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What has gone wrong with our Muslim youth? - PUPPET - 05-02-2006
There has been an outcry from the Muslim community here in South Africa, that “our” youth
Are not living “Islamic / Shariah Lifestyles” and that we have been at the fore front of issues like– Gangsterism, Drug abuse, clubbing, Pre-marital sex, Divorce, among other issues that were not prevalent (to such a degree) a few years ago
Most people allude to the problem of Poor Parenting:
I feel the following are issues:
Double standards in beliefs and practise. EG: A mother who backbites, lies, does not read salaah will ask her daughter to wear a scarf – will a child respect someone who says one things yet does another.
Paradigm shift – Muslim family units are now broken, the role of a mother has shifted to the liberated office worker - We leave a Child in the company of a Maid, TV and an Empty home, Void of guidance
Role models are no longer Saints, Prophets Sahaaba, but Bollywood Actors , Hollywood stars , ect …..
Westernization: Eating, dressing……
What has gone wrong with our Muslim youth? - PUPPET - 05-02-2006
Feedback
<b>I am a stay at home mum who is attempting to raise her child the right way</b>. My 3 year daughter complains that mummy is tooooo strict because I discourage the use of bad language, music, dancing, open dressing and all such evils. I do encourage Reading namaaz, Quraan, Kalimas, Suras, manners, Cleanliness and so on. My husband and I take time to put her to bed at night and tell her to tell Allah most high that she loves him and Muhammed (S.A.W)...... I unfortuately am called all sorts of names for my endeavours.
<b>...most of the kids that are involved in all these items are from wealthy families.</b> The worst part is that the parents are in denial and give their children too much room. Also the parents don't set good examples. The fathers have mistresses and second wives for lust, the mothers spend the fathers money on shopping and western influences. They leave the chidren to fend for themselves and expect the schools to teach the children Islam when it's their duty.
We have failed to inculcate the wonder of Islam in our children because we have failed to instill in them the history of the muslim world. We offer them no alternatives but the hope that they will discover Islam by themselves.
<b>I am 24 years old, female and a student at the University of Johannesburg,</b>
Through my years I have noticed that children in primary school or in high school who do drugs, go clubbing, etc do not have the firm hand of their parents, as you have said parents are either to busy working and not able to teach their children the Islamic way of life and kids go astray with their friends (non-muslims) or parents are ignorant of islam to teach their kids... also another factor is parents want to give their kids everything they did not have when they were young so they spoil them and then when its too late parents are unable to control their children..... As well as peer pressure from friends have a great impact on kids, parents must get involved in knowing their kids friends.
<b>I find that in our community the people are very arrogant and have such high opinions of themselves</b>.
They act untouchable. You actually have parents with money covering up for there children when they do wrong. What does this teach our kids. It is okay to do wrong as daddy and mummy will sort it out. I think this is the biggest problem. The men from the community do not want there names tainted or there reputation spoiled as they are an affluent part of society and cannot have everyone know what there kids are up to. When these parents are confronted about what there kids are up to, they will deny it completely instead of getting to the bottom of the problem.
I think we need to target these so called affluent men in our community and make them understand that they are not helping the youths but in fact they are helping them go on the wrong track. Parents need to start taking responsibility for they children's behaviour.
Parents are ignorant of what their children are upto.
Parents regard their children as angels. They trust them with loads of money and let them out with friends at night thinking that their children will behave.
Parents are afraid to say NO to their children.
Do not encourage the Western view that children should be allowed 'FREEDOM'.
Just because a child is 17 or 18 years , does not mean that they cannot be disciplined.
Parent's of today have no consideration toward the care of daughters. The daughters are being given clothing that is totally un-Islamic. Which I feel is the start of all our problems.
<b>Because we as parents do not have enough time to spend with our kids, due to working constraints, we try to make up for the difference by spoiling our kids with money, phones and everything that they ask for.</b>
I feel ashamed of living in the so called Muslim communities such as Mayfair. People have forgotten what is hawa. Fathers walk with their daughters in the market wearing mini skirts or tight clothing. With mother just as scantly dressed. Muslims are allowing their children to bring home lovers.
....parents should be able to communicate with their children at a level where that kids are comfortable enough to approach them.
It is sad that today's law prohibites parents from disciplining children, because it now can be recognised as CHILD ABUSE, but the slaps and disciplining I received in my youths did not make me rebellious or I did'nt feel that my parents did'nt love me enough. It made me a better person, I look at life in a more objective manner, questioning right from wrong.
<b>I'm a policemen and let me tell you that what that doctor has seen is JUST A TIP OF THE ICE BERG
.</b>What's happening on the streets of this country with our MUSLIM kids is revolting to say the least.....P.S Let us not be fooled,many parents out there know exactly what is going on,may it be on the streets of this country or with their kids. SADLY they refuse to accept that their kids have problems and that could ultimately be the downfall of our youth.
I am the only person working in our house and my wife stays at home so that the kids can have someone to look after them and see to their school and madressa needs. We, Alhamdulillah, make it on my salary and we are content with what our Merciful Creater has provided.
I am 24 years of age and know many MUSLIM adults of my age (that are married and have children) who go out to raves and clubs and take drugs and party all night while their children stay with their grandparents. What example are these young parents making to their children and I hate to think what these children will grow up to be like one day.
We have to make them realise that Allah is real & we will have to face him on the day of qiyaamat. We as parent should first bring deen in our lives then Insha Allah deen will come in the lives of our children.
