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Realize the taste of closeness: - Muslimah - 08-11-2003
Bism EllaherRahman ArRaheem
I read this on an Arabic email which was translated from a book titled "Even angles Ask" authored by Professor Jefery Langh.
I couldn't but to translate it and share it. With no comment.
In this part of the book, the author brings out precious spiritual values which we actually miss these days. Reason we miss them is that we turned worship into a habit losing the essence for which it was ordained at the first place. Instead it turned into automatic movements lacking the proper meaning.
In the following the real meaning of prostration shall be brought forth:
Realize the taste of closeness:
Ghasan Zarah former Imam of San Francisco University Masjid said: "When we pray and place our noses on the floor, we experience a type of joy, tranquility and strength coming from outside this world. Words can not describe those feelings.
You must try it in order to understand it"
The call for prayer came on. On the day I accepted Islam, the imam handed me a booklet presenting the method of prayer.
However, I was surprised to notice that Muslim students were some how worried. They kept telling me: take it easy, don't pressure yourself, it is better if you take your time, take things slowly by time"
I wondered to myself: " Is prayer that hard?". Yet I just ignored their advices and decided to immediately start praying the five times punctually.
On that night, I spent a long time sitting on the couch in my small room with dim light trying to study the movements of prayer, repeat them, reading the Quran ayas and supplications must be recited during prayer. The fact that most of what I will recite was in Arabic, I had to know them by heart in Arabic while at the same time know the English meaning. I spent several hours going through the book before I find enough confidence to try my first prayer. It was almost midnight, therefore, I decided to perform Esha prayer.
I went into the bathroom, put the booklet on the side of the basin opened to the page explaining ablution. I followed the steps slowly and accurately just as a cook trying a recipe for the first time. As soon as I was through with ablution, I went to the room with water dropping of my parts.
According to the booklet, instructions indicate that it is preferred not to dry oneself after ablution.
I stood in the center of the room facing what I thought as Qiblah. I looked back in order to ensure that I closed the door to my apartment then looked forward. I stood still, took a deep breath, raised my hands with my palms opened touching at my ears with my thumbs.
After that I said in a low voice "Allah u Akbar". I was hoping no one can hear me.
I was getting very emotional. I could not rid myself from being worried that someone is spying on me.
Suddenly I realized I didn't close the curtains. I wondered to myself: what if one of the neighbors saw me?
I left what I was doing and went to the window. Looked outside in order to ensure no one is there. I felt comfortable to see no one is there, closed the curtains and went back to the center of the room. Once again I faced the Qiblah and repeated the process and whispered Allah u Akbar. In a very low voice that no one can hear, slowly stammering I recited the fatiha followed by a short surah. Of course I recited in Arabic, however, I am sure any Arab would have never understood any of my recitation that night.
Again I said takbeer and bowed until my back was in a vertical position with my legs placing my hands on my knees saying Sobhan Rabia al Azeem several times.
Realize the taste of closeness: - Muslimah - 08-11-2003
I felt embarrassed for I never bowed to any one in my life. Being alone made me comfortable about it. Then I went back to the standing position saying same`Allah leman hamedahu rabana walal hamd.
At this point I felt my heart was pounding and I grew more emotional when I repeated the takbeer with humbleness. It was time for prostration. I froze in my place while staring at the spot where I should go down to on my four limbs and placing my hands on the floor. I could not do it!!! I could not pull myself to go down, could not humiliate myself by placing my nose on the floor just exactly like a servant put down before his master. I felt my legs were tied so strongly that they could not bend. I felt much shame imagining my friends and acquaintances watching and laughing at me for making a foul of myself. I also imagined how will see me ridiculous and worth of sympathy.
I almost heard them say:" Oh poor Jif, he was a victim of mania from Arabs in San Francisco" Isn't this true. I started supplicating to Allah saying:" Please help me in this". I took a deep breath and forced myself to go down. Now I am down on my four limbs, it took me few moments until I physically forced my face down on the mat. During this moment, I totally freed my mind of any thoughts and repeated Sobhan Rubia a`ala three times. Allah u Akbar that is what I said next raising up from prostration while sitting on my heels. Still managed to maintain a free mind of any thoughts and determined not to be distracted.
Allah u Akbar again and back with my face to the floor.
While my nose was touching the floor I kept automatically repeating Sobhan Rubai Al`ala. I was seriously determined to finish the process no matter what it takes. Again Allah u Akbar and I stood up while telling myself I still have three times to go. I struggled with my emotions and pride during what was left of Salat, but it became easier with each time. At the last prostration, I became in full tranquility.
I read tashahud and said Salam Alykom on both sides. At that point I was totally exhausted. I reviewed to myself the battle I went through. I felt very embarrassed for having to fight myself to perform the prayer till its end. Lowering my head in shyness I made dua to Allah saying:" Oh Allah forgive my arrogance and stupidity, I came from a far place and I still have a long way to go"
Only then I experienced a feeling never knew it before and at the same time very difficult to describe in words. I was taken by a wave which I can only describe as coldness that seemed coming out of a certain point in my chest. It started very strong which struck me at the beginning that I remember I trembled. However, it was more than just a physical feeling it affected my emotions in a very unusual way as well.
It seemed just like mercy became so tangible that it went all around and through me.
I started crying for no obvious reason. Tears would just flow down my face. And I found myself sobbing uncontrollably. The more I cried the more I felt an enormous power of mercy and kindness is holding me. Crying was not out of a guilt feeling although I must, nor was it due to feeling of shame or joy. It was just as if a dam was opened to release an accumulation of fear and anger from inside me. While writing these lines, I have nothing to do but ask is Allah's forgiveness not only restricted on merely the pardon of sins but also healing and tranquility. For some time, I remained sitting on my knees, leaning to the floor with my head between my hands crying strongly.
When I finally stopped crying, I was very tired. It was an unusual torrential experience to an extend that did not allow me then to find a rational reasoning. At that time, I felt it was an extraordinary experience that I can not tell anyone about. While the most important thing I came up with at that time, is that I seriously need Allah and prayer. Before I stood up, I invoked upon Allah saying:" Allahum if I became bold enough to return being a non believer of You again, make me die before this could happen, take my life away". It is very difficult to live with all what I suffer of flaws and shortcomings but I can never ever live one more day denying your existence".