islamic stories and books available that you can use, or you can make up your own. At the same time, you will be helping your children develop Islamic character. SoundVision sells a vast selection of Islamic children's books. A twist on this idea is to ask your children to make up stories to tell you.
Play with your children sometimes.
You could play ball, color pictures, build toy houses from blocks, or do whatever they like.
Let your children help you with simple tasks.
Allow them to help you carry in the groceries, make dinner, or mow the yard. Children often get great joy from doing things that adults consider work.
Take the family to for a picnic.
Spend time with your children playing Frisbee, passing a ball, or pushing them in the swings. Your children will cherish this special time together as a family.
Help your children with their homework.
Show them that you are truly interested in their education and life by asking them what they did in school and looking at their books, projects, and assignments with them.
Have at least two meals a week as a family.
Use driving time with your children.
Don't just turn on the news and forget your children when they are in the car with you. Talk or joke with them, or sing Islamic songs together.
Give your small children a bath sometimes.
Usually, mothers bathe the children, but bath time is an excellent opportunity for fathers to be with their kids. Let them splash around and play a little more than mom does.
Teach your children to make wudu and pray with you.
If at home, praying together as a family Jamat is better than praying alone. Children love to call azan. Make the youngest one the salat manager at home, taking care of prayer rugs, timing, and inviting everyone to salat.
Take your children to the masjid with you.
This is an excellent way for you to build a relationship with them as both a father and a Muslim.
Be available for your children, and let them know that you are there for anything they want to discuss.
If you are not available to talk to your children, somebody else probably will be, and it may be the wrong kind of person. A good way of getting to know your children better as individuals is to take them out one at a time for eating, conversation, or some other event.
Practice talking with your child, not at him.
Since the father often takes the main responsibility for disciplining the children, it is very easy for fathers to merely become order-givers rather than parents and companions of their children. Spend some time listening, rather than talking.
We only have one chance to be with our kids before they grow up. If we want them to love us and respect us when we are old, we have to build those relationships while they are young.
Fathers usually don't have the time to devote to their children that mothers do. But if we make the little time we have with our children quality time, we still might be able to build enduring relationships with them before it's too late.
source: themodernreligion.com
امة الله رابعه بنت الاسلام
Ammatullah Rabiah Bint ul Islam
Group Moderator.. http://groups.yahoo.com/group/islam_peace_and_understanding
Quality Time With Dad - AbuMubarak - 09-28-2004
What does the word FAMILY mean?
It means Father And Mother I Love You, lihubbillaah!
What is a Family? In his article, "The Family As A Cradle For Human Society" Shaykh Muhammad Saleem Dhorat wrote the following - quote: "Muslims have been blessed with a religion which specifies roles with guidelines to the creation of an ideal society, wherein the needs of all its members are taken care of; a society whose collective and individual aim is to surrender to the Will of Allah, Who is the Creator and the Provider of all, and who cares for the needs of all His creations. The Qur'aanic directives are quite specific about the responsibilities of all human beings as well as the regulations concerning the responsibilities of parents towards their children." - unquote.
The Islamic family has a mother who considers the care for her children not as a part-time job but as one of her foremost duties, and a father who according to the patriarchal nature of Islam, is an Imam for the family on whose shoulders rests the religious responsibility of the family. "He must, as Syed Abul A'la Maududi puts it so beautifully, “uphold the tenets of faith and his authority symbolises that of Allah in the world. The man is in fact respected in the family precisely because of the sacred total function he fulfils. The rebellion of Muslim women in certain quarters of Islamic society came when men themselves ceased to fulfil their religious function and lost their virile and patriarchal character."
Establishment of an Islamic ethos in the home is the parental responsibility. Children do contribute to that, according to their age and maturity. When rituals and spirit of Islam are consciously cultivated and practised in a family, they create a dynamic and happy environment where each member guards the other from evil. This gives rise to a positive learning atmosphere in the society. A family, where this spirit is constantly kept alert, will be the best guarantee for a sound Islamic society because it enables all family members to assume their vicegerent consciously. And this one of the most important purposes of family life.