<b>I am a female muslim youth who would like to contribute to the article....three girls aged between 12-13 entered high school </b> which is grade 8, four months into the year, they fell pregnant and the father's were in matric and out of school. The boys denied having any relation with the girls and moved away. Two girls had an abortion and the third had the baby at 13 years of age.
Parents, WAKE UP!! please, discipline our children, HOW? Don't let them go out with friends, Islamically, it is wrong, modern belief systems permit going out for a movie or supper. Supper? how can you let your daughters which are treasured gifts from Allah Ta'aala go out at night? Why are you giving them money unnecessarily? Why do they need cellphones at the age of 14? Why are you allowing tight clothing which attract the opposite sex? what are you doing? Have we forgotten where we came from and where we going to? Are we that carried away in this playground called the "world"? and what are we rewarded with? Our daughters engaging in sexual behaviour, being raped, being assaulted, falling pregnant? Why are you surprised? Dont be because its happening everyday,
Tough love is the best form of discipline, DONT allow your young daughters to leave the house with friends, cloth them respectfully, they might hate you now but will be forever thankful...every parent was a youth, and every youth becomes a parent so don't be afraid to be strict. In this fast-paced world with its fitnah, we have no other choice. What our children are before our eyes are beautiful but Allah ta'aala knows their capabilities in our absence.
The foundation of a good home is a mother who is there for her children when they need her, and who is able to lend moral support to her husband in spite of all difficulties. This is what Islam teaches us.
Most of the parents that you refer to... in their own opinion, they have valid escuses... no matter how much you talk to them... It's like a brick wall. Escapism.
It pains me to see Muslim mothers allowing their mukallaf daughters walking around in revealing and tight fitting clothing in the name of fashion.
I am a social worker for the past 9 years and have done numerous volunteer works in the community. I acknowledge first hand from experience and cases I have dealt with that the contents in your Part 1 is true. I am sometimes embarrassed when I am asked by colleagues why I do not participate in certain activities when they witness these very incidents. I am required constantly to DEFEND ISLAM and what our community practices.
That is why parents if you do suspect something is going on, rather try & help your child instead of ignoring the situation because of your pride.
The moment the child starts school, the child automatically becomes to tired to attend afternoon maddressah but the same parents will enrol their children in extra curricular activities after school as this event is not tiring.
I am a mother of a 7 month old boy, who has chosen to leave a high-powered, high-salary job in order to take care of my son as I believe that I am the only one who can correctly teach him all about life's daily tasks during his formative years. This has been a difficult decision for my husband and myself to make as the pressure is now on him to adequately provide for our family, whereas before this task was shared. I have established a small agency at home where I do freelance conference organising work.
Instill simplicity, obedience, tolerance, etc and relate stories of the Prophet (SAW) and all the Sahabas (the simple, pious, God frearing, humble and poverity stricken lives that they lead). Set an example. Do not be competitive in this world. Remember we are here on a very short visit. Always prepare for the hereafter. Make the hereafter a better abode for yourself. Whatever you do, remember to please Allah (SWT). Inshallah both parent and child will be victorius in this world and the hereafter. Be concious and proud of the Islamic code of dress. Identify yourself as a Muslim. Parents should be role models and set examples for their children.
I think the problem with our youth stems from the fact that many married couples, who are in their thirties and have children that are teenagers frequent night clubs regularly. So the children obviously are not going to see the wrong in it, because their parents aren't setting a good example in the first place.
I wanted, but I surely did get the little that I needed. I didn't get to go out with friends often, never got new shoes and clothing every month, pocket money was only available on Eid, no fancy birthday parties with jumping castles and costumes, no computer games and certainly no TV in my room. There wasn't any McDonalds, Steers or Kentucky meals, but I always went to bed with a full tummy. At age 21, I didn't get a new car or my own flat. What I did get was Quran lessons when dad stepped in from work everyday, also Aadaab and Akhlaaq were taught to me and so was Solaah and Saum. From Mom I received ample doses of love, affection and good Islamic morals and etiquette
<b>I am a Muslim parent (Mother)</b> + professional (Medical practioner)
with 3 teenage daughters and a 7 year old son who has experienced what you are describing in this article in my own home / family. I can give you pages of feedback and my personal opinion about causes.
Dont allow your child to go out alone if we know what's happening, be strict, tough love is the only form of discipline and they will realise your reasons later on in life. Sadly but truly, the youngsters today are being exposed to so many unlawful things at a very, very young age. Three girls who entered high school, which is grade 8, fell pregnant three months into the year by firstly getting a boyfriend and secondly, going out for a movie with "friends" - 19 year old muslim female
We need to encourage communication between parents and children on current topics.
Parents first need to correct themselves before preaching to their kids.
Finally, its up to the parents to direct their children and to realize that direction does not mean imprisonment. Find out what your kids enjoy and support them in that - sports, art, creative courses. That way their free time is spent constructively. Its idle minds that lead to mischief. And most importantly, the home must be a safe and secure environment. Parents must love each other and respect one another, and act as a team with the child. Whatever the one says must be supported by the other.
Exacerbating the problem is the conception that we need to give our children more and more freedom. My own opinion is that this is completely false: what we need to give our children is direction, purpose, and a sense of what is right and what is wrong.
What has gone wrong with our Muslim youth? - Muslimah - 05-03-2006
Bismillah
As salam alykom
Jazakum Allah khairan Puppet for this post