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Interracial Marraiges - Muslimah - 09-17-2003
As Salam Alykom brothers and sisters
here I am starting a thread on interracial marriages specially among Middle Eastern men and revert women. How can it work? In your opinion, why some of them don't work. Ummibrahim on another thread:
http://www.islamsms.com/bb/showthread....d=2668#post2668
raised concerns about this point bringing to our attention for example how love is an important aspect of americans' life which in some cases create problem in such marriages. Let us see ME brothers how can they contribute to this issue. And us women how can we define the reason of such problems.
Interracial Marraiges - Muslimah - 09-18-2003
As Salam Alykom
May be I better start something here. Ummibrahim inthe other thread was talking about different perceptions of love. Matter of fact, there is a social aspect that is not related to the religion that affects men expression of their emotions here in the Middle East. It is something related to the level of manhood. In some cases expressing their emotions is taken as diminishing manhood. Whjle of course women basically are more emotional by nature. It is the way men are brought up. Like crying is not for men, men has to maintain a stable status of emtions under any circumstances. So they also take it that expressing their emotions is not appropriate. Not that this is a general rule. But I can say it is one of the explanations.
Well we need brothers' feedback
Interracial Marraiges - ummibrehim - 09-23-2003
I am sorry sisters that I have not been around. However, my brother recently died and it has put me out of sorts for a while. Inshallah I will return to normal now and be able to join discussions again.
Apparently this thread is not going anywhere.
I wonder why? It is a very important aspect of life in Islam.
Sister, I can tell you that I have done some regorious studying of Quran about this subject and the thoughts that come to my mind lead me to believe that it is best I leave it alone.
However, I will discuss it a bit in the hopes that I am not discriminated against.
ummibrehim
Interracial Marraiges - ummibrehim - 09-23-2003
I have to tell you this when I was a young muslim I was quite hurt when the family of my husband were cold and distant from me.
That was because I was American and not acting as the proper Muslim girl that they wanted for their son.
This also caused him to have to take sides concerning his family and his wife. And that also caused me a great deal of pain.
I am now older and I understand his position. He had to defend his muslim family.
I guess the place that they all misunderstood me was my wanting to be a Muslim. They didn't believe that. However, sometimes I am thinking it would not have mattered. They wanted a girl from amoung them to be his wife and not me an American raised girl.
Well, I hope we get some input here.
umibrehim.
Interracial Marraiges - Muslimah - 09-23-2003
As Salam Alykom Ummibrehim
First off welcome back, and i wonder if your brother is a muslim? well if he is may Allah accept him in the best ranks and overlook what is bad, may He illuminate his grave and give him company. Just take it easy sis, Insha Allah you will soon be back in shape, loosing a family member is hard.
I will allow others to give some input, we just initiated the thread and Insh a Allah hopefully brothers share. Then i might come back to comment on your post
Interracial Marraiges - Muslimah - 09-23-2003
Salam Ukhti
May be I can add one point, I think Ummibrehim, any cross culture marriage is subject to smiliar problems. I just remembered now I have a relative who married an american. The man reverted ahead of course. Although he didn't disclose the change of faith to them, his family members were and still are very rejectful of her. Being from the MIddle East, they have a problem with this. A similar case of my friend who married a Greek man. She also suffered until his family finally accepted the fact. I think it is the culture more than anything else, specially when change of faith is involved. Unfortunately, also and I must say the truth, most Muslims always doubt the truthfulness of a revert when marriage is the obejectvie. I mean they may accept one who reverts then by chance meets someone and marries rather than revet and marries immediately. Of course this is opposite to sunnah, We are not allowed under any circumstances to doubt what is in a human beings chest. it is only between him/her and Allah.
But I am just tossing ideas around
Interracial Marraiges - ummibrehim - 09-23-2003
My brother was not a muslim sister. However, he was married to a muslim girl and these two had two small children. The children are now in the hands of muslims and for that I am grateful to Allah. Not one member of my family has converted to Islam. They may still yet. However, if not, on the day of judgement I will have my brothers two girls inshallah.
Back to the subject of interracial marriages. Let me just toss around a few ideas that have come to my head over the years.
Let us go back to the love between two peoples.
I have studied the Quran about this and when reading the verses that state a man can marry two women if he can be fair to two of them.
Ones first thoughts about this is that a man can do this if he can support two women. However, when I read the verse that a man cannot be fair to two women. I become confused. I realize that men can have enough money to support many women. And many men do. Therefore, being fair to two women cannot possible mean being able to support them. Can it??
So that brings me to the question of "what does it mean when Allah says being fair to women?"
In another verse in the Quran it states Allah created men and women to love and comfort each other. Could "being fair" possibly mean loving and comforting each other.
This also has given rise to another thought. We pray 5x a day and we recite Quran 5x a day. But reciting and understanding are two different things completely. The Quran says to study it. And that is what we should do. So that we are not just reciting without knowledge. We can have some understanding.
Interracial Marraiges - Muslimah - 09-23-2003
as salam alykom
Ummibrehim, u just made a point, the Messenger of Allah peace and prayer be upon him used to make dua to Allah saying Oh Allah I wintess thee that I made my effort to be fair in what I own 9referring to material issues) but don't judge me for what I don't own, meaning emotions and love. and certainly Allah created man and women to marry and for Allah to place love and mercy among them. Although the word mawadah is not exactly love. As for your comment about reciting and understanding is absolutely true. But that is all I think off topic or will be coming to the point. Waiting for the point
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:confused: Interracial Marraiges - masriahmuslimah - 09-24-2003
Asalam~O~Alykum
I have read the article and all the post and here it is what I think. I think the poylgyny marriage sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn't it depends on the ppl themselves. Then there is another point about Interracial Marriages it also have its ups and downs, but let me tell u why i think it wont work.
1- If they r from different countries it that might be hard b/c maybe the 2 countries are in war so each one them supports their country. That's one situation.
2- Different culture. Maybe she comes from Asia and he comes from Africa so there way of thinking could be different.
3- Raising the children. Maybe he wants the children to get to use to his culture and his background and also the same thing applies to her. So the children will be stick in the middle
4- Different laughed. Maybe he speaks English and she speaks Arabic so sometimes ppl want have a conversation with the laughed they r fluent in. That's a situation.
All of what I stated and more maybe a cause that this kind of marriage to die soooo soon.Or maybe not. Maybe it will work out. Who knows. Also I could be wrong b/c i never got married before and also it depends on the ppl themselves if they r comfortable with this situation or not. Also it might happened 2 ppl who marry with same culture, country, background or laughed. Not all marriages have 2 work out, but i tell u one thing. The best marriage that will survive if the 2 of them lived 4ever is the marriage that the 2 of them r working for the sake of Allah only and they r trying there best to serve him and 2 go to his paradise with his mercy.
Hope everyone will end up with the marriage.
Interracial Marraiges - Muslimah - 09-24-2003
Mash a Allah masriamuslimah, u just made a breif and very important conclusion to marry only for the sake of Allah