The Prophet Sall Allahu alayhi wa sallam said:
"Mothers, fathers, teachers, and the society as a whole, will all be accountable in front of Allaah about the tarbiyyah (education and upbringing) of this generation. If its tarbiyah is good, then there will be happiness - both in this world and the Hereafter. If it is not, then there will be misery, and it will be a rope around your necks - since there occurs in the hadeeth: “Each of you is a shepherd, and each of you will be questioned about those who you are responsible for.” [Related by al-Bukhaaree (13/111) and Muslim (no. 1829)]
I would like to introduce you to the Abdullah family. They are a loving and caring family, whose interaction with their child is exemplary, established on mutual understanding, the exchanging of views and co-operation. Positive parents make sure that what they impart to their child is smooth and Islamically sound.
I have also attached below is a discourse "The Future of our Children and our Responsibility" prepared and delivered by Shaykh Muhammad Saleem Dhorat at the international seminar of intellectuals inaugurated by World Islamic Forum at Conway Hall London, on 15th August, 1993.
May Allah Subhanahu wa Ta'ala guide and grant us wisdom and patience in carrying out our parental responsibilities.
Fi Amman Allah
Uhktuki Fil Islam
K a r i m a
The Abdullah Family
The Road to Success
The Abdullahs are a good practising Muslim family. In this story Hadi, their nine year old son, is worried about all his tests and examinations at school. He loves school, but play and sports seem to him easier and more comfortable than the idea of success and competition in class. He wants his beloved parents to help him in this matter and here is his story:
Hadi: How can I always be successful, dad?
Father: I think that the best way to tell you about success is by looking at its definition in the Qur'an
Mother: Do you remember Surah Al-Shams (The Sun) which you studied last year? In it you read: "By the soul and the proportion and order given to it, and the enlightenment as to its wrong and its right. Truly he succeeds that purifies it, and he fails that corrupts it".
Hadi: I am asking about success at school, mum!
Father: Yes we know. We believe that real success can only be achieved if one controls himself and guides himself to the right path. If you do this you succeed not only at school but in all your life.
Hadi: What do you mean by controlling and guiding myself?
Father: You see, our life is a test . It is like a big school. If we make tazkiah to ourselves as the Qur'an tells us, we pass the test and we are rewarded with Jannah - the paradise. If we fail to do so we are punished and sent to jahanam or hell.
Mother: Certainly, Hadi would like to go to Jannah!
Hadi: Yes mum, but I also would like to succeed in my school and be among the best.
Father: I think that if you make tazkiah you will do better at school
Hadi: What is tazkiah, dad?
Father: Tazkiah in Arabic means two things: it means to purify oneself from all bad ideas and deeds and it also means to grow and develop a good faith and a good character.
Hadi: I understand now. If I make tazkiah to myself I will develop myself and become better at school.
Mother: Not only at school but in everything you do. It is for this reason that your dad and I have sent you to an Islamic school. We hope that the school will help us in building in you a good character.
Hadi: Thank you very much mum and dad. I know that you wish me the best in this life and in the hereafter. Now tell me, how can I make tazkiah to myself?
Father: This is a lifelong process Hadi, because all our life is a test as I have just explained to you. You need to study the Qur'an and the life and traditions of the Prophet Sall Allahu alayhi wa sallam and follow his example. You need to be a good practising Muslim in all your deeds. You should try all your life to strengthen your faith with good deeds in order to reach the levels of Ihsan and that is, as Prophet Muhammad Sall Allahu alayhi wa sallam explained: "to worship Allah as if you see Him, and if you see him not, He sees you."
Hadi: Is there a practical way that helps me in this long journey?
Mother: Yes, try your best to be sincere to Allah in everything you do, in your prayer as well as in your study and work.
Hadi: I shall try my best. I pray to Allah of succeed at school and in all my life.
Mother: May Allah accept you among His good worshippers.
Hadi: I am only worried that I may forget.
Father: Allah will always remind you of Himself. If you like, you can do what my teacher taught me when I was your age.
Hadi: What did he teach you, dad?
Father: He gave me a list which he called Deeds Management. At the end of each day, before I go to sleep, he told me to answer all the questions about my deeds during the day. If I answered 'Yes' to all or most of the questions it means that I have done many good deed and avoided many bad ones. I should be happy and thank Allah for that. If more No's' are there it means that I have failed in my daily Islamic duties and I have to ask forgiveness from Allah and try my best to do better the next day.
Hadi: Can you prepare me a similar list, please?
Father: Yes, of course I will, son ....